The world stops when BM has a problem
Why does the world stop when BM calls with a problem? BM had an issue accessing DHs insurance so she called complain like it was the end of the world as he pulled in the driveway after work. He then goes into freakout mode and has to take care of it immediately, ignoring me, my and ignoring our kids. He walks in and dumps the food the bought for our friends that were coming over and focuses entirely on the issue at hand. He didn't even greet us. It doesn't actually take long to handle he just had to wait to boot up his computer and call customer service. But I was left on deal with the kids and prepare food for the friends HE INVITED over.
I had asked him to pick up something for me while he was getting food and he had forgot, it was nothing urgent. He was still in crisis mode and called his friend to stop and buy it on the way to dinner but acted annoyed with me like I was being unreasonable when all I did was ask if he had picked up everything on the list. Then he avoided me for the rest of the evening and was super short when we did talk. I really felt like he was taking his frustration with BM out on me!! He even vented to his friends about BMs crisis and painted her as the victim of the evil insurance company and they were all clearly not interested in hearing about his harrowing call with customer service.
I hate it when BM calls with a crisis, it makes my DH act weird for the whole day after! I don't know what she said to him but he always gets super weird after talking to her and takes it out on me!
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I would call him out on it.
I would call him out on it. Tell him that you don't care if he has to immediately resolve BM's issue, but that you will not tolerate rudeness and disrespect and you will not tolerate these issues impacting his behavior/mood for hours after the issue is resolved. If he continues to act this way, you either expect him to handle the issue outside of the home or you and the kids will leave while he is behaving like a temper tantrum throwing toddler.
Make you a way bigger problem
Make you a way bigger problem than BM's problems. Take your kids and go to your parents house when your jerk husband "forgets" things you ask of him and then treats you badly when he's upset about BM. Don't cook his dinner. Leave his stupid friends in the lurch.
I need to do this because he
I need to do this because he's not worth being around and it's not worth saving face for his friends if he's going to act this way and embarrass himself anyway.
SD is getting braces and I'm sure insurance issues are going to keep coming up throughout the process.
I can imagine that he'd like
I can imagine that he'd like to solve the problem as quickly as possible so that BM goes away (for now). But that is NO cause to be unkind to you. He has got to find a way to compartmentalize his irritation with BM. It's like having a bad day at work then coming home and kicking the dog. It's childish, at best.
BM's crisis is also not necessarily HIS crisis. If the problem couldn't be solved by BM herself, surely most reasonable people would have set it aside until the next day and enjoyed the time with his family and friends.
I'd have exactly one calm conversation with him about how his unacceptable behavior affects you and your household, including your expectations of how a wife is to be treated even if he's upset about something. If it happens after that, remove yourself from the situation, however that looks. Leave the house, go to a different room, ask him to leave.
You are NOT the punching bag, and don't allow him to treat you like one.
What she said^^^^^
Right on, Merry!
It really looks like you have a DH problem
SD is getting braces Dons not have to be solved ASAP. That could be done the next day. It's not like she is bleeding to death, in the the emergency room.
I would not stand for that disrespect from DH. He must get his values straight.
There is nothing about an X
There is nothing about an X that should drive this kind of behavior from YOUR husband. Time to give him clarity on that.
An insurance issue is not an emergency unless a Skid is missing a limb and in the ER or a hospital somewhere.
Why does he even take these calls much less put you and your children on the back burner for his X? He acts annoyed with you when he is on with BM... show him what annoyed looks like each and every time he goes into BM beck-and-call boy/chore bitch mode. Make it so obvious and so unpleasant for him each and every time he does it that he will not do it.... ever.
When the phone rings from BM his answer needs to be, email me, CLICK!. Except in the event of a catastrophic injury or illness for one of the Skids.