OR FACEBOOK AT ITS FINEST

I have a habit of holding back with BM and my SD's maternal family. I try to be nice and polite. I try to remember that these are the other people that my girls call family.

However, I've had five very rough days. Sd12 has been putting me through my paces, to say the least. SD14 is riding my ass to get something done about adoption. Hubby has hit a jealous spot, and his rearend is puckered at the thought of me going shopping with my cousin. I've been having nightmares about Hubby cheating - in these dreams, I walk in on him actually having sex with other women.

So, BM caught me all alone yesterday, stressed and more then a little angry with her. I let loose. So did she. But I finally said some things that have been building up for about 10 years!

I texted BM on Tuesday to ask about adopting the girls. It is either that or go after her for child support.

BM started the conversation. I left that part out, because who cares? This is most of the conversation, after i brought up the adoption vs child support thing.

Me
I need you to let me know what you want me to do when I go to the court house. I know that this isn't an easy decision to make, but I need to know what to do. I want to be fare to you

BM
it will never be fair to me but then again nothing in life is fair if you file the ADOPTION papers know this I will die then what will the girls think of you

Me
they will think that I did the best that I could do for therm, and that you, once again, cared more about what you wanted then what was best for them,. if you really want to know the truth.

BM
(bunch of unneeded name calling and bringing up thinks that had nothing to do with the conversation...) they are my daughters not yours I gave them life not you

Me
You gave them life,.. I give them A life.. A home.. I support them, love them, put their needs ahead of my own,.. I am a mother.. you are a birth mother, incubator, egg donor.. whatever you want to call it.. I am the one who holds them when they cry. I am the one who feeds them. I am the one who SACRIFICES FOR THEM. I love them enough to live for them. You love them enough to die.. to give up.. to leave them to the world alone, without your protection.. without your love.. without your guidance..

BM
YES I HAVE FUCKED UP ALOT BUT I AM TRYING TO DO RIGHT NO NOT BY THEIR CHOICE BY YOURS AND THEIR FATHERS
NOONE ESPECIALLY YOU WANTS ME TO DO GOOD

Me
As for killing yourself,. what message would you be sending them,?
"I'm, sorry girls. I never loved you enough to give a clean pee test for you... only SM and DH were willing to do that. I never loved you enough to be there for you, or fight for you.. Once again, that is SM and DH. But I love you enough that I will die for you.. so that you can quit wondering why I don't fight for you. I will die for you so that you can move on with your life, and I will quit hurting you by the things I do or don't do. But SM and DH will keep being there for you. She will teach you how to use a tampon, and about God. She will talk to you about having sex before marriage, and why you don't have a child with a man you don't know would be a good father while you were there or gone"

Fuck you, BM. I want the best thing for my kids. I used to think that was you getting better and being a part of their lives.. but you refuse to do that.. So, I will protect my children from you, until you can show me a clean drug test

BM
FROM GET GO YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED MY GIRLS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OF YOUR OWN I AM TRYING TO FIND A JOB I AM GOING TO REHAB I HAVE STOPPED DOING ALL DRUGS I AM LITERALLY DYING INSIDE BUT I AM NOT ALLOWED TO SHOW HOW I FEEL BECAUSE I AM HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS BE A NO GOOD PIECE OF SHIT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH I KNOW I HAVE PUT MY DAUGHTERS THROUGH HELL AND I CAN'T CHANGE THAT ALL I CAN DO IS APOLOGIZE AND CHANGE AND I DIDN'T GET LIKE THIS OVER NIGHT

I DIE A LITTLE MORE EVERYDAY BECAUSE I AM NOT THERE FOR THEM NOONE KNOWS BECAUSE NOONE CARES WELL MAYBE I SHOULD GO AND FILE CONTEMPT CHARGES ON YOU AND DH DIVORCE DECREE SAYS THAT THEY ARE TO CALL NOONE BUT ME MOM

Me
BM?? I've always wanted to be the mother of DH's kids since they day I met them, because the moment I saw SD14's knees. I knew that you were a piss poor excuse for a mother. HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN? WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER FILE CHARGES ON HIM? HOW COULD YOU SIT IN THAT ROOM, AND REFUSE HER MEDICAL HELP, UNTIL PEOPLE THREATONED OT CALL CHILDRENS SERVICES?
As for you being a no good piece of shit? I agree. Anyone who has children and doesn't support them in any way is a no good piece of shit. I'm glad you said it for me, instead of making me say it to you.
I don't care what you'[ve been through. I care what you have put the kids through. It stops now.
Do you think your apologies fix SD14's knees? Do you think that they heal SD12's heart?
PLEASE GO FILE CONTEMPT CHARGES. DO IT TODAY. DO IT !!!!!NOW!!!!!! DON'T LET ANOTHER SECOND PASS!

BM
I AM HOMELESS LIVING ON THE STREET NOT THAT ANYONE GIVES A FUCK YOU TRULY BELIEVE THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE FOR THEM BUT THAT'S SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH I WISH I COULD CHANGE WHAT HAS BEEN DONE BUT I CAN'T AND I AM TRYING TO CHANGE THE FUTURE AND THE CHANGE STARTS WITH ME WHICH I AM TRYING BELIEVE IT OR NOT BUT AT ONE POINT I HAD A WONDEFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTERS AND I HATE MYSELF FOR GIVING THAT UP BECAUSE THEY DESERVE ME CLEAN SOBER GAINFULLY EMPLOYED SUPPORTING THEM IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE BEING THERE JUST TO HUG AND EVERYTHING ELSE I HAVE STARTED THE CHANGE AND I HOPE AND PRAY THAT IT IS NOT TOO LATE FOR THEM TO SEE THE TRUTH I WANT WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM AND I ALWAYS HAVE

Me
Huh.. That's funny.. because after it happened, you continued to live with him. And continued to lie about how/.when it happened. Remember? You lied to Me and DH and SD14 had to tell us the truth.
Don't sell me that fuckery. I'm not buying.
I truly believe that you want to hve them in your posession so that you can get food stamps and child support.. instead of paying child support.. but at least, if we file for back dhild support the jails will give you 3 hots and a cot.
And the change DOES start with you. Changes in my life start with the girls - as in figuring out what's best for them.. as in trying everything I can do for them. The three of them (Larry and the girls) are the center of my world,..
At one point you had a wonderful relationship with them. now, I do. Funny how life works out.
SD12 is still dealing with the PAS abuse that you used in your wonderful relationship with them, by the way.
I hope and pray that someday, you wil stop making selfish decisions, and put them first.. when you start to do that, they will see the change.. but NONE OF US is holding our breath for that day.
You want what's best for them, unless it doesn't bennifit you,.. taking thousands of dollars of child support that DH was paying for them? that you knew you weren't entitled to? Spending it on drugs, unless their grandmother bitched at you to buy them a bathing suit or tshirt? Did you think that was the best thing for them then?

BM
FYI HE OWED BACK CHILD SUPPORT AND IOT WAS SPENT ON THEM NOT DRUGS THEIR GRANDMOTHER IS A LIAR I NEVER ONCE BITCHED ABOUT SPENDING THE MONEY ON THEM IN FACT I WOULD GIVE THEM MONEY TO SPEND ON WHATEVER THEY WANTED I PUT FOOD IN THEIR GRANDMOTHERS HOUSE WHICH SHE PUT INTO HER HUSBANDS MOUTH I PAID FOR ALOT OF THE THINGS THAT THEY RECEIVED

Me
No, honey.. he didn't owe back child support at that point.. because as soon as we found out that it was going to you, and not Grandmother, they stopped it.. because he was up to date, and paying current child support, which he shouldn't of been paying to you
And how did you put food in the house, with no job? Food stamps? Or child support that you were STEALING FROM YOUR CHILDREN AND THEIR FATHER?
Besides that, you should of been doing something for their grandmother, and her husband, if that's what she wanted you to do.. and you should of been greatful for the oppertunity, because she was busy getting and keeping your kids out of the system that you had put them into
Don't tell me about their grandmother anymore.. Because the truth is, she has done things that made me angry, but she gave my children a second chance. She protected them from child abusers, and weirdos in the system. You may not think she was a great mom, but as a grandmother she has gone above and beyond, and that's all that matters to me. She took the girls, and their sister in. She rocks.

BN
i can't tell you what to think all i can do is to change who i am and what i do yeah she gave them a better life until her grandson came back into her life then the girls were of little importance to her call (BM's aunt) at xxx-xxx-xxxx ask her some questions about how Grandmother treated the girls it doesnt matter nor will it ever matter how im treated I DESERVE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO ME BECAUSE I AM NOTHING

Me
Will Aunt tell me how grandmother sat tghere and watched her boyfriend give SD14 3rd degree burns on her knees? Or that Grandmother kept both girls from living with their father, when she lost custody to drugs? Maybe she will tell me how Grandmother PAS'ed them and told Sd12 that I am a whore who stole their dad away, instead of the truth - that you left him for another man you met on a chat line? If not, then I don't need to talk to her.