no you will not become a legal guardian just by getting married.

Sorry, but you don't have any legal rights at all, without a court order.
You are allowed, however, to clothe them, feed them, spend your money on them, take care of them when BM wants a night out, drive them everywhere, clean after them, you get the picture.

Anything more than that, nope.
Welcome to our world.

nope sorry deary,no legal rights.why try to argue with bm about your right to her kids anyway?let dad do that crap girl!

I'm glad that I can't become a "legal" guardian actually. No thanks.

Sometimes these stepkids are way too much to handle on so many levels, why would you want legal authority over something like that?

Leave it to their mom and dad to bail out their future messes.

You will have whatever authority your DH gives you regarding your Skids and as much control as you want to take from BM and defend in court.

I became S-Dad to my SS-18 when he was 1yo. From day one I was dad.... PERIOD! I took him to the Doc if his mom could not, I went to his Parent Teacher Conferences, booked his visitation travel, picked him up from the airport, disciplined him if necessary, taught him to read, write, use the toilet, ride his bike, coached his teams, etc.... and never had anyone say a word about it.... except for the SpermClan who would periodically tell SS that "he is not your REAL dad and you don't have to listen to him.....blah ... blah ... blah."

But .... other than to provide for the safety and well being of the kid when he was with me, I had no legal standing. No Sparent has legal standing unless there is an adoption or other legal process for gaining parental "rights". We are all liable to protect the wellbeing of the kids when they are with us... there are plenty of stories in the news about Sparents who did not and are now in prison, but, as for legal rights ... Nope.

I was never challenged with having to get legal "rights" but I took them. My stance, and my attorney's guidance was "take whatever rights you want until someone with stroke tells you that you can't".

I had to beat the SpermClan's asses in court several times to ensure they stayed under their rock and kept their mouths shut, but I have never had any official legal "rights".

So, I recommend that you take whatever rights you want and act like you have every right to parent your Skids until BM gets the resources to prevent you from doing it .... in court. Then, make sure that you and FDH are in synch and that he has your back.

My wife's Will gives me custody of SS if something happens to her. The Will has no true standing other than to give me a conduit for keeping the SpermClan in court until I get custody. We have court records, arrest records, financial information, etc, etc, etc.... on BioDad and the rest of the SpermClan that I would gladly use to keep SS from being assimilated in to the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool beyond some minimal visitation.

I would have burned every asset that I have to keep the SpermClan from getting custody of SS if something had happened to my wife.

But, he turned 18. Visitation is done and if he wants to join the SpermClan that is his choice and he will have to live with the consequences if that is what he chooses.

Good luck.

Legally, you have no rights to these kids. You do have the right to be at pickups, dropoffs, go to school events, etc.

About their divorce, how recent is it? If it's fairly recent, she might still be smarting over that. I know that if my marriage ended in affair, I'd hate the woman my husband slept with. But I'd get counseling, heal eventually, and hopefully come to realize that there is more than enough blame to go around, even for myself. She now has to share her kids with you. I can certainly see and understand why that is painful for her, but she still needs to act like an adult for her kids by not acting insane at pickups/dropoffs and being mean to you in front of the kids.

I'd let FDH handle the communication with her, and do most of it via email and text. Not talking unless necessary helps create some distance and might help all of you (including BM) to feel better.

No legal rights and no legal responsibilities. Remind BM of this each time she asks you to do/buy anything. I'm not their mother, remember? Not my responsibility.

not my kid, not my responsibility.

remembering this will save you much wasted time and effort on people who will use you, take your money, waste your time and hurt your feelings.

10 years experience, i'm SO done!