Don't Know if I want to...
Ok, so when I married my husband I knew he had children. However, he hadn't talked with them - or even seen them for almost 5 years now (2 or 3 before we got married because of a bad divorce). The kids are now (sort of) back in his life. We are picking up the middle child - 15 year old girl. She's having problems at home and got into some altercations with her mom. Now my relationship with my husband isn't that great. I have one child that I gave up nine years ago because I wasn't ready to be a mom then. I'm not ready now.
I told him that I wasn't sure I could do this (of course the warning I got was a middle of the night phone call letting us know she is coming). He told me he'd call the ex and tell her not to send the kid. I DO NOT WANT THAT
I want him to take her. I'm just not sure I should stay with him. I am really tempted to tell him to move back - closer to where the mom lives - and I will stay her. I don't think I can do it. Stepparenting is hard and with a kid that has issues already... and a marriage that isn't that great anyway. I'm not sure that I - with my history of depression - should even try it.
I don't have anything against the kid. I barely know her. I know that my husband has piles of guilt and is already saying things that I know are not good. "We'll get her her liscense. She can drive at 15 in South Dakota but can't drive until 16 in Minn", "start with the small stuff, then talk to her about big rules after she gets adjusted." And my favorite - that tells me how it will all turn out is "it's just for the summer right now - but if she likes it here maybe she will want to stay."
AKA - I am going to let her run wild and if there is any disciplining to do it will come from the evil step mom.
Oh and - the plan right now is to pick her up from school on the last day - tell her she has 20 minutes to pack and then I'm taking you to your fathers...
Needless to say this is weighing heavily on me. What do I do?
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Comments
I guess you have already
I guess you have already found your answer. Hey, bright side, at least you can tell that things will not be very good, and lots of guilt parenting involved. Most of steptalkers didn't see those signals until it was too late.
I agree with Gia. If I were
I agree with Gia. If I were you, I would read through some of the blogs and get an idea of what you might be up against. I don't really know your history, but you are the best judge as to whether or not you'll be able to stand up against some of the issues that could be coming. Think about it long and hard. I'm not saying 'RUN!', but just be aware of the trouble that could lie ahead. Go in with your eyes open. Maybe try it for a while and see how it goes. Tell your DH that as well. If it doesn't go well, you'll have to then decide whether or not to stay. Sorry, wish I had better advice.
My step son wasn't in our
My step son wasn't in our lives either until we got married and bought a house, then he acted up at his mothers thinking since we weren't in the apartment he would live here with no rules at 17. Didn't happen. I'd take Crayons advice and run. My bios don't even live here. They were with me when they were younger, I was in an abusive relationship when I moved to my current city and they stayed with my mother for school and until I was out on my own. They stayed there. I still helped with parenting and providing for them because they wanted to stay in their schools which are far better than the ones here. My youngest wanted to come here when she didn't want to behave. She stayed 2 weeks and was begging to go back, she missed her friends and she realized the rules were the same. The teen years are hard enough, throw in a step situation and its darn near impossible to live with them.