What makes a good father?
Does being a step-parent and seeing you SO with another woman's kids/problems give you concerns about how good of a father he will be to YOUR future children?
The other day we were watching Juno and I started to cry a little at the end when Jeniffer Garner character gets to told her (adopted) baby for the first time. FDH was making fun of me, he knows that I want a baby but we have agreed to wait until after the wedding (in Oct), so I asked him if I needed to get the book "what to expect when you expecting" and mark the daddy chapters for him.
He asked me if I thought that I needed to, if I thought that he was a bad father.
I paused and said that I didn't know how he was during birth and infancy, and with me it would be different any way.
Truthfully, I don't think that he is a bad father but...
He blames BM for a lot of stuff but he was there too, so why didn't he do anything then? I don't really believe him when he says that he tried/tries. I guess when I think about being a mother I know that I would fight tooth and nail for what I thought was best for my child, NO ONE would do anything that I didn't approve of (with out a court order)
More recently FDH told me all the things that he hated about being with BM and then turned around and did at least half of them to me. When I pointed it out he got mad and walked away. When I pointed out the every time he got mad, he walked away from me, he got mad and walked away from me!
The only plus side if he let BM get away with murder - shouldn't he let me too?
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I had the same concerns about
I had the same concerns about my DH who was a EOW/Disney Dad before we had our daughter. He has proved to be the most amazing hands on father with our daughter and I can admit it here that sometimes I think he does a better job with certain things than I do! My main concern was if he was going to continue to be a part time Dad when DD was born but he really stepped up to the plate. The only time we had a problem was when I wanted him to attend the birthing class at our hospital and he told me he already knew what was going to happen. After a few tears and pointing out that this was our first child and that I needed to feel better about the whole pushing a child out of my vagay and needed his support. He ended up going with me and was so thankful that he did. We even still laugh at our "coach" trying to get us to try natural birth. He has a great relationship with SD13 and I think part of that is from when he saw his relationship with DD was going to be stronger he started to be more involved in SD13 life, school, ect. My best friend's husband is an absent father in her SD16's life but he is the most amazing father with his two boys. Every family is different and I wish you the best when you do decide to start your own family.
I thought that too, but no
I thought that too, but no concerns/ problems here. DH has said that, "i get to be the kind of dad i wanted to always be with dd8 months."
The circumstances surrounding my pregnancy and her birth was different. (Bm of ss quit taking birth control. Partied, etc..)
I think because our situation (we are an intact family) compared to the one with him and ss (mil is raising ss) is different and more ideal it just makes it more "enjoyable" for lack of a better word.
I was worried too... DH had
I was worried too...
DH had SS when he was barely out of highschool, no job, no place of his own, and no car. BM was still in highschool when SS came along. They ended up letting DH's parents raise SS, until recently when he came to live with us.
DH was a shoddy parent to SS, to say te least. He wasn't there for SS and when SS came to visit he let the tv do the babysitting for him. There were no rules, no play time, no attention. Nothing. It was like DH was counting the hours before SS went home (I know I was!).
When I came along, I put rules into effect and gave them both some boundaries. It was (and still is) a struggle for both of them.
When BD came along I was terrified I would be a single mom and prepared myself for the worst. But DH really stepped up. He's an amazing father to her: attentive, nurturing, but still enforces discipline. He gets up with her in the middle of the night, he plays beauty shop with her, he also makes sure she follows the rules.
DH, for some reason, still has a hard time being a "parent" to SS7. And then... I decided to disengage a little over a week ago. DH is now stepping up to be the parent to SS7 that he needs to be. He's letting go of being a guilty dad and just being Dad.