The SK don't even live with us but there are still problems
Surprise surprise. They have lived with their pyscho BM since December and there have been tons of accusations and lies just flying. The only reason we have had peace and quiet for the most part is that DH is paying CS so she is getting what she wants. You read that right, she does not give a damn about the kids, she wants the money. It's been proven by her brother who visited them a couple months ago and then he told my DH what he saw.
The issue now is that SD10 had a break down at school and started screaming and crying to her principal about how she misses her dad and how she feels she's been replaced by our bio daughter (we are both sure that the ex put those words in her mouth) and going on and on about how she hates me for making her do chores *they weren't even things to help out with the family, it was keeping her damn self clean for goodness sake!) and for replacing her mom. The SS7 is getting old enough now and has enough mental capacity to understand about divorce and that his mom and dad are never going to be together again and according to the ex he is getting angry about it. Both of those kids are going to be in for a rude awakening when they know the truth - that their Dad stuck with their mom even though she cheated on him the entire time, took money and other things from him, the son might not even be my DH's son, and she wanted nothing to do with the kids for years so my husband was alone to take care of them without any CS or emotional support for the kids from their own mother. Just ridiculous. Divorce messes kids up if both parents are not actively still involved with their children. While I can understand, not personally because I am not a child of divorce, but I can sympathize - or is it empathize - that it must be tough not living with both of your parents at the same. But on the other hand, the mom was a dirty, cheating, whore, but of course that is of no fault of the children, they are now victims of her constant choice of poor decisions. It's a wonder my husband didn't let her mess him up and be hesitant to get in another relationship after that. He knew that a good woman was out there, the total opposite of her, and that's how we got together, he saw that I wasn't like her. I guess that's why I can't stand her, she is the absolute total opposite of me. It just disgusts me how she thinks she can treat people like crap and get through life like that. I think I am done ranting... Thank goodness for this blog. My daughter is awake so I can't scream and cuss like I really want to. This is a good alternative. :o)
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Comments
My SDs BM did a lot of the same.
She only wanted my DH's $$$$ every month.
Does your H see his kids as frequently as possible and make an effort to contact them frequently, and tell and show them that just because BD is now here doesn't mean he loves them any less, and that he loves all of you equally?
I know that BM's behavior is not easy to handle but your DH needs to continue to be there, no matter what cr*p she pulls, FOR THE KIDS. He should try to spend as much 1-on-1 time with each of them, just so they can see for themselves that he loves them to pieces and will always be there for them. Does he have a visitation order in place, dictating when he can contact and see the kids? If he does, then he needs to hold her to it and stand his ground. If she withholds contact or visitation, she can face hefty legal repercussions.
I know this is probably not what you want to hear but I think those kids should be living with you and DH instead of BM and need intensive therapy and counseling. They could also benefit for some support groups for kids of divorce. I had a lot of friends who had divorced parents and we formed our own support group. It was extremely beneficial for all of us, as we all had similar experiences. They are still my best friends to this day. Please encourage your DH to seek out such a support group & a good counselor for those kids. He can find one by contacting their pediatrician, who will probably know of several reputable children's counselors. I know that this will be difficult, but your DH needs to fight for his kids. We will be here supporting both of you every step of the way! I know that when the kids lived with you, it was very hard. They did not know how to handle their feelings. Counseling can teach them much healthier ways to cope with their situation.
I'm not as disgusted at BM's thinking she can treat DH and myself like crap. We're adults and we can handle it...I'm absolutely REPULSED at how she treats her kids.
Why are they living with BM now?
If your H had the kids full time for afew years that the BM was gone why would he give them back now. I would of told her to get stuffed, she didn't want them back then and she isn't getting them now, but I'm sure there is alot more to the story then what I've just read.
I have to agree with Anon, these kids need a stable environment not some skank that only wants her children because of the money she gets. How low can you go.
I am not a child of divorced parents but my cousins are, and to see how messed up all 4 of them are because of bitter parents that wont put there pride and jealousy aside for the sake of the kids, it can really srew with their minds.
Your skids being with their mother doesn't sound like a good idea from reading your above post, I would be speaking with your H about what cause of action you guys can take, weather it's to fight for custody or regular visits to see a counselor, there kids need help and if the BM isn't anything about it then your H needs to step in and help his kids.
Good Luck hun.
I could have written yur post.....
and the end result of our situation was we had to get full residential custody of my DH's 3 kids....the damage that yur BM is doing, was doing and will do to these kids is unimaginable....if yur SD10 is having a breakdown in school its time to get them away from BM's influence...now I don't have any bio kids, so I have spent all my time concentrating on "fixing" my skids and its a long, tough, battle...but we are seeing results!!!....one question,,,,why would yur DH ever send his kids back to live with her if they are nothing more than a paycheck???
"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"