Step-mom to a neo nazi??
Hello everyone, I've been reading through this site all night and its helped so much to gain insight into my own problems!
I really need some advice, I feel so shitty and lost... I'm also sorry this is my very first post, I hope someone here will understand bc I just need help....
I've been with a great guy for about 3 months. Things moved very quickly and I moved in with him, he's re-modelling his house and building things for me in the house, ect... I've felt very welcomed and honestly ready to build a life with this man (literally and figuratively, blah blah blah)
He has majority custody of his 11 y.o. son, but the SS spends a lot of time with his mom and grandma, it's a really nice set up honestly.
The problem is that his kid is *obsessed* with WW2, Germans and nazis. At first I just thought he had an eccentric hobby. But he is hateful, spews rasim and homophobia, obsessed with guns..... Not to mention he's a total slob, won't pick up after himself at all.... very hateful to ppl he doesn't know.... yesterday we all we went shooting and the kid is still learning about guns and how to aim, but he's a real know it all and doesn't listen to anyone. I personally think he's creepy around guns. Not to mention the never ending comments about how he's his dad's favorite, pouting when he doesn't sit in the front seat, "finally some guy time with my dad", ect.... which I expect from a kid, but throw in the nazi stuff and it's too much.... btw, I give them plenty of "guy time". I grew up as an only child to a single parent myself, i know what its like.
Like i said, the hateful comments have gotten really bad lately. Before I had gone out of my way to make German food for this kid (my grandma is German), took him to interview Ww2 vets (thinking they could bring him down to earth a little), set up a tent in the yard, will buy him "rations" at the dollar store. He can actually be a sweet kid until the hatefulness kicks back in, which is almost all the time now. I am so disgusted by it....
Long story short (ya right) I went out last night and didn't get home in time to play Army-opoly (yes, really....) like I said I would. I didn't want to go back home at all bc of all the pouting, hateful and pro-nazi shit I'd had hear all day. When I did it was awkward, my SO slept in the living room. We haven't spoken much today and I took an over night bag to my moms this morning.
I just feel..... lost..... I also feel like my SO is a shitty parent bc this kid needs some real discipline.
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Comments
I would agree your SO is not
I would agree your SO is not a great parent if he isn't addressing these behavioral issues. And the kid needs therapy, not shooting lessons, if he's obsessed with guns.
Question: does the kid play a lot of video games online? White supremacist groups recruit kids who are playing games online. My SS20 is an addictive gamer and has developed a racist, white supremacist worldview that is completely different from that of both of his parents.
Yes, he is *always* on line
Yes, he is *always* on line playing war games
Edit: thank you so much for responding!
Then your SO should be
Then your SO should be monitoring who is talking to him online - they seriously do recruit vulnerable kids into white supremacist groups - that may be where he's getting all this Nazi talk.
Three months is not enough
Three months is not enough time to truly get to know someone and the dynamic that you are signing up for.
Move out.
Im over at my moms today and
Im over at my moms today and will probably start bringing my stuff over tomorrow while BF is at work......
Probably?
Probably?
Seriously, just move out and
Seriously, just move out and move on, no probably about it.
My high school psychology teacher told us that it take 2 years, minimum, to get to know somebody. That's when you are young and neither party has any baggage.
Please heed this advice for the future, it will save you a lot of energy.
Why did you move in after only 3 months? Did you not have your own place?
The shortish version is that
The shortish version is that I met the BF last summer while visiting family in Colorado. We got in touch again this past February when I still lived in Missouri but was planning on moving back to Colorado, we started talking every day. I moved in late April and he flew out to Missouri and we drove back to Co together. I'm living with family and started staying at his place a lot too, I sort of live in both places. My household boxes are still in storage for the most part, just my summer clothes are at his place. He went with me to the Barn (where I store my household stuff) and wanted to help me get everything to move into his place, but I only unpacked my summer clothes at his place. I saved a lot of money (for me anyway) for this move and could get my own place tomorrow, so it's not money, or employment. Its ridiculous, I'm just ridiculous.....
You are only rediculous if
You are only rediculous if you stay. You know things are very "off", don't ignore that. Act now, swift and complete.
There is something about you that made him set a target on you. He is clearly pushing (tried getting all of your stuff to his house).
Pushing someone to move in 3 months in is not normal. Neonazi kid is not ok. None of this is ok.
Thank you, SteppedOut.
Thank you, SteppedOut. Everyone "in real life" is saying the same. My own step-dad didn't like the kid from the get go and is very supportive, lol. At least I get along with my steps... (and I have a ton of step parents and siblings, i kinda assumed blending would be easy. But anyway, I'm rambling a lot today)
Three months is a very short
Three months is a very short time to know a guy. Way too soon to move in. So far you have only known the best side of him. Get ready to see the rest. A guy who lets his son spout hatefulness is not a good guy.
Find a friend where you can store your items and start moving them out (quietly). Get your finances in order and move out (preferably at a time when neither BF and SS are there).
This will not end in a happy long term relationship.
Most kids learn to be racist
Most kids learn to be racist little sh@ts from their parents...I would say sounds like this kid is parroting his parents views and beliefs, which means your SO has probably spewed this to his kid. It's only been three months, you can walk away from this pretty easily and be thankful you don't share a child with these racist people.
Agree with this so much!
Agree with this so much!
OP, these are probably also your SO's views. He is just "on his best behavior" (only not really because he is allowing this garbage to come out of his child's mouth) now, until he feels you are sufficiently trapped.
I'm really starting to think
I'm really starting to think this.... :/
I don't know.. it is
I don't know.. it is troubling that his dad isn't noticing and shutting it down. I think it's time for a frank talk with dad to find out if he has any of the same feelings.. or whether he has just been clueless in not noticing and the kid is getting the bile spewed at school.. friends.. or through the online chat rooms.
Especially today.. the boy's budding tendencies are not going to come off as socially acceptable (not that they ever should have been.. but now more than ever) and will likely hamper his future life re friends... jobs... etc.. and if bad enough could actually put him in line for the penal system. His dad needs to hear/understand that.. and if dad "agrees" with his son's opinions.. then the natural consequence would be to leave.
Your SO is nota great guy
And a bad parent. He not parenting his DS. This kid is going to get no where in life with that attitude.
If SO is not saying anything , He must feel the same way. Time to think about cutting and start running