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"I'm thinking we should bring the Skids with us."

sammmx's picture

Submitted by sammmx on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 10:47am

I have never felt my heart drop so hard and heavy, I was just instantly overwhelmed with dread. Ugh.

I have to go to a different city on Saturday to write a huge test for my career (board registry exam) and BF is coming with me. I was excited for us to get away for the weekend, to have no skids, to spend some time with just BF. I have never been to this city before and he used to live there, so he was going to take me to some tourist places, show me around etc. So I was excited. Until now.

BF came to me this morning and told me he has decided we should probably bring the Skids with us, because there's a really cool dinosaur museum he would want to take them to after my test. They could come spend the night on Friday, and we'd all leave Saturday morning and head to the city. My immediate thought is FUCK. NO. I'm going to write the hugest test in my life, I don't want to have to deal with the added stress of his children tagging along! That wasn't the plan. When he said that to me, all I said was "Why?" And that was it... then he left for work. Ugh. Of course if I say no I'll be the bitch, I understand he wants to take his kids on a cool little trip, but it was OUR trip not THEIRS. And it's not even like we're going just to have fun, we're going because I have a test to write. My entire trip will be ruined if the skids come. Friday is supposed to be my last day to study as well, I don't want the skids here running around and acting like lunatics when I'm supposed to be focusing...

Ugh. I seriously just want to cry. And to top things off BM might randomly show up with SS3 tonight while BF is working (SS3 had wanted to come here tonight he said on Sunday, but now BMs phone isn't working and BF has to work late) and I will probably have a huge mental breakdown having to see her or fucking babysit him. I am so stressed out I just want to be alone at my house, with my BF, and focus on my stupid test... not be stressing about BM and the fucking skids.

UGH...!!!!

Comments

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 10:49am

So honey, put your foot down now! Say "I know you'd like to have a day with the kids after my test, but really honey, this is HUGE for me. I need ZERO distractions and I need to concentrate. This means so much to me. I HAVE to do well on this test and I simply won't be able to concentrate with the kids around"

And then go alone if he insists on taking them.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 10:52am

Seriously say no, don't start letting them make choices like that or it never ends. It's a working trip, an important working trip, it is obviously not for children. Your not being a bitch your being a reasonable responsible adult who also wants grown up time! If he doesn't like it go alone how well do you think it will go for you with kids around? Be honest that you do not want them coming and why, then draw your line if he chooses for them to come over what your needs and wants are for the weekend then you will do xyz and stick it through.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 11:21am

Agree. Let him know you've been doing some thinking.

Let him know this is something you need to have your full attention on, that you need a good night's sleep and that you'll be a ball of nerves in the morning and would just like to get your mojo in the morning.

Then promise to make the "celebrating" after the test is over worth his wild!

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 11:24am

HE has decided the kids should go? I don't think so. This is YOUR trip. You've been studying hard, working toward this exam, you don't need to sacrifice all of that to accommodate what HE has decided for both of you. Oh hell no. I bet if you have kids yourself that you wouldn't want them there either.

Have a straightforward discussion with him. You need calm, quiet, and confidence going into this exam, and then you were expecting a celebratory weekend after the exam with just him, not kid-focused activities. If he is upset, well, you've learned something about what is important, and it's not you or your career. But I hope you get a reaction more like "I'm sorry honey, what was I thinking? Of course I will do everything I can to support you."

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 11:27am

agree with all of the above! u dont need them with u the night before and the day of- ur career and ur future financial stability are riding on this. also they dont need to be around for the stress-release after Wink

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 11:33am

can you not dummy this statement down:

it was OUR trip not THEIRS. And it's not even like we're going just to have fun, we're going because I have a test to write. My entire trip will be ruined if the skids come. Friday is supposed to be my last day to study as well, I don't want the skids here running around and acting like lunatics when I'm supposed to be focusing...

"Well Babe I was really looking forward to having some fun with you, you know really relaxing before and after my huge test. And it is really important that I study on Friday. Why dont we plan a different weekend to take the kids, this weekend I want you all to myself...wink wink..."

Men are simple and driven by their wink wink...so wink wink ...sometimes a girls got to use the tools she has...

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 1:04pm

I agree 100%. Please make this trip about you and you only and go alone. This is your career! Too much at stake.

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 3:05pm

I agree with what everyone else is saying 100%. No way should they go and no way should he make you feel obligated to take them. This is a HUGE thing for you professionally, not an opportunity for him to entertain his children. You would think I would be immune to the shock I feel over the nerve of these men after living what I have and after reading what I have on here, but I still get shocked and pissed off when I read stuff like this. I am sorry. I know how you feel.

"I have never felt my heart drop so hard and heavy, I was just instantly overwhelmed with dread. Ugh"

^^I have been there and know EXACTLY how this feels and it is a terrible awful way to feel. Sad I-m so happy

"Of course if I say no I'll be the bitch" I battled this for a long time. I allowed DH to put me in positions that I did not want in. I allowed BM in my life when I did not want her there. I allowed myself to be tortured by skid, because I didn't want to be "the bitch". Once I finally realized I am in no way being a bitch, that I had a right to say no, I felt a lot better. You are in no way being a bitch on this. He is in the wrong. And on the babysitting thing, if they show up, don't answer the damn door. You don't have to watch his son, ever, if you so choose, and especially should not have to right now when you have so much to prepare for.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 3:06pm

As for tonight... go out to the library to study or something. Stay out until about 9pm.