SD18 losing her phone line with us
So, after SD16 and SD18 ganged up on me recently, to shout about how much they hate me because their BM tells them to, I've come to a decision. DH has been generally messing up my cell phone account. He constantly breaks his phones and has to buy new ones, so he's put his most recent phone purchase on a "payment plan" on my account, which I added him to years ago. I am getting tired of us always being stuck with this carrier because we have a phone balance on our account. He does make the payments so far, but I've decided its worth it to me to pay off the phone and take back control of my account. (I'm the primary.) So I called up the cell phone carrier and changed the pin password to something only I know. I also set it so that on Nov 18, SD 18 (almost 19) will be losing her free cell phone line that we pay for. Her behavior has gone too far.
I haven't told anyone yet, because I wanted to talk with DH first and come to an understanding of what I will and won't put up with from his kids. I had that talk with him last night. He tried to smooth it all over but I told him I will sit with you while you talk to the kids, but I am out of there as soon as they start hurling insults at me. Its one thing for him to accept verbal abuse from them, but I refuse to. I will escort them to the door and call the cops if they resist. He didn't like that, but he accepted it because he knows when I am dead serious. Sure, he tried to make me feel guilty about it, but I told him NOPE. You can stop right there. I will not accept the blame for YOUR bad parenting.
So, once he has calmed down from that, I will tell him to call his daughter and tell her she is going to need to get a cell phone plan of her own, or ask BM to front her. I fully expect tears from her and anger from him, but I don't care. I told him that something inside me broke when I realized that his kids have been using me for money and that they have really hated me all these years. I told him I don't care to know them as people, but he can still have a relationship with them if he wants, just not at my expense. I also told him the 18 year old has no reason to come here anymore, since she is an adult and doesn't seem to want to talk to him or me.
So, in 2 weeks we will see the sh*t hit the fan again, and I will be standing there with my umbrella, waiting. Wish me luck. I am so f*ing tired of these kids.
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Comments
Good for you! We still pay
Good for you! We still pay for SD22.5's cell phone and I would love to save the $ on that but I know DH would never go for it.
Be warned though, as the late Mr. Lahey said the sh- barometer is dropping. You may be in for a sh- hurricane instead of just a sh- storm. Make sure you stand your ground.
25
DH still pays for Bratty's cell phone and she is 25 LOL. Its on a seperate account that he pays for (not joint funds) so I don't have to deal with her crap.
Good for you!!!
Good for you!!!
Perfect!
Now she can see what happens when you "bite the hand that feeds you." Your DH, too. I'd put him on notice...you break a phone, you buy a new one outright. No more credit. It's unfortunate but this is the only way to deal with people like this.
Personally, I would not be around for the shit to hit the fan. That's HIS kids to deal with. I would not even take a chance they'd do that same screaming crap to me again. Your DH has been put on notice and now he can tell his kids. Let them scream at him and let HIM go get an account for his kids' phones. If the other one is on your plan, I'd dump her, too.
She made the choice to attack
She made the choice to attack you verbally. She's also an adult now. Sucks to be her I guess.
As for him, can you make it so that your phone acct. no longer allows him to do that?
Yes
Yes, I locked him out of our phone account. I am primary, so I can do that. SD16 is not on our plan, as she wanted a fancy new I phone so her mom got it and put her on BM's plan.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!
GOOD FOR YOU!!!
They don't like it? Your DH and his two failures can get a phone plan on their own-- without you.
Enough is enough.
Good for you....
I wouldn't be there for the conversation. Why should you be? Not like you are going to contribute and if they hate you that much then it would "triggering" for you to be there.
I remember when DH canceled GWR's phone service after he went all NOPE on DH. OMG...DH was the worst parent ever. DH was like..whatever....this is what happens when you bite the hand that feeds you.
Now..DD and DS are still on our plan....they know better than to bite that hand and say thank you regularly.
I wouldn't warn her. But
I wouldn't warn her. But that's me. I also agree that he had this conversation away from the house, away from you. It's way over due for him to protect you from this drama, this abuse, this mountain of BS. If there is anything else they benefit from , now is the time to cut it off. Make it whole and final.
Id nope my way out of that!
Go do something fun. Those bishes unleashed on you and verbally attacked you, and that is NOT ok.
They dont get your time and attention anymore. Your husband gets to do the hard work. He gets to deal with their nasty. He can deal with the "phone fall out".
Husband over here transfered him and SD16 snotty mcpoutersulk to their own plan. So he recently said "oh well if she doesnt do her school catch up Ill take the phone and I can do that now we are on my own separate plan." So I kind of see how that works - its not my plan so I can no longer be in the cross hairs.
So, I would suggest you do the same. Your hubs can go on his own plan and pay for his spawn.
Good job, SM! Both the SDs
Good job, SM! Both the SDs AND your DH will ultimately benefit from some hard boundaries. And while it probably doesn't feel like it right now, the timing of this is excellent. Your home will no longer be Plan B when BM gets fed up with her loser daughters and decides to boot one or both.
How are you feeling? Did you make an appointment with your cardiologist? Please do. It can take a while to feel calm and safe again after such an attack.
Thanks
Thanks. I hope so. I did not see a cardiologist. I recently got checked out fully by one, and they said I was ok. My hands are shaking after 4 days though, and my heart just stopped feeling like it was being squeezed by my ribs yesterday. It helps to return to work, and be around people that know I am a good person, and that I can be relied upon. It restores the normality.
Good. I personally agree
Good. I personally agree there's no need for you to be there during that conversation.
DH should NOT blame you for it though. There should be no "Shield cancelled your plan so you need to get your own." It should be "You will no longer be covered under the household plan, it's time for you to get your own. Here's a list of low-cost providers that you can contact to obtain service for a reasonable fee."
Good for you
And stand your ground. You're definitely right - the 18 year old for sure can hit the road if she doesn't want to be there.
Bravo! Well done you.
Bravo! Well done you.
Honestly, good for you.
Honestly, good for you.
If I ever would have talked to my stepparent the way your SD's did my mom would have never let me hear the end of it. Canceling SD18's phone line is a pretty good way to show them you're not effing around anymore. Also good on you for putting your foot down with SD18 coming to visit. I could understand if maybe she and your DH had a relationship, but it doesn't really seem like they do. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you when DH has "the talk" with them.
Another vote for Don't be
Another vote for Don't be there for the conversation.
They are your DH's circus/monkeys. If those monkeys are on anyone's plan, it should be DH's or BM's; certainly not yours. DH could always take his monkeys to the park for that conversation while you indulge in an evening of pampering in the comfort of your home.
It's a simple conversation
It's a simple conversation that DH needs to have. Don't think there is really anything else for you to contribute, other than coaching DH through what he's going to say. Try this:
DH: You've made it clear that you dislike Shieldmaiden and don't want a relationship with her. I wish that weren't the case, but you're old enough to decide who is and is not in your life. So I don't think it's right that Shieldmaiden continues to generously provide her cell phone plan to you. You can't want her out of your life then take things from her. So you have two weeks to find a new plan.
That's it.
Love this!!!
They cannot cherry pick what they want from SM, while tossing her to the side after crapping all over her.
This!!!
Somehow, say this to your DH.....why would anyone want to pay a cell phone bill (or any bill) for people that scream in your face and belittle you??? Why??? LOL
Stand strong. You are doing the right thing!
As for being there during the talk
As for being there during "the talk"... The only reason I agreed to be there was to make a show of the fact that I wont be chased out of my dining room twice. I want to look them in the eye and stare them down while they try to wheedle their way out of it. I also want to stare down DH when he loses his resolve, and make sure he knows to grow a spine or I will do the talking for him.
Also, if I have to kick SD18 out of the house during this, I will. SD16, if she goes on the attack, will be given a choice: go to your room for 20 minutes and calm down, or go drive yourself and your sister home to mama's.
I welcome any other input you have. I wish I didn't have to do this but it needs to be done, otherwise they will think they have won. Then I will never have a moment of peace again.
Okay, just remember, this is
Okay, just remember, this is a phone plan, not the last helicopter out of saigon. SD16 has already switched to BM's phone plan, and so can SD18. If she loses her mind, it is because of narcissistic injury.
I would gladly be at the
I would gladly be at the "family" sit down. I would also let them know I was recording the discussion. If they get verbally abusive towards you, show them the door like you said you would. You have a right to live peacefully in your home.
I love that idea!
I love that idea! I will set up my phone to record the conversation.
One is 18 right? She can be
One is 18 right? She can be escorted out the door by the police.
The good news, in two weeks you will not have to see or hear the
shit hit the fan since she won't be able to contact you and is no longer allowed on your property.
Buh-bye SD-18.
Told DH the plan for the talk
I told DH that this is not a "Kum-ba-yah" talk about why can't we all get along. I told him, this is a "Come to Jesus" meeting. Shape up or GTFO. He didn't like that, but bit his tongue because I was on a roll and he knows not to f**k with me when I am on a roll. LOL.
I still don't think he gets it. I told him "Either you lay it out for them, or I WILL. I will not be blamed for any hurt feelings because your kids can't own up to their own bad behavior. I will be purchasing the whiskey (some good goddamned sh*t BTW) today, because that's how I roll when I am on a roll. HEHHEHE.