over 2 cm. That's what I had removed/was recovering from when my H cheated with MOW and their affair went from emotional to physical.

That's why I couldn't notice the change in him immediately, though I was noticing something was wrong and was trying to get to counseling and find out how we could make our marriage better. My path report and GYN Oncology appt confirmed that though I was in the last stage of precancer, and there weren't free margins in the sample, that my immune system probably took care of the rest of the remaining cells, because there aren't anymore visible in colposcopy. (sp?) I have to get checked every 6 months for - well I don't know how long before it will go back to once a year.

My H wasn't "present" throughout that, was angry a lot at SD and then myself for the first time in our marriage. I wrote a lot about it during everything on here. Then he dropped the bomb the day after BD turned 4, three days after Christmas, and the same week BM moved out of state for good.

My counselor brings this up each visit. That my H is not capable of being emotionally supportive. I say he used to be VERY capable, before someone distracted him from all of us and manipulated him to be her transitional guy so she can either leave her own dysfunctional marriage or to satisfy her needs emotionally/physically and stay in her dysfunctional marriage.

Rationally I know they are the issue - both of them. I know we had marital and blended issues, but...

When I realized I wouldn't have to have chemo or at least at present I won't have to have a radical gyn procedure (will if it returns and it's very disfiguring) I was so relieved that I felt I had a second chance at making my life the best it could be. I totally put my health concerns and personal slights with my H on the side and dove in to revitalizing our marriage.

Then...
he responded by treating me like I did something to him. I now know it's b/c he wanted me to have done something to deserve his treatment of me. It's a whole warped psychology to affairs that's universal in exit or "love" affairs. A fog. "If this is good for me, then it will be 'good' for everyone else- they'll see. They'll even all thank me for it one day" kind of mentality. Some people even think that cheating is "good" for their marriage (those who want both their H/W and OP).

The site I am on for getting past this situation has been a God send. I'm not posting the name of it here, b/c I don't know if he ever comes here or not. I'm not super worried as I don't think he really cares how I'm feeling or about me anymore at all, but just in case he's curious (or concerned) I don't post details or usually my most raw emotions here.

Thanks everyone. Once I file and the divorce is final, I will be able to write about OTHER happier and more functional/psychologically sound events in my life.