Their enmeshment would make conjoined twins blush.

Mrs. Headlights is also enmeshed with her daughter.   The daughter magically got an internship in another dept. here and the first thing she wrote in about is her intra office chat feature isn't working.  (so she can chat with mommykins all day long)

I told Mrs. Headlights that I went to a charity raffle that benefitted my DIL's school that she works for (parochial)  and she always makes back hand "compliments" such as "Oh it's good you are close to them at least"  She knows that my biodaughter and I are two different type of personalities and I allow them to live their own lives (she and her husband) without sticking my nose into their business.   Something completely foreign to Mrs. Headlights and Battleaxe Galactica.

I could see spawn and meth mouth trying to get on this show 

My SD22 is completely enmeshed with NPD BM.  She doesn't seem to have any friends her own age - she doesn't live with her mother, but returns home to spend every weekend with her and they socialise only with each other.   They also go on holiday together and with SD24.   It has always been so, and I don't see anything changing. 

BioHo considers her daughters to be her best-est friends and posts that caca all over FakeBook, tagging them.

SD26 just 'likes' the posts (then tells DH that 'Ho is a f*cking nutbag and she does it to avoid drama).

SD22 is aaaaaaaall over that shite and up 'Ho's arse. No surprise from mini 'Ho...

Spawn11 luuuuuuuvs BioHo right now. If she's like her half-sisters, 16 will be the magic age when she suddenly HATES 'Ho.

This conecpt resonated with me, you have commented on my post about the twins and there Mother dieing if you remeber. The idea of setting healthy boundries is exactly what i m atrying to do with the SD's. I want to make sure they have all the love and support they need, but healthy boundaries are set early on. 

I already feel smothered every single day, i can;t walk out of a room with out them following clinging to me, asking 1000 questions, wanting "Girl Time". Asking the same questions telling the same stories or having the same converastions day inan day out. Literally they just talk to talk most of the time, no matter how mayntims its itterated to them that they don't have to talk every second of every day they seem to be reaching far and hard for that attention. We spend time together every single day, but I can;t always get to one on one attention i work full time and have a Bio 3 year old of my own and i have learned self care enough to know that no time to myself only leads down a bad road for EVERYONE! 

my 3 year old is so good about palying a lone for periods of time, cause well from day one i have raised him to "play alone" AKA self care. I want to teach the twins that.. They are also with each other 100% of the time, except in diffrent classes in school. Outside that they do EVERYTHING togther and i really feel that, thatv needs to change. I want them to have a bad day and ask for alone time, spend time with themselves get to know there own thoughts and feelings without the others influence or my influence. 

any suggestions on boundraies or activies that are short that help them feel loved, included but that they aren't tethered to me at all times? 

I see this first-hand, but in a more insidious way. BM for my SD31 and SD28 (SS26 seems more wary) has been a scary force. She calls herself "Earth Mother", and is a 'poet-philosopher'; treats her adult kids like children by keeping them emotionally fragile. She has raised her 3 to think she has cultish knowledge - they can't make a decision without her input. This has successfully made them slaves to her for their whole lives. It's a level of mind control (mindf*<k, actually) like I've never seen.  

...and then their dad met me: educated, in a professional career, 2 successful kids at post-secondary programs (BM home-schooled, poorly, so none of them had any education past 8th grade level; adds to their insecurities and her control). 
 

So needless to say, my SDs don't know what to make of me. Their dad regrets his distance during their childhood - he was trying to survive too (12 years of counseling/therapy later). He had (has?) hopes that they would learn a different way of doing things from my example, but I don't want to be their BFF (or their mom!).   DH enjoys a positive and healthy relationship with my two. I don't really see a warm family bind developing between our 2 sets of kids, honestly, and I'm learning to be ok with that. 

Their mother still has screaming fights with her mother (92!) so the pattern is set, unless THEY truly want to change it.