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BM not coparenting with us

Skylar96's picture

Submitted by Skylar96 on Sat, 10/19/2019 - 8:20pm

So for some background information, my husband and his BM had a really bad relationship in the past which lead to him being out of their lives and us meeting. We recently dropped our careers and lives in Florida to move to Illinois because she said she was unable to take care of the kids on her own. When we arrived, we found that she lied to us about many things and she was only struggling due to her own laziness. We stayed with her until we had the opportunity to get our own place which we were grateful for. When we got a place for ourselves, BM quickly took advantage and has the kids with us 5/6 days out of the week. She has put herself before everyone and expects us to constantly call out of work to watch the kids and we have our own bills to pay. She’s not willing to make the same sacrifices, nor is she willing to be in her own children’s lives except when it makes her look good. I don’t know what to do, I’m so anxious and depressed from this situation that I’ve lost almost 5 pounds in the last week because I can’t eat, I’m still recovering from black mold poisoning from living with BM, and the only person I know in this area is my husband and I don’t even have the opportunity to make friends. 

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 10/19/2019 - 11:00pm

First and foremost  BM does not have  to  coparent with you because she didn't have any children with YOU.

Who makes the CHOICE to live with their husband's wife?  How do you make a move like that before securing a home/apartment  of your own?  How could your husband uproot your lives without first checking  to see if the story was even true? 

 BM might be a flake, but your husband isn't much better.  

 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sun, 10/20/2019 - 7:18am

I wish I could like this 10 times, it was exactly what I was thinking. What rational person would give up their career and uproot their life based on something a crazy BM says?

Why would your husband not fly out there and see for himself what was going on, first? Why would YOU agree to this move, without the facts?

Just really weird.

 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 10/20/2019 - 5:46am

Yeah, OP - none of this is YOUR job, they are his kids.

And second, he needs to go to court and get full custody with Child Support and stop trying to convince BM to be a parent.

I too am shocked that you'd move in with BM, yikes - Airbnb? Extended stay hotel?

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Sun, 10/20/2019 - 2:39pm

Tell bm you will take the kids for a few weeks,,,then file ex'parte for full custody. Tell the court she would not come get them.

Hey it works for moms why not for dads.?

GoodLuck....

susanm's picture

Submitted by susanm on Sun, 10/20/2019 - 6:45pm

"No" is a complete sentence.  So is "Court Order."  Become familiar with both of them and use them.  That you are in this situation is insane but you are there and that is that.  Don't compound that mistake by making more.  Get legal counsel and do what they tell you to do to get a formal Court Order setting custody and support so that she can not jerk you around. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Mon, 10/21/2019 - 11:14am

We stayed with her until we had the opportunity to get our own place which we were grateful for

Please tell me this post isn't real Shok

Rule of thumb should you in this lifetime encounter a situation like this again....DON'T YOU ever uproot your entire life without concrete facts and not securing your own place and job. Living under the same roof as an ex is a HELL NO!