should your SO call a lawyer?

That has been a question on our minds for some time now. We tell people all the stuff BM does and they all say to call one but FDH and I worry that we don't have enough on BM to change anything. We don't want to waste the time and money and some times I wonder if I am ready to be a full-time step mom. But she is doing so much damage to these young kids that is makes me feel selfish to think that.

Currently we have EOW custody and joint legal custody

Today FDH went with BM to the Skids (SS5 and SS7) check ups, which BM didn't even schedule until FDH asked her and pushed for because he had concerns. They should have been last month. FDH has to go because we realize not that we can't trust BM to do it herself after she screwed up SS5 check up for him Autism (which FDH called them and corrected). But has we though BM went in there and when asked if she had any concerns she said no, everything was fine at her house. We didn't have too many concerns about SS5 - but the doc was impressed with how well he did, usually he throws a fit but was and angle this time. We asked about his eating and BM said that she puts green food coloring in his food and he eats it (green is his fave color) but I tried that she it didn't work. SS7 on the other hand, we have concerns. FDH asked about his sleep issues, BM told the doc that he didn't have any issues at her house BUT just last week BM told us that she was giving him 5mg of Melatonin EVERY night to help him sleep! FDH asked her to stop because the side affects were the freaking out issues we had been having with him on our weeks - withdrawal basically. I wish FDH would have said that to her IN FRONT of the doc (we told him that she was giving it to him when we found out to see if that could be part of the problem) The doc told her that she needed to turn the TV off at night but she told FDH on the way out that some people need TV to fall asleep (they don't get TV at our house and fall asleep fine) Then the doc checked him and he was all broke out (he wasn't yesterday when we dropped him off) So he told us what to do about that.

It's so hard to get anything done when she sits there and say everything is fine. If he sleep fine at her house then why was she drugging him?

SS7 has an appointment on the 24th (just the parents) with a behavior Therapist, for the panic attacks and depression that he has had for a month now (this past week was better since BM stopping the Melatonin) but he still has issues and has become more aware of BM playing faves. BM doesn't act like she wants SS7 - I at times I just wish she would give him to me. He already clings to me (his need for motherly attention is that great).

We are kind of hoping that something comes of that meeting. I just keep having the feeling that the sKids would be better off with us.

Add that to the report from the SS5 doc (in which BM tells 3 people that SS5 is afraid of people, can't go out in public, doesn't like other kids; all of which we provided the doc with evidence to the contrary and he issued a new report that makes BM look stupid.) The schools reports on SS5 improvement and BM requests to hold him back, and numerous personal stories of her doing stupid stuff at/with the school. We have a txt message from her of her saying that she gave him melatonin. I have e-mails that she has sent me, she was nice but weird. I have other examples of her being weird to me/us.

it is getting to the point where I think the kids would be better off with one or the other. This back and forth might be too much for them since the households are so different. I just don't know if we have enough to prove that it should be us, or if FDH could handle it if the courts chose BM.

2 cents any one?