6 Months of Hell
I'm 6 months in with my adult SS living in my home. He spends all his time lounging in his bathrobe playing video games every day, all day, and doesn't leave the house. He works a maximum of 20 hours per week and spends the rest of his time in my tiny, one bathroom, expensive apartment doing absolutely NOTHING but taking up my space, resources and privacy. My husband refuses to move him out... and as a result my marriage is hanging on by a thread.
Thanksgiving I spent in tears in my room as my husband's adult children came over and FaceTimed with their other adult siblings and my husband's ex-wife and her family...in my living room. I sat horrified as his adult children lifted their legs and farted, literally walked on the tops of my new couches while playing games, and made inside jokes with their biological family - all in my home with no regard for me. My husband did nothing.
I cannot stand my husband's adult children and I am disgusted by the way he allows them to dominate my space, my freedom, and my quality of life.
Other than divorce, I am forced to live in hell with his adult children running the show. His ex-wife continues to pry into our lives, making demands through her adult children on how I should allow them more privileges in my home. My adult skids are coddled, spoiled and absolutely prioritized above all else.
I am in therapy, have tried every form of communication and resolution humanly possible, and spend each waking hour trying to navigate this absolute nightmare.
The only way out is divorce as my husband refuses to put my needs, respect and requests first. I'm so lonely, depressed and overwhelmed. I don't know what else to do but pray.
I just moved to a new state. I am recovering from a debilitating spine injury. I am not yet employed here. I have no biological family in my life. And I don't know anyone in this new city. Every day is hard.
I am at the mercy of my husband and his decisions around his adult children in my home. I have nowhere to turn. I am in despair...
I'm just looking for some comfort, validation and hope...
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Lost Puppy
P.S. He refers to my adult SS as a "Lost Puppy"... barf!!!
Well you are living my nightmare
Hell no. This feels like ultimatum time honestly. This "kid" is an ADULT, in YOUR home. Please remember you do still get to have a say, even if DH would like you to believe he calls the shots. Perhaps it's time to tell DH, SS has X amount of time to get a FT job and move out, or you will be done, as this is not a situation you are able to live in. You are giving your husband the choice- your marriage, or to push his "lost puppy" out of the nest and adult with a reasonable amount of notice. Is there a logical reason SS can't work FT other than guilty parenting? I suspect not.
Your happiness and mental well-being should not be sacrificed for DH's daddy guilt and SS's laziness. Please stand your ground. I don't foresee DH doing anything to change this, so unless you can see this being your life... just be ready with a backup plan if DH says no.
I would not be able to deal with your current situation and I also have a low tolerance for bullsh*t, which is what you are swimming in a sea of. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Thank you!
Thank you so much for your support and for validating how challenging this situation has been. Your perspective and encouragement mean a lot, and it's incredibly reassuring to feel seen and understood. You’re absolutely right—this dynamic isn’t sustainable, and your advice to stand my ground and prioritize my own well-being is exactly what I needed to hear.
I truly appreciate you taking the time to break it down so clearly and for reminding me that I do have a voice in this. It’s empowering to hear that I’m not being unreasonable in expecting change and that it’s okay to set firm boundaries. Thank you for your honesty and for reminding me to prioritize myself in all of this—it helps more than you know. ❤️
What about a work from home
What about a work from home job (or 2)? That would give you $ and the flexibility to up and leave whenever you are able
Yes!
Thank you! This is a possibility. I could look more into it. The problem is that my adult SS is constantly in my space and I only have a tiny, one bathroom apartment, so I never want to be home. He's home all day lounging around in my space and it makes my skin crawl!
I am in therapy, have tried
You've answered your own questions here. I'd keep seeing a therapist and do everything in my power to get out of this mess. Your life will get better. Find a support group if you can. Come here and vent. Nothing feels better than taking care of ourselves and exiting toxic situations. Hugs.
I'm 6 months in with my adult
as soon as you insinuate adult male freeloading roommate ....I feel for you girl
If I had live in step kids I would be crystal clear with my partner that I'm not accepting overgrown overly dependent freeloading skids beyond the age of majority/hs geaduation
Yup!
Thank you! I have been crystal clear from day one and my husband refuses to budge. He has basically told me that if I don't accept it, I am welcome to leave. I am constantly vilified for complaining about my adult SS freeloading. My husband has completely turned the situation on me, even to the point of calling me a "Wicked Stepmom". I want out so bad.
You have to get a job
This is a DH problem not a SS problem. DH is allowing this nonsense to go on. He playing Disney Daddddy
SAVE your money, make an exit plan. First is to earn money to get a apartment of your own, you can not work ,let DH pay all the bills , and complain about his DS.
'Time for a exit plan. Starting with a job or two, it's so bad at home you might as well work two jobs to stay away from home , and the clown show
Exactly!
I definitely want to start working just to get out of the house and save money (if even possible with my husband in charge of all our finances). I am still recovering from my spine injury, so the process is taking awhile. I am overwhelmed with where to start. I really appreciate your feedback and support!
Im so sorry you are going through this!
It totally sucks that you are stuck in that situation with no one to support you and help you get unstuck.
Sometimes doing nothing is doing something. Dont do anything for SS. Stop anything and everything.
Hopefully you can get yourself out of this sooner than later.
Thank you!
Yes, I am trying to move forward. My husband literally made a list of things he wants me to do for my adult SS to help him. It made me want to vomit. Like, give your ADULT SON a list to help himself! I need out of this apartment and out of this marriage.