Do shared holidays mean BM gets the kids whenever she wants and as much as she wants?
I ask because this year Christmas Eve and Christmas day both fall on our week. We have 50/50 custody EOW. This is the first time in 3 years that DH will have his kids- SS5 and SS7 - on Christmas morning. We have known this little fact for a year and DH is really excited about it. Currently they 'share' the holidays. DH never complained the last few years because that is just how the days fell.
It started when SS7 told us that he would only be at out house 3 days the next time. we shook it off as he would be seeing BM on those two days so that must have been what he was talking about. But when he left he told me Marry Christmas and said he wasn't coming back until after Christmas.
But when we dropped the boys off tonight BM asked DH what his plans were for the holidays. She asked if it would be the same as before. DH told her no and asked her what time she would be done at her mom's Christmas eve night because then he would come get them. She instantly started to tear up!
I do feel bad for her to a point but DH has done this for 3 years and the first year he was completely alone on Christmas morning and we offered to bring them over to her house after noon for a few hours just like she did for us in the past.
I think she thought if she started to cry DH would cave to her like he used to when they were married but now it just ticks him off. Because he sees that she cries over the stupidest things and usually just to he people to feel sorry for her.
I told DH he will get a few phone calls or txt this week form upset BM and/or her family regarding how evil we are for 'keeping the kids from her on the holidays' which is not the case we have agreed to share but it's our night(s) to have them. And she needs to stop telling SS7 things before she talks to DH.
We also have the CO out just in case she tries to NOT return them Christmas Eve night. I am sure there will be some lame excuse as to why she should get them, she will probably even convince SS7 that he wants to be with her. Santa stops at our house too you know.
Are we right to hold our ground on this one? DH really has been looking forward to this. I also eats into his time with his kids. That would be one or two nights with them that we wouldn't get back.
What would you or your DH's do?
- SisterNeko's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
My SO would roll belly up and
My SO would roll belly up and let BM and FMiL scratch his tummy........
I on the other hand, being BM to 2 boys share christmas every year with their BD regardless of whose time it is. For example, my exH has BS's EOWe so when Christmas falls during the week technically its my time with them. But we swap years, so last year they were at exH christmas eve, with me for lunch Christmas day and then with exH for dinner. This year they are with me Christmas eve, lunch with exH and dinner with me etc etc.
I know its a little different particularly if you have the type of situation with BM where you have to follow your CO to the letter in order to actually get the time you have been awarded. If I was your DH i would definately stand my ground, perhaps offer to bring them by in the morning/afternoon to open pressies and see mum but definately if its his CO'd week then by all means stick to the letter of your CO and have them!!
Good luck!!
I would love every other year
I would love every other year deal but DH wants to see them as much as he can.
Exactly! She would always
Exactly! She would always drop them off with us for like an hour on Christmas Day. They would be exhausted, hungry and whiny. Not exactly a fun time. Our Christmas photos the last 3 years are almost worthless. I hope if they wake up here we will get the happy well rested kids and BM can have the the train wreck this year.
My exH and I share holidays
My exH and I share holidays it's been the same since we split and we don't exactly follow the CO but work around his family and my families celebrations which was what we did when we were together, add that our dd's birthday is Christmas eve and our ds's is 4th of July it gets tricky. He always gets to see them for both, but hasn't had them for Christmas morning or fireworks since we split. The kids prefer our 4th of July tradition so request to be with me, and their dad's family does Christmas in the afternoon Christmas day. Honestly if I missed fireworks with my kids and Christmas morning I'd probably just stay in bed and cry like a sissy but I wouldn't let them know. He's never asked for different and neither have the kids, if they did I sure wouldn't be happy about it, but I just couldn't let them know that.
SO hasn't had his kids for Christmas or their birthdays in 2 years, his son's falls on BM's weeks this year and I'm betting she won't let him see him and she'll probably try and find a way to keep his daughter on hers even though it's his week. At least it looks like he will get them Christmas morning, unless she wants to look really bad in court on the 28th.
I understand being sad. But
I understand being sad. But like you said you would let the ex have them and hide your sadness. Our issue is BM found and filed their divorce online. While it did the job, when it come to the kids it rather... Um. Not specific. It says EOW to confuse as it has since split. But it says nothing about the holiday. I found a rough draft in the filing cabinet that has more but the copy DH got from the court house lacks those 'attachments' so I am not sure what that means and I have suggested to DH that he talk to a Lawyer about the missing attachments but he has not yet.
Plus we are having issue right now with BM not following the doctors orders with ss7. He does not sleep well at her house be haze she refuses to turn off tv and have a set bed time. So ss7 is always a train wreck when she drops him off. Really over tired. The one or 2 extra nights would make him eve worse, especially Christmas morning she lets him get up when ever he wants too, some times as early as 4 or 5 am. Then doesn't make him take a nap.
We had this exact same thing.
We had this exact same thing. Finally Christmas Day fell on DH's weekend and he would get to spend the morning with them. But no. BM machinated behind the scenes to ensure it didn't happen. DH never wanted to put the children in the middle of a row over access, and he felt their peace of mind at christmas was the most important thing, not his rights, so he folded. And did anyone appreciate his sacrifice but me? No.
I cannot see how there is any other fair way of doing it other than alternating years. I think in some circumstances there should be a negotiation, e.g. where one parent really will be alone at Christmas because they have no new partner or children. Other than that, alternating.
We have the same issue here.
We have the same issue here. This will be mine and DH's third Christmas together but the first time that we have them on Christmas morning because it fianlly has fallen on DH's week. SD's B-day is on Christmas Eve and it also happens to be our year with her. Of crouse when BM realized this she called DH and told him that she wants the kids over night on Christmas Eve. When DH told her no she said she was going to use her priority vacation this year and take the kids from him for the entire week. DH being DH didn't know what to do so I told him to use his two weeks of non priority vacation on her two weeks leading up to Christmas. He did and she freaked out because she wouldn't be able to see them for a month and gave him Christmas morning back. Will it last? I have no clue. Technically she doesn't have to give any notice and can just call, text, or email DH that she is keeping the kids next week. If that happens DH will be pissed.
Next year Christmas falls on our week again and it's DH's turn to have them on Christmas. He also has priority vacation so she won't be able to take the kids from him. I am looking forward to that freak out. DH has already gone an entire Christmas without seeing them the year before last and she didn't seem to torn up about that. Let's see how she feels when the shoe is on the other foot.
Keep Christmas. Who cares if she gets upset. The kids deserve to have memories with both parents not just BM.
I was thinking the same
I was thinking the same thing. She wouldn't have those kids if it weren't for DH. Or another man. It takes two to make a baby.
No drama yet. She txt'ed today to tell DH ss7 lost his snow pants at school and to say they found Ss5's boots.