Is it your house or your home?
To me those two words have completely different meanings.
(My career is in language and rule interpretation and laws so the meaning and intent of words is important.)
When I got remarried we moved into DHs house. I look at the house I sold as my home and DHs house as my house but not my home. We have done redecorating and some of my furniture is here. But based on how things go when we talk about changes, I always ask DH so it's a joint decision but he makes other decisions about the house without me. I think we should have looked for a different house to move into together. I tell people this is my house. But because of how DH makes individual decisions about it and how blurry the boundaries are between DH and BM and the skids who don't have to abide by the "if it's not yours, ask" rule, I have my stuff crammed into my closet...so the house isn't my home but maybe my closet is my home.
I miss the comfort of and the casual feeling of my home.
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Comments
I'm always astounded to hear
I'm always astounded to hear how many people do this not realizing the difficult dynamic they place themselves in.
I moved into a house my DH and his ex planned to build. It had never even been built when they were together, so of course no skids lived in it. We re-arranged floor plans, changed colors, etc.
But still, it was never my home, and the attitude of DH and the SK's was it was "their" home.
It's very ironic that you
It's very ironic that you posted this today being that I've been thinking about this a lot very recently.
Even after three years, I think I only consider it my house, and not really my home...pretty much for the same reasons as you.
ETA: I miss my home.
Yes, and I get the 'not
Yes, and I get the 'not settled in feeling'. I think you're right about 'the atmosphere of disrespect, resentment and entitlement the skids bring with them.'
I didn't think of our
I didn't think of our apartment as home when I first moved in, because DH and skids were already there...I felt like I had to make space for my things, and that I was causing other people to feel like I was in their way...I just felt like I didn't belong.
We bought a house about 6 months ago, and together have made it into a home. It feels so much better now.
We just moved and this place
We just moved and this place just feels like home to me. Of course I found it and fell in love with it. We just got moved in and Thunderfoot is with her gparents which has been fantastic!!! Where we lived before did not feel like home at all! I hated that place and told DH if we didn't move, I was going to.
To me a home is a place of
To me a home is a place of safety, security, happiness...my sanctuary. It's not those things (at least not at a good level of all at the same time) now in the house I live in. It doesn't feel like me and I don't feel like I can relax. I can relax in my home. My moms apartment feels more homey to me even though I've never lived there.
I just posted about this on
I just posted about this on Thursday!!!! NIGHTMARE SCENARIO. AND I GET IT. UGHHHHHHHHH.
I have the opposite problem.
I have the opposite problem. I bought a house w/ex DH and 5 months late he left me for another woman. We hadn't completely settled in the house when he left. I lived in the house 15 years by myself. (no bios)
Current DH move in about 7 years ago. I did not put his name on the deed and we never refinanced the mortgage. He came with virtually nothing except all of his garage stuff. No household items and only a few pictures and such. I have done everything to make spaces that are just for him and to use the few things he had in the house.
Only one of kids ever lived here and that was only for a few months. I did burn sage in her room when she left...
Periodically when he gets really mad, he will say this house does not feel like his home. It is only a house where he lives. I have asked what I can do to fix this and he doesn't really have an answer. He also doesn't want to move. I am at a loss.
I do think no matter what the details, when a couple starts a lifetime together they should start in a new house that can become a home for both of them.
We rented a house together
We rented a house together with both our names on the lease. It is our home. Neither wanted to move in to the others place and neither of our previous places could accommodate all of us n the right way.
Absolutely understand where
Absolutely understand where you're coming from...it's always a house but it's not always a home. I sometimes feel like my house isn't my home when it's invaded by skids even though it's MINE and was mine before skids came along. Home to me is more of a place I feel comfortable and I don't feel that when it's under siege.