Drama at a distance is much easier to deal with
SD14 had not been responding to anything DH or I send to her. BM didn't help the matter either. So this year we didn't get a Christmas list and didn't get to see SD for Christmas. Not a surprise there.
She did finally return a call Christmas evening and she was very unhappy with DH. My DH had no idea what to buy her so he told her that the next time he sees her they will go to the mall and she can get whatever she wants (yikes!). I sent her a few things and signed them from both of us so she would have something for Christmas day. She said that it was cheap that her gifts weren't wrapped, she didn't say anything about the actual gifts themselves. TBH I've gotten wrapped gifts from Amazon before and they are either just stuffed in a bag or wrapped really poorly, so I did not select the gift wrap option. So yeah I feel very cheap now!
DH reminded her that he didn't get a list so he didn't know what to get her. SD said that BM should have given him one. She's 14 and BM is not the middleman anymore.
And apparently she had talked to Meddlesome SIL who had FaceTimed with DH earlier and asked to look around. She told SD we had the whole living room filled with gifts for our two DDs. We had gifts here for the DDs, my brother and his wife, my parents and my DH and I and we each had a "pile." It looked like a lot but we had a good number of people and bulky gifts. I am pretty certain that SD wouldn't have bothered to call DH at all if she hadn't have spoken to meddlesomeSIL earlier.
Whatever, she would have been ungrateful no matter what we sent and SIL would have instigated drama anyway too.
At my middleSILs house everyone had matching PJs. Meddlesome SIL buys them for everyone and makes them wear them on Christmas so she can take pics. It's one of those gifts that's more for herself. Then she guilt trips anyone who doesn't want to come and wear the PJs and join the picture.
DH talked to his family briefly on Christmas morning but has no plans to see them. DH was a little mopey op Christmas but I think it was more to do with the fact that my family was there and treating him much better than his own family treats him. It gets caught up in his feelings when he reflects on the dysfunction of his family. My family is not perfect but they are easier to deal with than his, though I'm glad that it's just us in the house and everyone has gone back to their places.
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Wow
Shes super ungrateful! Calling your gifts cheap and telling her father "he should have gotten a list" WTF?
So thankful that I only have one SD to deal with and shes generally respectful and appropriately grateful.
I agree
Drama at a distance is much easier to deal with. Your SIL must be channeling "A Christmas Story" where the aunt sends those bunny pjs and Raphie has to put them on. Ha ha.
I used to laugh to myself every Christmas once the SKs were adults. BM had good intentions, she wanted to make them a nice Christmas, but there wrre always blow ups about the kids not being on time, upsets about gift greed and fairness, fights between her and her DH. In other words, just another day with volatile, dramatic BM. Thank goodness I was hearing about it second hand, not having to deal with it myself.
Welp, that should be the very
Welp, that should be the very last time DH accepts a video call from meddlesome SIL. And next year HE (not you) can send SD a gift card or money (from him, not you) and not play into her entitled drama.
Yeah I sent the gifts to
Yeah I sent the gifts to cover his ass knowing SD14 was going to have an attitude if he sent nothing and just said he'd take her shopping. He did this for her birthday last year and she didn't care so much on her birthday and had a great time shopping but I did not have the confidence that she wouldn't have an attitude this time given the recent track record.
Her attitude is HIS problem,
Her attitude is HIS problem, not yours. If he can't be bothered to get her gifts, that's on him. You can't fix his relationship with his daughter.
Why is your dh not correcting
Why is your dh not correcting her when she's being a selfish brat?? Instead he makes excuses for not pleasing her rewards her with promises of a shopping spree? What the heck kind of alternate universe is this?
He never corrects her he just
He never corrects her he just says "I'm sorry you feel that way" then complains that she's a spoiled brat after hanging up.
That would be the last time I
That would be the last time I get her any gifts at all.
Sounds like one of my SSs. DH
Sounds like one of my SSs. DH gave them cash this year and they were happy with that, so no complaints, surprisingly...although they are asking when we're going skiing. We're not, because I'm not buying more ski gear. We would always ask if they wanted to go skiing and make it clear that skiing would the the Christmas present, they would always say yes and then one would say to DH, "you never get anything off my list!" Yeah, because his list only included expensive items like an Apple Watch and a gaming monitor.
I also have a meddlesome BIL who this year spent holiday time (which we didn't attend because we were supposed to be traveling) talking to Skids about skiing and then called DH to ask when he was taking skids skiing and asked if he could also take BIL's kids...no thanks.
BIL (and MIL) are also both always making plans with skids and then telling DH he's just "angry with BM" if he dares to have other plans.
Your BIL sounds very much
Your BIL sounds very much like my SIL in making plans with the skids and inviting himself and his spawn along for fun outings at your DHs expense.
Sounds like there's some
Sounds like there's some lessons to be learned from this year's Christmas:
- Your in-laws are meddling pot stirrers. Distance yourself from them, and put them on an info diet.
- Your efforts to give SD gifts were both unappreciated and outside the scope of your role, so quit wasting energy trying to fix things between your DH and his bratty daughter.
- Your DH isn't strong enough to stand up to any of these bad actors. So either lower your expectations, get him into therapy, or both.
- This toxic poo is far above your pay grade. You can't fix it or change it, but you can strive to stay away from it.