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Tired of Being NICE

sarahmay's picture

Submitted by sarahmay on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 9:11pm

I am getting to the point of wanting to drop this kid off at my mother in law's house and leaving him there for good.

Here's the story... his mother left him and his dad 10 years ago.... not my fault I have been around 3 years now....
we just had a baby.... I have a son (6 years old). He (my son) is happy to help out and share.... my SS however is being so selfish, hurtful and down right nasty and does nothing to be involved.

we went to get her something for the baby nursery which she really needed and SS12 decided that as we were going shopping he was entitled to a Playstation Game and wanted us to go to the Games store. I explained that we were shopping for her and then doing the food shop.

We went to the Baby store, and SS12 starts getting all upset.... my man goes to comfort him and all I hear is that he wants a game and why do we have to get her something and not him....

I lost my mind over this..... She is a little baby who doesn't ask for anything, and anything we get her at the moment is usually really needed, he does not need anymore Games or anything else for that matter. In 12 years he has accummulated so much stuff he could open his own toy store. The most frustrating thing is he ended up (as usual) getting what he wanted from Mother in Law (everyone else went without) and my man does NOTHING.... he says he can not tell her what she can spend her money on and who etc ....

Basically I am getting tired of this game of give give, get get, want want, tears and crying and bad behaviour from him. My son is not perfect but he does not carry on like this and I am afraid of what he is learning here .....

All I ever hear is how tough life has been on this kid is, and how he is such an amazing child from that side of the family, and how loving and kind he is and I am like "ARE YOU KIDDING ME???" in my head .... he is a "SELFISH LEACH"

He continually hurts my child (6 years) and tells my mother in law horror stories about my son, so much so that I have heard very hurtful things about my son and I.... everything he tells Mother in Law is GOSPEL. He has made my child and I out to be Demon people, when in fact it is not the case at all. I am tired of being nice, I bake his birthday cakes, take him to sport (3 time a week) organise play dates. I help out at his homework, my son has shared his sporting interested with him so much so, it is over-looked that my son is the reason for the kids' enjoyment at sport (which he was not involved in before me and my son). Did I mention I pay for everything for this kid and am my man does not spend money on my child and checks on my child support payment every month...

I am at my wits end with this kid.... and there is so much more, I want him out of my house and life now, there is no peace form him....

Anybody

Comments

961Hannah's picture

Submitted by 961Hannah on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 9:15pm

Oh the tales of the in-laws!!! I feel for you majorly. I read a book once and in the book it was gathering advice from married people. The one that made me roll over laughing was "Marry someone whos parents live in Tibet...better yet, marry an orphan". Grandparents can be tricky tape. I have always thought that if your in-laws would have respect for the marriage that you have, they would come to you first after SS told them something to get clarification. But; that never seems to be the case.

sarahmay's picture

Submitted by sarahmay on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 9:32pm

What should I say to my Man to get through to him thougH...
OR does he just not want to hear??

sarahmay's picture

Submitted by sarahmay on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 9:39pm

Dear Kayro,

Thank-you.... you are right there is that Dynamic and I can see another one developing I think, which is The Granparent and SS12 are Vilifying my child and I. (I feel like all they do is speak negitively about everyone).

SS12, his father, our baby and I went to aparty last week where all the boys got to drive around in different classic cars..... absolutely amazing, can not believe that these parents went to so much trouble. Anyway when asked if he enjoyed himself, he answered with it was BORING. I said to his father in front of him that it was disappointing to hear this and that his words were quite unkind as I know the Birthday Boy in question was limited to the amount of friends he could have over. His Dad told him off (I nearly died of shock). Anyway, he told his grandmother I got him in trouble..... I am to say nothing in future and let the world see him for the Little Moster he is???

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 2:52am

I think you could use the incident at the birthday constructively - explain to his dad that you liked what he said to his son - that SS is in serious danger of becoming an unlikeable young man who is never, never satisfied, unless he gets very firm boundaries put in place NOW. You and DH have him full time, so you have perfect opportunity to do this, and you would like to see DH carry on as he begun over the party incident.
Unless this happens, the monster that DH and grandma are creating will have no friends, no social life, probably no job, as he will make himself obnoxious to everyone. DH needs to take care as he is in real danger of this happening for sure. Explain that giving in to his demands is a very short sighted policy, as although it may buy a tiny bit of peace for the moment, another demand is sure to be made soon, until a dictator is created. DH is storing up a heap of trouble for himself in the long term.