BF has kids and X giving me hell!!!!
Hubby and I have been married for 3yrs together for 6yrs. I havea son with my x and a daughter with my hubby. We also have 3 step kids together. the youngest 5, bm and I get along no problems. The oldest 17 & 15 bm gives me hell. BM gave sd and ss to hubby whn they were babies. Dropped them off with his granmothe and a trash bag full of clothes and said he could have them. Just never ask for support, they were never married. The kids were 9 and 11 when I moved in my son was 5 the other ss was a baby. Their bm was never around, she would refuse them a visit and make them cry stating she had a dr apt--on the weekend??? I never bad mouthed their mother I mostly ignored her. When my son stared school I started taking on the tasks of a mother to them simply b/c no one was. She called hubby and told him she was their mother not me!!! I ignored her. No major problems until teen yrs. Now she is giving me hell. She allows them to do what ever when they visit on the weekends and now sd17 is pregnant. She seems to be super pleased and wants to be in full control of the kids. since they recieve insurance through me she needs the card to take her to prenatal visits, which I have now been told I have no say in. I feel upset since I have been taking them to dentists and drs for 6 yrs but I gave up the card so bm could take her. Now the sd17 has been sick she wont eat I get blamed by bm for it. She is failing classes b/c she just lays in the bed with her boyfriend all night but I was told it is not her fault b/c she is so sick from being pregnant. Bull she just doesn't want to do the work. We grounded both the SD and SS and my son for bad grades- she called to tell hubby that he can't ground sd17 she is pregnant and needs to see baby daddy and since my son(who until this one bad grade had all straight a's) was on the football team we could not ground SS. Bull last year ss was failing and was still on the basketball team. Now bm shows up at my house and lets her self in walks through the entire house-even if I have company- and spends hours in sd's bedroom. She shows up when no one is home but the kids and stays in my house. When I come home she is in the house!!! I tried to stand my ground and kick her out, the first time I ever stood up to her and the kids got mad and want to move out. I am at my wits end. I have driven the kids to her house when she refused to pick them up, bought them her christmas birthday n mother's day gifts, even made the obituary flyers for bm's granfather's funeral with no charge. I threw a birthday party for sd's sweet 16 and invited bm. Some how she got sd to believe it as her idea and she did nothing. I am trying to let it go b/c it is ruining my marriage. Anyone have legal advice as to her in my house when we are not home?? She does not pay support can she really just enter my home when she wishes??? I need relief!!!!!!!!!!!!
- seqouiahmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
HELL TO THE NO!!
Set boundries and quick!!! Let the incubator know that your house- your rules, and she is not welcome there anymore!!! Hubby should back you up. There is no way in hell I would allow her to disrespect me and then invade my living domain. Especially when you and DH are not home. She wants to play mommy now? Good, she can take her kids over to her house. Let her put her OWN children on HER insurance. No way should you be paying for her pregnancy!!! Oy these women!
"All that we are is a result of what we have thought."- Buddha
what????
All I can say right now is where in the hell is your husband? He needs to come out of the shadows.
get em out!
i would kick the preggo sd out of the house and take her off of my insurance. if the sk's want to live with mom, let them go! don't forget to change the locks.
concentrate on yourself, your kid, and your marriage.
Unbelievable!
All I know is if BM ever came into my house on her own...GOD HELP HER. There must be some legal ramifications. Unlawful entry or something? I don't care if she is paying $1,000,000 a month to you in support or not, it doesn't give her the right to come into your house. Can you call a lawyer? Sometimes you can find them online and they will answer your questions via email. Just a thought.
Good luck to you.
No way...
should even put up with any of this!!!!! First of all, I would tell BM if she wants to carry health insurance for her pregnant daughter, go right ahead. Then she won't need to ask you for an insurance card OR your opinion on the prenatal visits. I would absolutely not tolerate her parading into your home - it is YOUR home not SDs. You can also tell SD that she doesn't feel like going to school and earning decent grades, then she can get a job! If she's responsible enough to procreate, she needs to be like the rest of us and take responsibility. I think a lot of us moms didn't slip at work because we were pregnant, we still have responsibilities. Let her go live her mom, let her take care of that baby - she did such a good job with her own kids. Otherwise she can live in your house with your rules and if she gets bad grades, she gets grounded.
And for what it's worth, I had my son one month after my 18th birthday. I went to highschool in the morning til 1:00pm and worked 3 afternoons a week and on Saturdays. I lived rent free with my parents but I paid for all the baby's things and my mom gave me 6 months before she said I HAD to move out. Trust me, she held my hand the whole way - job hunting, government grants for school, low-income apartments, etc. It was the best thing she could have EVER done for me because now I'm a productive adult and am very proud of all that I've accomplished. Don't enable your SD to be a loser and not do anything - either that man who made that baby needs to take care of her or she needs to take care of herself. Not you. Especially when she's as ungrateful as she is.
OMG!
First of all I have to say that you seqouiahmom sound like an amazing woman with a heart of gold. I'll take you as my children's sm anyday! Any bio that has the good fortune to have a stepmom like yourself yet she can't recognize a great thing when she sees it, is crazy! Read my posts if you want to see the sm that I deal with.... Send her to your bm and we'll see how quickly her attitude toward you changes!
I am a stepmom and with that I had your grace in dealing with this crazy situation.... I would just let her do her thing... she is creating and living in her own hell, so just let her... I know, easier said then done.... It is very difficult to stand by.... Sorry that I don't have much for advice....
It is YOUR home...not a public place
I feel your frustration in your writing. Dealing with others and the baggage can really wear at you. And remember, it is YOUR house. YOUR home. People have to live with their choices, and you can't make choices for them.
You can however take a step in your choices...one is to Choose to believe in you. Just you writing this knows that something isn't right. You know what to do. Sometimes doing it is the hard part.
Weather the storm and make a commitment. Commit to yourself that you will do what you think is right. Strong families, strong step families depend on strong commitments. No matter what.
My prayers are with you.
Living it,
Emmett, Visionary Step Dad
http://www.stepdads101.com
Might have some problems......
I hate to inform you of this one, because I can understand ALL of your frustrations, completely!! With that being said, if your sd/ss invite her into the house, or say "its ok, I want mom to be here" you can't legally charge her. If someone who lives in the home allows another entry even if the others don't want them there, no charges will be laid or enforced, all law officials will say is this is a civil matter, you figure it out amongst yourselves. The law most often does not help those in need, unfortunately.
My suggestion is to lay down your own laws within your home. 1. Hubby is to be involved and enforce the rules as well. 2. SD/SS are to listen to the rules of YOUR home and one being, BM is not ALLOWED to EVER be in the house unless you or hubby invite her in. This is your house, your privacy she is invading. 3. I would also send BM a letter indicating that she is not allowed on the property (trespassign order), but like I mentioned, if the skids let her in, police will not enforce it. So it really comes down to the kids respecting rules set in place in your home.
I know if it was happening in my house, hell would break out. I will be dammed if that woman would have access to my home whenever she felt like it. NOt gonna happen in this life time....but I also have a hubby that would back me 100% on that. We don't go into her house, she doesn't go into our house....end of story.
Good luck,
Corie