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Resenting my SD11 more than ever

Rose_Pedal's picture

As if there isn't already enough reason to be frustrated with my SD11 all the time, her teacher contacts DH today and tells him she's failing all her classes (except the easy ones like gym and art.)

DH told me when I got home today and said he was having a talk with her and disappeared upstairs for a while.

Came down and I asked:

“How did that go?"

He said….”Well, the way you probably expect.”

I said, “Crying her eyes out and making excuses.”

He said “She didn’t actually make excuses.” (I don’t believe that, but okay.)

I said “Did she start doing the whole victim thing looking for you to coddle her?”

And he did say yes- doing the whole “my life sucks, nobody likes me, blah blah blah.”

Like… uhhhh that doesn’t mean your grades should be shit, even IF that were the case, which it isn’t. She’s just *making excuses* looking for “daddy to make it all better” and coddle her and not punish her for bad behavior.

He told me that he told her “Everyone loves you and you have a good life and people like being around you, some kids have it so much worse.” 

I told him he shouldn’t have said that because that’s exactly what she wanted, compliments instead of discipline.

She doesn’t have low self esteem, in fact she’s a self centered, conceited, entitled brat.

I personally think he should have said “Shut up, stop playing victim and feeling sorry for yourself. You’re acting like a failure right now and if you keep acting like a failure you’ll BE a failure. Be better and you’re 100% grounded from friends, phone, EVERYTHING until you start being responsible and stop acting like a lazy baby.”

Aside from this shes wearing the same gross, dirty bunched up clothes to school, having to be TOLD to brush her teeth and hair, not getting up in the morning. Just gross, unacceptable, lazy behavior.

I have no tolerance for this. 

He did take her phone away and told her she’s grounded from friends.

We’ll see if it sticks.

I told him I absolutely refuse to take care of her when she’s an adult so it better change. 

I’m so over this. 

 

Comments

Rags's picture

SD will evolve to be an ever bigger self centered failure, DH will not hold himself accountable to be an effective parent to SD and he will not hold her accountable for her crap. She will cry, deflect, and manipulate. He will wilt before the tears then will coddle, make half hearted efforts, like taking her phone for a few days, and .........

Take care of you.

 

 

 

Rose_Pedal's picture

Thanks Rags,

I know this is pretty spot on. He's such an incredible partner to me, that's why I stay. I don't know if he even realizes how much this affects me. I've told him but maybe he doesn't realize how serious I am.

 As awful as it sounds I just wish she would disappear sometimes. My life would be so much easier.

We are engaged- I'm thinking about telling him that's the reason I have not committed to a wedding date/plans because that's 100% the truth. 

I want to know that he's going to handle his shit and take initiative and responsibility when things aren't going well.

Tough. *scratch_one-s_head*