I haven't posted in awhile not since my mini-melt down about SS6 and all the stuff so I thought would update you guys on the situation(s).

Starting with me, turns out I was having an issue with my birth control - the depo shot. Apparently it can cause anxiety problems in some women esp, those with pre-exisiting conditions. Among other side affects that I was having with it, so I decided not to go for my shot earlier this month and go back to 'other forms' of birth control for now , until my body regulates it's self. Since stopping the shot I am feeling a little better - slightly less crazy. But of course depo could take awhile to get out of your system so I am not out of the woods yet. but I am taking my time and assessing the situations as the come. Still having concerns about my relationship with BF but since there are kids involved I want to be sure before I do anything.

As for the situation that started my mini-melt down, which I have tried to stay out of and only give my 2 cents when asked. BF did finally talk to SS6's doctor and showed him the videos, the doctor said that it looks like what he is doing it called 'hand flapping' which is most commonly associated(key words meaning it could be something else or nothing) with Autism or Asburger's syndrome. Doc recommend taking him to the same place that they take SS3 (who has Autism) and get him tested. He added that BM didn't bring anything like this up in the appointment - which she still denies. BF told her what the doc said - and to her credit she didn't flip out. But she said that SS6 does not do it at her house and she doesn't think they should have him tested. Adding that she waited for BF to be ready before they tested SS3 and BF should wait for her. Personally I find it hard to believe that he only does it at our house, BUT I can't prove it so that is what it is for now. I personally don't see the harm in testing him unless your afraid of what they are going to find, which you could then treat. When I asked SS6 why he does it and if he does it at BM's he said that he does not do it there and when I asked why he said that he was excited more at our house. (is that a good thing?) So this weekend I kept on him about not doing it but you could see that he really wanted to. but I can't stand it when he does it and asking him not to is all I can do for now.

I also gave BF my notebook - that I had been keeping notes of BM being retarded in, and told him to write stuff down himself from now on unless it was something I saw first hand or something that she did to me personally. Which I have still been avoiding her and since I went off she hasn't txt'ed me either.

In light of all this though - since we can't test SS6 and there is nothing that I can do about that (but assume the doc was right) - I told BF that he is no longer the front runner to be the father of my children. which is a joke that we have between us. In fact I told him that i didn't want to have his kids as it stands now since BOTH of his kids are showing signs of nueralogical/behavior issues it makes me nervous about what our kids would be like, I know what issues I am bringing to the table (genetically). Of course they could have got it from BM side or a combination of both or just random chance. I may be shallow but I don't want a 'sick' kid, with my anxiety issues among other things I would be a wreck. I am usually a wreck the weeks we have his kids as it is, but I am hoping going off the shot helps with that too. BF offered to have himself tested to see if it came from him, which I think is a good idea but I am not forcing him to.