Leave it alone. Its up to him to acknowledge it or not. Nothing good can come from it. I wonder the same thing about my skids.. but would never bring it up, nor would I persue it. Dh did mention to me in the beginning of our relationship that he questioned if he was their bio dad.. but we do not bring that up.. EVER.

YES YES AND YES AND THE BM IS SO OUT THERE- DOESN'T KNOW WHO HER OLDEST CHILD'S FATHER IS ETC AND CHEATED ON DH AND HER EX HUBBY SO MUCH THAT THERE ARE SERIOUS DOUBTS, I HAVE EXPRESSED THESE DOUBTS TO DH AND HE SAID IT WOULD KILL HIM AT THIS POINT TO FIND OUT,SO HE DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW, I CAN'T CONVINCE HIM OTHERWISE.. HE JUST KEEPS PAYING SUPPORT 'CUZ HE SIGNED THE THE PAPERS CLAIMING PATERNITY- THE KID LOOKS NOTHIN' LIKE MY DH AND MY DH HAS VERY DISTINCT FEATURES THAT HIS OWN SIDE OF THE FAMILY HAS.. WHAT TO DO? I KNOW HE KNOWS DEEP DOWN THAT IT MAY NOT BE HIS SON, BUT I ALSO KNOW NOT TO PURSUE IT ANYMORE..

I would have asked my DH to have a DNA test done. I can talk to my DH openly like that. I guess it depend on your relationship with your DH.

is less dependent upon DNA and more so on who raises u, so even if SD wasnt DH's, if he wanted to be and considered himself her father, and wanted to stay in her life, i would support him. to me, even if a child doesnt biologically belong to someone, if that person has raised him, he/she is his parent.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

took it upon herself to get one of those dna kits where you just have to wipe the qtip on something they have both drank out of, etc. She sent it in and if I remember right found out the kid wasn't his! OMG! Imagine that!

But alot of other members thought she was out of place to go and do that on her own without consenting the husband. I guess the husband was one that wouldn't care if blood said the kid was his or not.

But, how could it not matter? Why would you pay CS on a kid that isn't your? Why cause your new spouse, and new family all that drama if the kid isn't even yours?

I had the same thing to a really close girl friend of mine. She got married, dude had three kids. She insisted they all be tested because she just KNEW those kids weren't his. Guess what, not one of them were his. He'd paid child support for these kids for 8 years, at 1500 a month, calculate that. She didn't have to pay it back either because he accept the kids as his, well that's what the judge said. But he doesn't have to pay anymore either. Of course he accepted them as his, she was his WIFE at the time! Geesh!

But I don't feel to bad for the three kido's. They found thier bio dad and have a relationship with him now. My friends hubby, and my friend still remain close with the kids. But they aren't breaking the bank to pay for kids that aren't his either. I don't blame them one bit.

I know if I even suspected SD's weren't DH's I'd make sure he got a paternity test!

My x used to always say he was going to get one with my son, I always tell him please do so you can shut the fu*k up and so can your girlfriend "of the hour". If theres nothing to hide you wouldn't give a crap.

JMO, of course.

else that did it without her husband knowing. I remember it mostly because I remember everyones reaction to it! It was alot of, it was none of your business remarks! LOL! Things like that stand out to me. It may have been a while back!

And bell you are right, it is a slippy slope. If I found out that my daughter was switched at birth it would make no difference to me, my baby is my baby! So I can understand that to. But I would want to know....

and I don't care.

Doesn't make a bit of difference to me whatsoever. They are DH's daughters regardless....

But that's me.

Some people disagree and think DNA is an absolute in these matters...I just think don't think it's as black and white as that. As humans, we're too emotional to leave it to just the science.

I think some things are better left in the back of our minds and only visited when asked. It's their journey, not yours.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I am usually never on here during the week because I can't get on this site at work so (I'm off this week) I miss a lot - thanks for letting me know I just didn't want anyone to think it was Melis!

I posted about this once. I do not believe that SS7 is my BF's. He looks nothing like him. He sort of looks like BM but I don't know.....SD10 is the spitting image of BF so there is no doubt that he is her father but SS has not one feature of his. There is absolutely no resemblence between SS and SD and their baby pictures or even now that they are older. SS has darker skin and dark (almost black eyes). SD is very fair skinned with blue eyes like BF. BF told me in the beginning of the relationship that he left the BM once and then they got back together when she found out she was pregnant with SS. I guess there was word around that she had been sleeping with some other guy while they were separated. BF said he questioned SS's paternity but BM flipped out and said he could get a paternity test if he didn't believe the baby was his. Apparently he dropped the subject after that.

I asked him if he wanted a paternity test now. He said no, that he didn't want to know the truth. I dropped the subject but I do think about it often especially when we have the skids. It does bother me and I am a very nosey person so I would love to know for sure but I'm not going to press the issue. I won't even bring it up unless he does. As far as BF is concerned SS is his no matter what.

If it were me, I would ask your DH very non-chalantly if SS looks like BM and if he looks like any other members on his side of the family. If he doesn't take the bait and talk about it then you will just have to live with it and leave it alone unless you want to outright ask him if he is really SS's bio dad.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

because bm had the youngest (yes, there is yet another girl) done on one of her weekends (the child was an infant at the time), and turned out she was not H's.

But I still firmly believe the wife (stepmom), should have that right, if she's involved in the skids lives. I believe that if your life is going to be entwined with these children, you have the right to know if your H is truly the biological parent or not. That does not necessairly mean the kids won't be considered "his". It does not make the kids any less important. Depending on the circumstances, it does not mean he should not support the kids (tho I believe if they are not truly his, he should have that option).

All it boils down to is the simple fact that as wives, whether it be first wives, second, or seventh, we have a right to know, quite simply, whose kids we are helping raise/pay for/feed/care for. Just as the fathers have the right to know if the kids are his biologically or not.

because of the BM getting caught cheating. So he already had the test done before i came along.

But his daughter looks exactly like him and has his mannerisms.

It looks as if he carried her for 9 months from the start so .... no question there.

But if not, then i would not say anything to him. I think with as much as he loves her and takes care of her.... It would crush him totally.

Besides it takes more than DNA to be a daddy in my book.

BF has always suspected that SS7 isn't his. He has alot of BM features but we cant really see BF in him at all.
BF only mentions it every now and then, all I've said is that I will support them weather he chooses to find out for sure or not. BF has basically said that no matter what the results are it doesn't change the fact that he has raised this child from birth and has fathered him since. I have never pursued the matter with BF since then. It is his son and his choice.

I think who has been in the child's life consistently AND DNA matters. Think about it: ask any man out there if they had a child out there and had no idea that child existed, would he want to know? He'll most likely say yes. Why? Because DNA matters. Heritage matters, family trees matters...now imagine that he was never told because BM married someone & the guy is playing daddy...imagine they know the truth but decide not to tell the real dad since he wasn't there to raise him, not that he was given the choice. Is that fair to the real dad? Or the child who could have other siblings out there he doesn't know about either? Or imagine a person finding out on their own, realizing everybody in their life knew the truth and had been lying to them. Then imagine how that person would feel if when they finally found out, went to look for their real dad and found out he died the year before...and now the person never get to know their real dad (this situation has happened for real) Its very complicated and personal. Its a shame DNA tests aren't done on every kid at birth! It would eliminate so many issues...but probably cause quite a few as well!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

there is no doubt. My opinion is that this is a sticky issue and needs to be handled very carefully. At least two people are at risk of being devastated in this situation. Dad and the kid.

I know that if my wife and I were to split or if something were to happen to her I would remain my Skids Dad. That said, I would participate directly in his support but would give everything I have to charity before I would allow one cent accrued by my efforts or my wife's efforts to benefit DickHead.

If I survived my wife I would fight tooth and nail for custody of my SS though the odds would be severely against my being successful. I would however most likely get visitation and would take every second I was awarded. When he turns 18 I would encourage him to move home and I would provide him with a college education and all of the benefits that his Mom and I have worked so hard to provide for him.

Thank God he is 16 and at most would only have to put up with BioDad and the SpermFamily for a reasonably short time before he could leave them far, far behind to have an amazing life that none of them has the motivation to match or the ability to comprehend.

Pompous or me? Absolutely. But, we have raised him to be far more than any of THEM could or will ever be.

Best regards,

SD got most of her looks from DH, which explains part of why I found it so easy to love her and not associate her with BM until SD started demonstrating full force where most of her PERSONALITY comes from.

BD looks just like DH too. He has some strong Italian genes, which dominated both BMs French/German genes and my Irish/Welsh genes. SD and BD do have a blend in the personality department, but unfortunately, DH wasn't around due to deployments a lot when SD was having her personality trained environmentally. He was in Korea from the time SD was 1 and a half and returned when she was 3. That's a lot of crazy BM time, especially since they didn't live near either of their families and BM didn't embrace other military wives, or make friends.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'

My DH went through this situation a couple of years ago due to his divorce and issues with the insurance. BM had always been extremely promiscuous and it turned out the SS was NOT his – but he was a dead ringer for DH. I’d have sworn SS was 100% DH's kid, they looked so much alike. BM also made the statement that DH should have gotten SD17 DNA tested too, because she wasn’t his either (older SD21 is the reason they had to get married, but sometimes I even wonder about her paternity). It was really bad on DH and the SS when the truth became known. At the time, DH and family (and BM’s family) were not wanting to let SS find out until he was older and a little more stable (he lives with BM and has some major emotional issues) but unfortunately, BM’s vengeance against DH was too great to let it alone until SS was old enough & stable enough to understand; she made a big scene out of informing SS that DH was not his bio father. She actually did take him to meet the real bio dad, but he obviously wants nothing to do with BM or SS, so that pretty much backfired on her.

SD17 doesn’t look like DH or the rest of his family in the least; several people have made the comment how similar SD17 & I look! Whoa – she’d freak if she heard that one! It does bother DH that BM (and even DH’s mother)have made comments about having SD17 tested, but I believe he really doesn’t want to know. This may sound cold and cruel, but I believe everyone should have a right to know who they are and their family backgrounds – especially for medical reasons, but that’s JMHO. And I’m ashamed to say, I’ve used that info against DH when we’re in the midst of a major battle over SD17. I won’t even go into the details of that - it’s something I’m definitely not proud of, but I know in the back of DH’s mind, he has his doubts as to whether SD17 is really his. Even if the tests come back negative, that the DH isn’t the father, it’s still a very bad situation for everyone involved.