Girl friends son
Happy New Year everyone! Speaking of the new year, I had a New Year's Eve party for my kids and their cousins at my place and even invited my girlfriend and her son over. Let me start with the kids ages.
My two sons 9 and 3, cousins two boys 12 and 8, girlfriends son 3....
Now before my girlfriend and her son arrived at my place, all the boys in the house were absolutely fine playing well and getting along well, in fact I had my boys and their cousins for 5 days and 4 nights and not once was there an argument or fighting amongst each other...
However when my girlfriends son arrived that's when the issue started, he whines and gripes about anything anyone does to him. And you can't tel him anything because then he throws a tantrum. His mom claims it's because of his age, as I mentioned earlier I also have a 3 year old granted my son is 6 months older, but still, I see no excuse for his whiny behavior or evening hitting the older kids. everhine time he began to whine I would ask what happened and it was always him starting by hitting someone and someone asking him to leave the room politely or shutting the bedroom door after his awful behavior.
This went on for most of the evening and into the next morning with my kids and their cousins being done with the kid and my girlfriend being offended that they were ignoring him. I don't blame my kids and in fact her whiny little bratty kid has also made me find my girlfriend unattractive, to the point where I'm trying to figure out a way to break up with her without out being a prick about it. I see no future with my girlfriend with her son in my life. I know this sounds awful and "kids will be kids", but I'm not a fan and really want to get out before this goes any further.
Also just a bit of history on my girlfriend and I, we've been dating for about a year or so, and her kid always acts out of hand. Honestly I would probably laugh if my boys retailiafed when he strikes one of them, but we have raised them better than that. I just feel bad for them and I don't think they deserve to be around someone like him and neither do I...
Please any helpful suggestions would be great as to what to do....
- Skateboard-Dad55's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You don't have to be a prick
You don't have to be a prick to break up with her. Just tell her it isn't working.
You're not doing her or yourself any favours continuing in this relationship. She isn't going to change the way she parents and it will just upset you more and more.
So how would I go about
So how would I go about breaking it off with her? I do want to offend her or disrespect her or her child.... I've dealt with this before in the past and it always came out offensive and disrespectful and at times the two of us (exes) would just exchange low blows; I don't want to do that with my current girlfriend, she is a sweet person, but with her child in the picture I truly see no future, I just don't want to say it like that to her....
More guys should be like you
More guys should be like you and realize when something isn't working out. You both have two very different parenting styles and that's a good reason to break it off in my opinion. She's going to think you're the AHole anyway so just upfront about it and honest so maybe she will improve for someone else. She said "it's his age" but you have your own proof that says otherwise so take that as the red flag it is and hit the highway.
This. I don't think there is
This. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying your parenting styles are just too different.
Sadly, poor parenting is very widespread. So many people think if their kid is upset they are doing something wrong so strive to make their kid happy all the time and that just does not work.
And yes, 3 is old enough to learn not to hit. It is still common for 3 year olds to have the occasional tantrum but they should NOT be having them every time they don't get what they want.
SD was the same way when she was 3. She hit frequently, would not listen to anything anyone told her, threw tantrums all. the. time. If she didn't get the exact thing she wanted for dinner there was a tantrum. If she didn't get the exact plate she wanted for dinner there was a tantrum. If she got milk instead of juice there was a tantrum. If I used the big hairbrush rather than the small hairbrush there was a tantrum.
Thankfully after a few weeks of sticking her butt in the corner every time she acted like that the tantrums started leveling off. She has other problems and is on the ASD and is still pretty immature for her age and I'm not sure that will ever change but she is getting better.
One thing I really worked on her with was self help skills. I met her a few months after her 3rd birthday and by the time January rolled around, so a few months prior to her 4th birthday she was still not potty trained, could not undress or dress herself, couldn't put her coat on, couldn't put her shoes on, couldn't so much as put a pair of socks on, was still drinking out of a sippy cup, the list on and on. We spent a large portion of the time on self help skills. I flat out refused to dress her at that point. I'm not unreasonable, I'm not talking about not helping her with tights or a shirt with buttons in the back. I'm talking a tshirt and stretch pants. Now teachers talk about how independent she is compared to other kids. They mean because she can tie her own shoes and put her snowpants on. She is almost 6 years old and as a group we have fallen so much that we find it amazing when a child that is nearly 6 years old can put their own snowpants on. I find that incredibly sad.
I've always wondered about
I've always wondered about parents who's kids ALWAYS have a problem in a group. Don't they see it? I had a friend who had 3 sons, the youngest two were fine but the oldest was constantly crying to his mommy whenever there was a group event. Her and her DH were pretty nonchalant about it, I would die of embarrassment.
Since it bears on this
Since it bears on this discussion. I found this blog absolutely hilarious. I have a friend in high school post it on facebook basically to defend her 1st grader who she describes as strong willed. I'm genuinely curious how far most parents will go before they stop with the strong willed nonsense and just admit their kid is a brat. Sadly, brat is a word no longer used in parenting circles. I have been called out before for describing SD as a brat. Ummm.....if she is being a brat then she is being a brat. I'm not going to sugarcoat it by pooh poohing it and calling it something else.
http://www.scarymommy.com/please-dont-worry-about-my-strong-willed-child/
Thank you for sharing that
Thank you for sharing that post or website, I found it hilarious and also so true, parents with bratty kids believe their kids are always ahead of the curve. One thing I have brought up to my current and soon the my ex-girlfriends attention is that when she gets hit by her son she claims it hurts really bad, so my comment to her was how do you think my kids feel when they get hit by your son? You are 35 my sons are 9 and 3.... Her claim is that it's just his way of getting their attention... This is so sad and uncalled for, I noticed this from the beginning but figured with time he would mature a bit and get comfortable around my sons, I don't see that happening anytime soon and now it's to the point when she mentions her son and we are out on a date without kids I cringe or don't comment on what she has to say about him... Time to bail and move on.... Sometimes I wonder if the problem is me? I broke up with my last girlfriend and her kids were part of the reason as well among other things too... Maybe I shouldn't date for a while; either way soon to be single signing off....
Just break up with her like
Just break up with her like you would anyone else. No reason to drag out a relationship that clearly isn't going anywhere. Don't blame the kid, her parenting style, etc. as that could bring out the crazy.
Thank you for the comment; I
Thank you for the comment; I think the funniest part of my situation is that my girlfriend is a preschool teacher and she claims she sees this type of behavior all the time and they will grow out of it. I don't think a child truly can grow out of it on their own, rather they need to be taught and disciplined and responsible for their own actions. That is how they learn to behave properly. I will end up breaking up with her this week, we had plans as a couple with kids to do an overnight getaway in Santa Monica, and honestly I don't want to spend one minute with her child and ruin my weekend and getaway with my sons because her child is acting out of hand. Thank you again for taking the time to post your reponse....
Oh god I hate that phrase.
Oh god I hate that phrase. Oh it's normal, they'll grow out of it. People use that phrase to excuse all manner of horrible behavior. Excusing bad behavior is not ok. There is a difference between bad behavior and age appropriate behavior. You can't expect a 2 year old to sit quietly during a 2 hours movie. That is age appropriate. Hitting is not age appropriate. Throwing tantrums on occasion may be age appropriate but you don't ignore it. You discipline and shape and guide behavior. Not ignore it.
" I might add - that most
" I might add - that most women have zero dignity, zero sense of self worth, and zero standards for themselves or the men they hook up with.'
This is where I disagree with you BIG time. You and I must have totally different types of women in our lives. Now I will agree that way too many women fit in that category - but MOST???? Absolutely not.
My female friends and acquaintances in real life are extremely accomplished women who do not put up with crap. And I have a wide range of friends ranging from 20s to 90s. Maybe it's because I graduated from one of the top women's colleges in the US and have been national president of two very large female organizations - but I do not think this applies to MOST women at all.
But aside from my uber accomplished female friends I still have many friends from all walks of life (I grew up in dire poverty). I do not find it to exist across the board even when you look at different racial and socio-economic groups.
In MY opinion most women are strong individuals not little weaklings to be pitied and despised.
Then WTF did you mean by
Then WTF did you mean by saying "most women"? You post stuff like that all the time. Leading me to believe that you have no belief in the abilities of most women to be strong and do the right thing.
I do not disagree with your advice 90% of the time. But I HATE that you disparage women so much. Yes - some women do stupid shit - but most women do not.
If this was mean to only be
If this was mean to only be between the two of you then you should have taken it to private messages.
I still think at heart you hate women.
I think Sue is usually on
I think Sue is usually on point with her advice. In this case, she was able to provide the OP with a pretty good insight to a woman's emotional self.
True I don't think her and I
True I don't think her and I will ever be on the same page parenting, she claims her boy is nice and sweet, but honestly I don't see it. I've tried to be nothing but nice to her son, include him with my two sons when we are doing somthing, but the whining the hitting ad the constant mom King is just too much to be around. I want to tell her in person how I feel, but the next opportunity we have alone with each other isn't until 10 or so days from now, and as of right now we have a trip planned for the weekend, the only thing I'm hoping for is horrible weather to cancel the trip. However I feel that if the weather is cooperative I will have to tell her over the phone I don't feel comfortable going out of town with her and her son.... I'd hate to do this over the phone, but I can't spend the weekend with them or pretend there is nothing wrong no more....
Do NOT tell her over the
Do NOT tell her over the phone. Man up and call her and tell her you need to meet with her before the weekend. Go to her house. Her child is only 3. Surely the 2 of yoh can talk with him there
I wouldn't break up with her
I wouldn't break up with her over the phone, the only thing I would do over the phone is cancel the trip. I'm not going to cause a scene in front of her son. I'm not sure if you read my previous posts, but I can't stomach being around him nor hear about him. Either way I will do the right thing for both parties involved and end it before it gets out of hand... In my experiences you can't be forced to 'like' or 'love' someone else's child, and you can't force that situation on kids either...