I've Had Enough - Continued...
Some of you asked how old my DH is, well he's 26. So, yes, that does make a difference, and no, he doesn't think that I am too young to be a full time mom to his kids. They never see their mom, just thought I would claify that... When we were dating I didn't realize that they would never go see her, even just to visit for a few weeks since we are overseas thanks to the military, anyway, and when I ask him if there will be a break or a time when we can just spend time together as the 3 of us he gets all pissy and says, "What did you expect? They are here with me, I was a single dad, you should've just figured it out that they weren't going anywhere!" It just pisses me off. The things he says are just retarded sometimes. He let me think, while we were dating, that they would go live with her at some point. Now they aren't and he will fight her in court if she happens to want them to live with her. Besides being a gold digging bitch I really don't see why they can't go visit her. This bitch does not pay child support. Now they are garnishing her wages - finally after a year and a half of them being "officially" divorced, the whole 2 years they were seperated he didn't make her pay a dime, he even fucking sent her money, and paid for her car and all that is associated with that. Ridiculous!!! It seems to me like she had a strong hold on him. That puzzles me a great deal considering she cheated on him the entire 6 years they were married. I don't think that her son is my husband's son. They don't look anything alike, but he swears he takes after his ex's side of the family. I think they need a DNA test before that bitch ever wants him to pay child support for the son.
I've been to counseling. Didn't work. She just asked me to make time one on one with the kids and talk to my husband about how I feel. I don't want to make time for them, I can't stand being in the same room as them!!! I talked to my husband but he hates to hear that I feel that way and we don't talk about it often anymore because he already knows how I feel.
My baby was sick for the first time in over a year, she threw up in her crib, it was awful. I went in to get her and discovered it. I was scared so I woke up my husband. Remember I am a first time Bio Mom. I turned the light on and it was EVERYWHERE. I immediately started running the bath and my husband said no and wanted to wipe her off. I just looked at him like, Can you not see that it is is all over her? I wanted to scream at him, I was so mad. He was just useless. He argued with me and then finally gave up and I gave her a bath. Then I took her, by myself, downstairs since she was fully alert by that point, then she got tired and fell asleep so I brought her upstairs to my bed. A few minutes later she threw up again in our bed and my husband was pretty mad. I should've laid some towels down or something, but I honestly didn't know what to do!! Then I gave her another bath and took her downstairs and she fell asleep, this time I just kept her on the couch with me with some towels. My point: I should've just fucking did it all myself, well I pretty much did. I am thinking I would be so much better off as a single mom. I don't get any help from my husband and i do all the work, parenting my child and his children. I have had enough, like I said. It's been a year and a few months and I almost cannot believe I have let this shit go on this long. I should've done something when i started feeling this way about a year ago!! Anyway, it's nice to get it out, the written (typed, in this case) is kind of theraputic... It's like a release. Thank you all for your comments and letting me know I am not alone in this.
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Comments
I know what you mean....
About feeling that sometimes you would be better off as a single mother. It seems like we are constantly dealing with unreasonable demands and "entitlements" from BM. She NEVER puts her children first, and we are left to pick up the pieces, no matter what is going on in our lives. Just not having to deal with her, and the skids all the time, I think would alleviate so much stress in my life, that dealing with 3 kids of my own, on my own, would actually be easier than staying married! I don't feel that way all the time, but as often as we have problems with BM or skids, I do. I honestly don't know what the answer is. Your DH obviously needs to be at least as attentive to the needs of your baby together as he is with your skids. Is he? I am assuming if your skids threw up everywhere, he would be inclined to comfort them? Or is it generally you that has to deal with that?
You are correct in that
You are correct in that assumption - he would comfort them and clean up after them, I never do, not because I don't want to, he just gets there first and does it. It almost seems like it's my child so he lets me do everything for her instead of him helping out.
middle of the night ill babies
Not much advice on all the other stuff, but here's my babies/toddlers throwing up all night tip after recently spending four nights in a row giving multiple baths/changing multiple crib/bed sheets with my two year old.
First I do multi layers on the crib- waterproof cover, towel, sheet, waterproof mattress cover, towel, sheet. Then each time she gets sick I simply peel off a layer on the bed. Much easier than stripping them and changing them. I also take the sheets immediately to a laundry tub and wash them out before letting them sit all night. Then it comes right out in the washer.
If she throws up in the crib more than once (usually when she is coughing herself into getting sick) I place about four bedspreads/quilts down on a full bed I have in my daughter's room. I prop myself up a little with pillows and lay down with her and put her on top of me so I can keep her a little bit upright (usually helps the coughing/drainage.) Then I hope for the best. But if she gets sick again I just have to peel off the layers. Still give several baths to her all night, but that making the bed three or four times is almost the worst part when you're without sleep.
Peace, love, and red wine
Regina, you need to take a
Regina, you need a break. After years of this it's only fair to implode. Being a mom is hard, hard work; it's constant, non-stop, draining work. Is there anyway that you can get some time off? Go to family or have family come to you so they could help you for a week or so? I'm not trying to minimize what you're experiencing by suggesting that a break will fix it all. I'm just suggesting that all parents need some time off. Your BF gets it when he goes to work. Maybe he can take a few days off from work and let you get away. You need to refuel your tank and nurture yourself. Any way that could happen?
I hear
every word you say. My HB kids live with us full time and it is hard. BM only takes them when it's convienent. I told DH I was mad at him for not enforcing the visitation. He automatically thought it was the kids that bothered me. No, It just made me mad that he expected more from me than their mother. After I got over being mad we really had a talk. HB explained to me that he would rather the kids be here than worried about them at their BMs. Because she is a lousy mom. He also said that the less time they have with her the less she can be an influence. You see my HB trusts me more with skids than he does their own mother, and I couldn't see that throuh my anger. yea it still sucks I can't get more ME or us time for that matter but in the long run I pity the woman who turns her back on her kids just so SHE can have ME time. You and I have walked them same path Regina. I also got to where I started taking things out on the skids. But in actuality it's not their fault their BM is a loser and it's not HB fault she is either. One thing my HB said to me that hit home was"Are you going to punish me forever for being married to her" As far as the baby goes, dad should be just as attentive or more because she is a baby. But he probably feels guilty that his kids don't have their BM close by. Take each day one at a time. If you really do love your HB then you will try to understand his intensions(bad or good) GOODLUCK!!!!
My kids biggest cheerleader