Now I'm pissed...
So everyone is off today...
DH had a great idea to go out to breakfast and take MIL along since she has to work everyday for the rest of the week...
Fine...
So we're out at the restaurant, and DS starts acting like a two year old...So I sternly tell him to sit at the table and eat his food...Nothing out of the ordinary. I believe that you train them from the beginning...So he's in training...
Nobody says anything...business as usual...
Then it hits me...Whenever I corrected SD with that tone (pre-disengaging), MIL had so many issues with me, and DH called me mean...
So what is it? I can talk to MY child in that tone (the same tone THEY use with SD, BTW) but I can't BUT you want me to treat her the SAME as I do DS??
Does that make sense to anybody, cause it sure as hell doesn't make sense to me...
I'm literally in my room fuming because I KNOW this isn't something I could bring up in a conversation with MY husband and it make sense to him...He'll see it as me trying to start a fight...
I thought it was time for me to re-engage, but I think I'm going to hold off...The ONLY reason that I think things are great is because I don't say much of anything to SD, and DH does everything...quite well I might add...And if I was going to re-engage, if I have to step in to discipline or correct, I'm going to do it exactly how I do it with DS...and I know that's where the problems are going to come in...
I'm looking back on some of the times when I've had to put DS in time out or scold him...I've gotten NOTHING from either of them...And what I say and how I say it, is how I am...If that makes sense...I've not changed how I am for SD's sake or turned up some meanness or something...I believe in addressing misbehavior right then and there...when I did it with SD, EVERYBODY had issues...When I do it with my own child...THE EXACT SAME WAY...I get crickets...
I guess they want to have the cake and eat it, too...
Eff them...I'm not serving cake...
I'm staying disengaged...
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I guess they want to have the
I guess they want to have the cake and eat it, too
Yes, that's exactly what they want to. I discoverd the same. I have two kids that are each within a year of ss or so-so they are all peers. I disciplined ss in the same manner that I would my own kids-talked to him in the same way, gave him the same postives and privileges when he earned them. The only difference is I did have to give him MORE consequences because his behavior was blatantly much worse. In fact, I let go of alot of little things he did that I would punish my own for simply because I did not want ss to have consequences ALL the time. We all blended when my two were 2 and 9 months, and ss was 1. So they all grew up together.
What I found my dh, mil, bm-whoever the hell else-really wanted was for me to treat my ss BETTER than I treated my own kids. When I realized that I was pissed too-and started backing off as well. Now, I am totally disengaged. And they are left with their mess of a kid.
That is why i have said too
That is why i have said too many times to count that they REALLY don't want us to treat them like our own but better! that is where so many step parents mainly step moms have the most trouble b/c they are being told over and over to treat skids like their own but then when they do and their dh's get mad they are confused. Does that make sense?
There lays the problem that most of these 'men' and their families can't see it or they don't want too.
Maybe that is where you can start.
Ugh! You ladies are
Ugh! You ladies are right...I swear I need a drink...It's only 10:15am...Welp...It's 5:00 somewhere, right?
purpledaisies, I've been trying to change the SM perspective in my family, but now that I've had this revelation, I'm not sure it's working...I'm the MAIN one saying, "Stay out of my business..." I've told MIL that this is NOT her family, but DH and MINE and her opinion doesn't count...I've also told her that if SM are supposed to treat their Skids as their own, where are hers?? Just because you divorced the father of the Skids, if you're applying the same requirements of motherhood on a SM as a BM, by all intents and purposes, their STILL your kids, right...Soo...??? Oh right...You haven't talked to them in almost 15 years...But they're your kids, right? NO? Yes? Which is it? (Of course she said her experience was different because her ex cheated on her and she had to divorce him and have no contact...)I told her that was a sorry excuse and BS...
I'm not a crazy yelling, argumentative person, but I'm VERY analytical with my thinking, and don't have a problem having hard conversations with people calmly and professionally...And this is why MIL doesn't bring me her garbage...She takes it to DH who knows better than to bring it to me...I think I need to drop a lug here and there to some of the things though...I hate doing that, but that's the only way she can have a "conversation"...or I could just ignore it all...