Pre skid weekend chores
The whole in-law gang plus sd12 are going to be coming this weekend for my daughter's first birthday even though I didn't want to have any celebration this year due to covid. Great.
That means that starting about Wednesday my anxiety level begins to creep up. I asked my husband to limit the guests to just his sister and SD but we already know that none of them are going to respect the boundaries that we set. Yesterday at the grocery store my husband picked up a bunch of desserts at Costco and the quantity he picked up makes it clear that he expects everyone to come.
I have to do a deep cleaning because several of his family members are allergic to one of my pets and don't like to take allergy pills because it's more fun to complain.
I have to hide all of the homemade quilts that my mother has made otherwise they will use them and leave them on the floor or stuffed behind the couch and use them like kleenex and napkins.
I have to hide my soaps and cosmetics from the bathroom that I don't want anyone else touching.
Have to hide any special food or snacks to prevent it from being eaten. Additionally we need to buy extra food and snacks for the horde of locusts.
I have to hide the TV remote otherwise they will get into our TV and adjust all the settings. the last time we had to completely reset it because the color was all messed up. Who does that?
I have to put away my entire office in order to protect the confidential work I do.
I have to water all my plants because my in-laws take over the room that they're in and I basically cannot access it while they're here because it's full of their luggage.
I also reminds me I need to hide the pretty stones and crystals that I keep in my plants because I have found them moved or missing.
I have to find all of the crap that they left here last time to give it back to them.
What fun chores do you need to do before the skids show up to your house?
After the weekend it's always the same set of chores clean and wash everything and find all the trash and dishes that have been left around.
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Comments
Cancel the party
Seriously, cancel the party. Your daughter is too young to know. Then tell your DuH to cancel the invasion. If he won't, lock everything down safely, take your daughter somewhere else for the weekend and make sure your Duh knows either he cleans up after his feral family or he hires a cleaning crew.
I would tell you to say No to your DuH, since No is a complete sentence but you seem to be struggling to set boundaries.
Good luck. You don't deserve this.
I set boundaries, my husband
I set boundaries, my husband respects them (unless it involves his family), my own family respects them, our friends respect them, but some damn reason his family gets some sort of free pass to do whatever they want. When I was two days post partum with my daughter I was hiding in the bedroom trying to rest and they all burst in wanting pictures. They have NO boundaries. A closed door means nothing to them. They ignore me and they ignore my husband when we try to set boundaries I think the only thing that's really going to work is one of us flipping out and screaming or changing the locks. However since they are bringing SD along with them that means everyone shows up and we are treated like we're being unreasonable if we don't allow them to spend time with SD. They all use SD as justification for invading our house and now they're using my daughter the same way. You're right she's one she won't know what we do.
One last thing on my chore list is to move my car so I'm not blocked in and make sure my husband knows that I've moved it to leave my escape route open.
They have insisted on coming for this birthday party and I bet you that most of them are going to turn up empty-handed. It's not really about the birthday it's about them finding excuse to take a mini vacation at our house for this weekend.
Have a good lock on your
Have a good lock on your bedroom door. If anyone extra shows up.. you tell them that they can't stay.. if they won't leave.. you go into your bedroom with your daughter and lock the door.. and make a lot of sobbing noises so that they are maybe mortified to have made you so upset.
Mumbling things like... "corona virus.." over and over so they hear you.
But - you don't HAVE to do
But - you don't HAVE to do any of this. Stop inviting these people over if they are boundary-stomping, whiny houseguests. Have a party somewhere outside the home and ask them to stay in a hotel. And give your DH a kick in the butt for being unable to stand up to his family.
I would absolutely set a hard
I would absolutely set a hard boundary. If anyone aside from X shows up.. I am packing up DD and we are leaving to go to a hotel for the weekend. and do it.. have a bag packed in the car... tell him you are deadly serious and don't press it.. and don't play all "I can't help what they do".. he will be sorely embarassed by the FIT you throw in front of his family.. as you tell them to get the Heck out of your home.. and to never come back. he will get a front row seat to you telling every one of his relatives exactly what you think about them in detail before you drive off to leave him there.
I will tell you what my SD did to me once
She is an adult now. She asked to stay at my house with a girlfriend while I was out of town. She is a lesbian so this was a romantic partner with her and not a friend who is a girl. She took down all of my photos on my fridge of my kids and had displayed just photos of her and her sister. She literally took a piece of paper and folded it in half and took a magnetic and placed that photo over Dd6 who was younger in the photo. She took all of cosmetics and such and hid them away. When she left she didn't put anything back to normal either. I had to find my personal bathroom things in a basket on the bathroom closet floor. This was my home !!! I never made the love internet but it was so weird. She completely hid away photos of me and my children and displayed just her and her full sibling on my fridge . Covered up her half sister. I was so so so hurt . When she was a guest !!! So ya I feel you
Omg i think you should leave
Omg i think you should leave the pet hair. If they do all that, complain, and won't take allergy pills maybe some sneezing and runny nose will be their reason to stay in a hotel. Heck, brush the animals every day for the next few days and stuff the extra fur clumps under the beds and mattresses they will be using! Let the pets roll around on their pillows.
Or accuse them of having
Yes!!! Then accuse them of having COVID and BOOM there's your excuse for everyone to get the F out of your home!!
I have kinda let the dog do
I have kinda let the dog do that in the past...
Honestly how weird of them!
Honestly how weird of them! If I had that bad of allergies I'd opt to stay in a hotel
The invasion of the inlaws...ugh..nothing worse
Honestly, do what I did. When I had DS my inlaws invaded the day I got home. They expected to be wine, dined and waited on. I was freaking mess..I couldn't breastfeed, DS was not doing well and I had these arseholes in my house.
DD was born...they invaded again. NOPE,,,I packed up my shiz and went to a hotel
If it were me I would
leave all the pet hair. Aww allergies..too bad. This is the pets home NOT YOURS
don't have snacks....the store is that way..see ya when you get back.
Soap what is that...yep they have some at the store..its' that way
I'd leave the tv remotes but no batteries. Every flipping battery in the house would magically disapear. When asked if you have batteries for the remotes....ask why they need it.
Anything left will be thrown out or donated. What stuff..I didn't see no stuf...you must be mistaken.
Plants..I would water those suckers at 2 a.m. while moving all the luggage in the most noisey and annoying way possible. Don't like it..Hotel is that a way.
I might also coat the stones in pepper spay..and wait........
I'm evil though...don't respect me and my wishes I will make it so you never want to return.
I thought DH's family was bad
I thought DH's family was bad...the last time they came to my house, one of them trotted in and turned up our heat (which was already at 68, so it wasn't like I had it set at 62) and then my MIL told my SS to give another a "tour" of our house including inspecting all of our closets and cabinets.
I think I would lose it on my DH if he allowed his family to come over after they had been so disrespectful to my space and my personal boundaries.
My in laws turn up the heat,
My in laws turn up the heat, open the windows, and start a fire in the fireplace all at the same time.
Your husband is incredibly
Your husband is incredibly SELFISH. He is more worried about his own comfort than what you think, your safety and the safety of your child.
Don't do a damn thing for HIS COMFORT. Go to a NICE hotel and enjoy celebrating your baby's birth in peace!
ETA: ProTip - take ALL the toiletries AND bath towels. Pack them up and put them in the trunk of your car.
^^This^^
You're going about this all wrong.
Being nice/rational isn't working with your H because the way these cretins operate is his norm. You need to change tactics if you want a different result. Nice girls finish last in Steplife, because strength and rock hard boundaries are key to survival.
IMO, COVID alone is sufficient reason to cancel the party. You can bypass your spineless H by sending a group text that out of an abundance of caution due to a spike in Corona cases, the celebration is cancelled. Don't warn him, just do it. And if you get pushback from any quarter, take your child and leave.
Your H needs to FEEL the consequences of his inaction. I know most of us care about things looking good for company, but you need to let him experience embarrassment, discomfort, having to scramble to clean, shop, etc. His people, his responsibility. He needs to be shown that there's a cost to breaking faith with you, including you removing yourself and your child from the home.
Hardball and shock n awe need to be employed.
YES, bypass spineless DH and
YES, bypass spineless DH and send a group text yourself.