I can't go back, back and forth,
In and out, out the door,
Don't wanna fuss and fight no more,
Don't give a damn about the score. -Ginuwine

Mikayla and I have been exchanging emails since February, and as I mentioned in my last blog she's dropped hints about her BM, my EX. There's plenty of reason for me to be wary of entering into a relationship with her - even if it's just cordial.

During our break-up 3 years ago, Kayla was used by EX as a "negotiating tool," having her call me if she wanted money, or things done, or she couldn't (wouldn't) pay her rent/bills. My anger and resentment built, but by having Mikayla call, I knew I was being manipulated by my EX and was simply powerless to do anything to stop it. When I eventually broke the cycle, the guilt was enormous and I don't think even 3 years later I'm completely over it.

Mikayla emailed me last night to let me know how her Easter was. She mentioned my initial email to her BM, but did not tell her that we were in contact since February. She did mention (again) that her BM loves me, and to "say hi."

The last time I talked (shouted, really) at my EX was over 3 years ago. Since then, I've only had to deal with outstanding bills and destroyed property that we both had our names on. I'm not enthused by the concept of having any type of relationship with my EX, be it cordial or otherwise.

Yet I wonder if the ability to "normalize" a relationship such as this has benefits for the children. I may have to talk to Mikayla about the fact that her mom and I will not be getting back together, but that it doesn't mean I don't care about the both of them. It's a situation I've never encountered before, and I'm open to any input others may have.

I'm also still wondering whether or not I should attempt to make peace with my EX. There are plenty of reasons not to, but again, my biggest concern is how that affects my daughter. I've seen "hand-offs" (whatever the term is when parents exchange children for the weekend) that are amiable, some where the parents never look at each other, and others where parents almost start fist-fighting. Any experiences that people have regarding their relationship to your children's birth-parents and how that affects your kids would be of great interest to me.

I'm at a crossroads, and am contemplating my next move.

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