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Blackmailed into writing letter to adult SS

SadStep77's picture

Submitted by SadStep77 on Wed, 07/11/2012 - 7:22pm

I'm pissed off today.

I know that my letter to SS20 is for the "greater good". Peace in the house and all the rainbows and unicorns that come with it.

My SS20 is a good kid. Doing well in school. He is getting married next month (ya, way to young, but who are we to say anything).

My SS20 doesn't like me. It's known. He won't speak to me when his dad isn't around. I have supported both him AND his dad for two years while this kid has been in junior college. He has not ONE TIME offered to cut the grass. He cannot keep his room clean. He wakes me up at 1am when he comes home when I have to get up at 5am for work. He does absolutely NOTHING around the house.

I quit my full time job to go back to school full time. I work part time. I've drained my savings, cashed out my 401K, and have lived broke so that FDH, my son, and his sons can live here.

Where's my letter? Where is the thank you? Will FDH force SS20 to write a letter to me to "prove" that he cares about the well being of the family? Oh, hell no he won't.

Comments

SadStep77's picture

Submitted by SadStep77 on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 4:11pm

I have not sent the letter. I used the excuse that I wasn't good at writing out my feelings, so FDH actually wrote it for me, and I edited it. It is still saved in my documents. I'm still debating wether to send it or not. But the more I think about it, the more I just want to say FU to FDH. This is his fault after all. He could have MADE his adult son do SOMETHING. His excuse: I don't want him to move out on bad terms and never want to visit me again because of you. I have never, ever, confronted SS20 about anything, I let FDH "take care of it". I maybe asked him to clean his room twice in two years.

I feel like I was coerced. I got the speech: I don't know it I can be with anyone who can't make an effort with my kids. WTF I have let him live in my house and taken care of all the bills. If I didn't make an effort, I would have made him move out after high school. So, I told him I did care about his kid ( which I do) and I was thinking about writing him a letter. Well, he wouldn't let it go and here it is. Feels like emotional blackmail.

Leverage: he can move out and leave me with all the bills and no childcare. He does buy food. BUT has only given me $1000 for this entire year towards bills. I need his help getting my son to and from school. I cannot pay my mortgage by myself without him buying groceries and carting my kiddo around so I can work PT and go to school FT. Plus, I love him and so does my son.

I agreed to it to try and make the peace. We have been fighting like cats and dogs lately and SS20 is moving out this August. I'm trying to "forget" about the letter, but we will see.

Purplemom's picture

Submitted by Purplemom on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 1:58am

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!?!?!?!?!?!?! NO NO NO NO NO! If you are writing any letter it should be to the both of them to GTFO of your house!!!!!

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 3:51am

I think think you should have written your letter to FDH and FDH only telling him exactly what you have told us here. How can he blackmail you into writing such a letter, when he and his sons are bludging off you.

SadStep77's picture

Submitted by SadStep77 on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 4:16pm

I put a little more info above in response to StepAside's questions.

I really feel picked on here... Like FDH and SS20 are buddies and I'm the asshole.

I think I'm discovering that I'm actually really mad at FDH. This is HIS fault for not enforcing cleanliness or chores on SS20. If he had done so, I wouldn't have bitched so much to him in the first place which he takes as me hating his son, which is not the case. Like I said, good kid, just lazy and a slob. Ss20 actually went to court on our side and had to face the crazy BM when she brought up false charges of abuse against us.