I am exhausted
SD13 had one of her fits last night. This is the worst one she's had in the new apartment. She was yelling at the top of her lungs in the parking lot, calling me a fucking whore, a bitch, a God damned slut and a cunt. The neighbors called the apartment manager, who called me. Let's see how long we last at this apartment. 
(she keeps screaming that she wants us to get evicted)
The apartments have bed bugs. Terminex is coming out today. I've worked my butt off for the last three days, and did forty one loads of laundry. I came in from the laundry mat last night at one, but had to get up today to do more.
So, I wasn't happy to see that SD15 hadn't finished the dishes. (She has two chores, dishes and trash.. And that's only because when I kept asking her to clean up after herself and her guests, she ignored me.) So, when she got up for school at 530, I asked her to finish them. She said Okay, and just never did them.
Their niece is having a birthday party this weekend, and we were supposed to go. I am thinking that neither girl deserves it, and at this point, it's just too much work. I'm fucking tired! (SD13's fit has lasted a week now. She starts in at 530 every morning and yells until the bus gets here at 620. She gets off the bus around 3 and it's usually more of the same until bedtime.)
I cried for hours last night. Just say down and sobbed, thinking that I don't want to live like this any more. That was before Hubby picked me up to do more laundry, and proceeded to tell me what abitch, whore and slut I am. (Wonder where SD13 gets it?)
I just want to give up, but I worry about what will happen to the SDs if I do. Someone has to stand up and do something for them, take care of them, and most days, knowing that I am that someone gives purpose to my life. It's really not often that I get this low, and I think a lot of it is just being so very tired. But oh my, I'm hurting today.
Guys, I feel like I have nothing. I feel like the only good thing about me is that I am these girls' mom/champion/fighter/rescuer.
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MizFoxie, I'm not an adopted
MizFoxie, I'm not an adopted mom, but my husband and I share custody of the SDs. My name is on all the paperwork. However, they are in my sole physical custody, and have been since August sometime. Hubby has had ONE overnight with them, and rarely takes them anywhere without me.
SD13 has been acting out for a long time. She began being abused at a young age, and she's always been very angr .
OMG. this changes a
OMG. this changes a lot.
next time dial 911 when she starts w/ one of her fits and just lay the phone down. they will get it all recorded. she needs to be admitted somewhere, and requires WAY more help than you are capable of giving.
and your DH is an asshole who needs to get kicked to the curb.
Didn't you take her to a
Didn't you take her to a juvenile home? How did that turn out?
We took her to see a juvenile
We took her to see a juvenile probation officer. While there, she told him that she's acting out because her dad was abusive to her. He referred us to a family mediator. We see her on Tuesday
I'm not even sure HOW to
I'm not even sure HOW to throw in the towel at this point. I did all this work to have legal rights and responsibilities, and now I have them. Hubby still doesn't have a place to stay other than my mom's. Legally, I can't just drop her/them off somewhere.
yes doll but they're not
yes doll but they're not yours to rescue. you are being verbally and emotionally abused, and utterly disrespected and being taken advantage of.
why oh why do you continue taking it up the ass for three people who clearly dont give a shit about you? you are SO much better than this.
skip everything I said. Find
skip everything I said. Find a way to get her out of there and get her some real help. Or get out and save yourself.
"I just want to give up, but
"I just want to give up, but I worry about what will happen to the SDs if I do."
by staying you are teaching your SD's it's alright to treat people the way your DH & they treat you. This is a lesson that will have them failing for the rest of their lives.
Find a different purpose, get
Find a different purpose, get away from all of the abuse from your husband and his ungreatful brats. Get a puppy, kitten, house plants, those can be your purpose. But get out, quickly. God bless you hunny.
I'm sorry you're going
I'm sorry you're going through this. Somehow you've slipped from helping to co-dependency. And it can be a very slippery slope.
You need to remember that you are a very important person, and to respect and take care of your own needs FIRST. Right now, you are too close to the drama of the situation to have any good perspective. You are lacking in confidence. But that's all temporary.
You need to get enough sleep, enough relaxation (not the same as sleep!), and eat regularly and nutritiously. I recall you have several medical issues, so taking your medication is another thing.
I know you love the girls and feel for them. But SD13's fit is way beyond what any one person can handle, no matter how much you love and want to protect her. So the first step in helping your family is to get that help. I know you have an appointment with a mediator coming up, but you also need help managing her behaviour in the moment. So I think your second step, after making sure your basic needs are met, is to get advice on what help is out there - both in an emergency and to support you and the girls.
Good luck with it all. I know you will also consider walking away, but I suspect you would feel like you'd failed on a very deep level (even though that isn't true) and so maybe a third step will be to find out why you find it so hard to consider walking away an option.
I agree with the others that
I agree with the others that say that SD13 needs professional help, the kind of help in a clinic/hospital environment. She needs to get out of your home before she hurts someone or herself....or gets you kicked out of your apartment.
This does not mean that you failed SD. It does not mean you are giving up on her. It means that you love and care for her enough to get her the help she desperately needs.
This is not meant to be snarky or hurtful....do you think that you are reluctant to make such a move because of your feelings? That you will feel guilty for "giving up"? It will hurt to see her go and of course you will miss her (probably won't miss her calling you a B and a C though) but it's kind of the last resort, isn't it? What else is there to do? The bad behavior is ramping up, it sounds like it will get worse if nothing is done.
Maybe at your appointment on Tuesday you can see what kind of options are available?
And your DH is an asshole. To you and to your SDs.