FDH doesn't get it
I don't think that I am being unreasonable but maybe I am (you tell me).
This isn't really a new thing with me and FDH but lately it seems to be getting worse and I don't know how to explain to him how I feel about it. It doesn't appear that he understands it at all though.
The issue had always been there, well maybe not always but at least for the last 6 months. Before I met FDH I didn't want kids and I feel that if I wasn't with him I still might not want them. But he has kids there for I have kids, but they aren't MINE. Which has made me want my own, one that I don't have to share, one that I can love with out getting yelled at (by BM of course). One that I can raise MY way. I have made it known that I want a baby but I am waiting on him to be ready/willing.
But this is what FDH told me last night...
He was sitting in his chair snuggling with SS4 it was cute and totally made me want to barf, for whatever reason I was sitting on the floor nearby. He asked me "Is this why you want a baby?" With out hesitation I responded. "Yes" To which he said "You know he would snuggle with you." I said "It's not the same" and walked away.
He doesn't get it, just because he loves them it doesn't mean that I do, or that I want to snuggle with them. Truth be told I hate to be touched and SS6 does try to snuggle me and it freaks me out. I only like certain people in my inner circle. I am starting to think that he doesn't want a baby right now because in his mind we already have kids. He is totally stalling before we got engaged it was that he at least wanted me to have a ring on my finger, now it's that he doesn't want people to think we got engaged because I was pregnant, next it will be that we SHOULD be married - but we can't agree on a date at all. I am starting to think that he doesn't want to marry me of have kids with me. And I would be okay with that but - then stop trying to make me a MOM!
But to the same affect we are going out of town this weekend and I took my two cats to my mothers (the one is too old to stay alone for that long) and I am so sad with out them while FDH is on could 9 about not having them around. Those are my fur-babies! If I am supposed to love and miss his kids when they are gone every other week, shouldn't he have to at least pretend to miss mine?
And lastly I was snippy with him all week and I know I should have been, one night he was so mad at me he wouldn't talk to me because I was being snippy. But the truth was I had started my Period and had PMS like you wouldn't believe on top of being sad that I got it - since I want a baby. 
I really believe that I wouldn't want a baby so bad if he would stop pushing his kids on me. And I want to talk to him but I don't want to ruin the holiday.
- SisterNeko's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Oh and I put a card under the
Oh and I put a card under the tree that was 'from the cats', FDH finally found it last night and read it (just the front of course). He just rolled his eyes and set it aside. I worked hard on it, I even put their little paw prints on it. Which if you have ever tried to 'print' a cat, it's not easy to do.
And for Christmas he got me a Jacket for ice fishing and doing things with HIS parents. He didn't even wrap it. It's ugly and I don't like it much but I am wearing it to make him happy and it is really warm. Me... i made him a calender with pictures that I took of the boys. I spent days on it, editing the photos to look old.
we aren't married, yet.
we aren't married, yet. After we had been dating a year I started to change my mind. I few months ago I confessed to wanting one and then a month ago me asked me to marry him (we got engaged). So he knew before he asked me but now I can't even get him to help plan the wedding.
Run. I was in your situation
Run. I was in your situation and married DH and now I won't ever be a mom as long as I'm with him. If your FDH loved you like you should be loved he'd want to be a part of YOUR life and YOUR dreams - not make you fit into his already made life. It's supposed to be a life you create together. But he's got his kids so why should he bend? He won't miss out on anything. You will. And you will resent him and hate him for it and hate the kids for it too. Believe me, I'm there and have the t-shirt.
And if he really was Mr. Right, he'd buy you things that YOU like, based on YOUR life... not a fishing jacket so you can fit in more with his life and his family. And not even wrap it? After you spent all that time trying to do something personal for him?
The love is lopsidded here, big time.
I am considering giving him
I am considering giving him the ring back and telling him to ask me again when he is really ready (if he ever is). I feel that I have the right to be a mother if not with him then with some one else.
Before I met FDH I didn't
Before I met FDH I didn't want kids and I feel that if I wasn't with him I still might not want them. But he has kids there for I have kids, but they aren't MINE. Which has made me want my own, one that I don't have to share, one that I can love with out getting yelled at (by BM of course). One that I can raise MY way
I'm not trying to bash you here, but this statement makes me nervous. I don't think this is the right reason to want to bring a child into this world.
It also seems that you aren't quite sure WHAT your DH wants or doesn't want. Have you had a "come to Jesus" talk with him? It sounds like he's wishy, washy on the subject..and that is not a good place to be when considering something like this. If he was 100% on board with this, he would be jumping in with both feet, not stalling and making excuses. Also, maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds kind of like you might be badgering him about this? Most men aren't receptive to this.. in fact ALL men I have ever known have said that when someone feels they can MAKE them do something? It's all the more reason to sink their feet in and resist.
He has to be 100000% on board with this.. if not? You might as well start drawing up a CO agreement now for this child YOU want so badly.
Yeah I could have worded it
Yeah I could have worded it better maybe. I just want to be a mother, since everyone has been telling me that I am such a good mother.
Badgering... maybe. FDH likes to tease and joke but lately when he jokes about babies or baby related, I tend to answer back with a less than joking response.
I wouldn't want to raise a child by myself which is why I haven't 'forced' him into trying. I do want him to be on board 100%