"You never did that for me"
Since it's not a weekend for parties or holidays SD15 decided to grace is with her presence. I was a bit annoyed that I didn't know about this until Wednesday and he picked her up Thursday to stay a long weekend. Anyway...
SD15 noticed that our daughter's nails were painted. DH very proudly says that he painted them. Trimming the kids nails is his job and he does it every weekend. He paints the 3 year old's nails and it's the cutest thing seeing them bond over it. SD15 got an attitude and asked why he never painted her nails. He told her that she always went to the salon. BM takes her all the time and DH used to take her on his custody weekends. Still she had an attitude. He offered to piant her nails but she already had them done. AT THE SALON.
SD15 has a problem with DH being a dad to our kids. He gives them a bath, puts them to bed, reads, does the nails, hair... All that. SD15 said he never did that stuff for her. He said he did and she didn't remember.
My DH is a great dad to our kids. A big reason why is I MADE him and I LET him. I always made him do diapers, and feed them, trim nails, give baths. I do most of the child care but dammit I'm not doing all of it. Plus all those things are how you bond. I don't have to tell for him to do it, he is eager to. He loves being a dad and the 3 year old prefers him a lot of the time.
DH told me after we went to bed (SD stayed up watching Netflix) that he did do a lot of that stuff for SD but he wasn't as hands on with her until they split because he was hardly ever alone with her. BM either wouldn't let him or criticized him when he did anything. His MIL was always around and did a lot so they took very traditional gendwr roles. Before they even split he was already shut out and treated like his only role was to be a paycheck. He said he's a lot more hands on with our kids mostly because we keep in laws at a distance and we're the "same team." He said the 3 year old just wants cookies and hugs and tell him she loves him all the time, meanwhile SD15 won't talk to him most of the time but asks him to spend thousands of dollars on gifts.
I told him maybe he needs to have this conversation with SD15 because she is obviously upset about it. He said he wasn't sure how today it in a way that won't make her madser or be negative about BM.
BM has no problem saying negative things about us that aren't even true.
Our kids are at daycare and I'm at work today. He took off and they went to see a movie and do a shopping spree at the mall. Hopefully this makes her get over her attitude.
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Guilt trip
SD sounds like she has found a good guilt trip.
Manipulative AF
Entitlement doesn't come from getting too little, it comes from getting too much. There should be consequences for twating.
SD: Hey Daddykins, take me to the mall for lunch and shopping spree.
DH: No. I don't do anything for you, right? It's weird how you'd expect me to do something for you after claiming I don't do things for you.
He is literally out with her
He is literally out with her for lunch and a shopping spree at this moment....
Oh I forgot to mention she wasn't satisfied with the birthday gifts we sent to her and even more unsatisfied that we didn't have any waiting for her unexpected visit, so the shopping spree is probably extra guilt driven. I don't even want to check my DHs account.
If only we could remember all
If only we could remember all of the cool things we did as 3 year olds!
Is there some age-appropriate (inexpensive) bonding activity he can start doing with SD on a regular basis that she can record (selfies!) and remember?? IMO, she's jealous and reaching for excuses.
SD has always claimed to have
SD has always claimed to have memories from when she was a baby. She's just remembering pictures she's seen of herself but don't try to tell her that...
HCBMs start the PAS at birth
HCBMs start the PAS at birth in some cases. They do it by making daddy seem incapable. My DH did all the work at home while BM left the skids feral. She left to whore around at night while DH was the parent. When he finally left her, she tried dumping them on us all the time without taking a CS cut. I stopped that game. Then she would just leave them alone with OSS in charge ( 13/14 at the time). Of course she rewrote history and erased his parenting of them as little ones. I'm sure your BM has done the same. If DH wants to make a impression on his daughter , he needs to share memories of her as a little girl, things they did together and ask her why her mother says differently. He doesn't need to provide the answer to that but plant the seed on SD's head. He needs to stop being a wallet to her too. She will never keep a partner if he doesn't at least show her how to respect him. As a person. IMO
Satan claimed she was all
Satan claimed she was all alone at Killjoy's birth, even DH wasn't there. Killjoy kept repeating it.
So I gathered some photos into a folder named "immaculate conception", printed them out, and turned them over to Killjoy. They included pics of DH, MIL, FIL, SIL, cousins, all there at the hospital. Killjoy viewed the first two photos, laid the stack down, and just left them there.
They have 0 interest in facts because the reward for acting like twats outweighs the reward for being kind. Victimhood serves them better, unless there are consequences.
Victimhood serves them better
Victimhood serves them better
SPOT ON!!!
Ugh "victimhood serves them
Ugh "victimhood serves them better" AKA "rewriting history" AKA "cognitive dissonance."
SD and BM have both blamed me for DH and BM not being together even though SD once admitted she met her stepdad before meeting me. Hmmm.
DH paid child support when they were separated before there was even an order (it's right in their divorce documents that the judge was surprised that DH calculated it and started paying on his own) but BM insists he abandoned her and left her and SD in a bad spot. No she kicked him out after he outed her for cheating in front of her family (man that must have been satisfying) and she was furious and always comes back to that fight being why they divorced. No they didn't divorce for her cheating, it was for him embarrassing her. Ok.
This is a good idea but it
This is a good idea but it might need to be changed a little for us. DH has no pictures of himself with BM or of them as a family. He does have pictures from after they split of the fun things the did when he had his custody time. The problem is, back then he didn't have a mortgage, or a new wife or more kids so he was very much a Disney dad. I don't really blame him you pick up a 6-year-old and take them to a water park and they have the time of their life. Once SD hit preteen the cost for her outings started to steadily get more and more expensive and DH started saying no more often. There was a very clear time when his priorities and spending shifted, namely when we met and got a house together. I know SD15 blames me for her dad indulging her less and acting more like a dad rather than a fun uncle. I think showing her those pictures or reminiscing about those times are only going to remind SD how things became a whole lot less fun once I came on the scene.
Whenever my meddlesome SIL is around she likes to reminisce about the before times so it's not like SD has not been reminded about this pretty recently.
But yeah maybe he should dig out some baby pictures or tell some new stories.
If she's doing this to
If she's doing this to manipulate him into buying her more gifts, it's obviously wrong.
But if she's genuinely upset about it, that's a different story. By your DH's admission, there's part truth part lie to what she said, if I understood right. If she's genuinely upset and hurt by how he is with her Vs her siblings , I don't think she should bottle up and live with that hurt forever.
Maybe it's a bit of both. She wants more gifts and she's upset.
In any case, I think you're right he needs to say something because buying her stuff is not going to help.
There is a grain of truth
There is a grain of truth that he never did some of these things with her but she doesn't want to play the comparison game with me. She had done and gotten a lot of things that ours haven't by age 3.
Ours didn't have big birthday parties, she always does, ours have never been on vacation, she goes several times a year, ours haven't gone to Disney, she goes every other year, ours don't have fine jewelry, she got her ears pierced as a baby with diamonds, I could go on.
Stepkids don't think it's fair unless they have more. And if what she is really jealous of is Daddy's attention then maybe she should respond to Daddy's attempts at contact more often.