My so called life...
I have an amazing 9yr old son and 7 yr old daughter from my first marriage. I left my miserable marriage and still fighting with ex over custody. My fiancé and I have a 10month old son together and SD8 & SS5. I love my 3 children more than life itself and would do anything for them! My SD & SS aren't horrible kids but do behave badly. I know they are going through a lot with their parents divorce and shifting from 2 households. And it doesn't help that their BM is a complete Basketcase, stalker and desperate for any man. Not to mention that she's still obsessed with BD and does anything for attention from him and always "needs to talk" which is always about her! That's not even my issue lol. My issues are the lack of respect from my Skids, poor behavior, horrid manners, lack of regard for anyone besides themselves, flat out never listening, talking back, SS5 is obnoxiously excessive with kissing and touching, due to his BM's unhealthy display of affection. And that's just off the top of my head. I was raised strict, and am strict with my children. My kids have boundaries, manners, respect, and listen. They aren't perfect, but they are well behaved.. Unlike my skids. I don't hate my skids, but I can't say I love them. I know for a fact I don't love, like or condone their poor and disrespectful behavior!! My SD8 gets in trouble and talks so much crap to me, her father, and any adult around. She says nasty and hurtful things. And I know that's just her lashing out, but it's frustrating how disrespectful she is. The BM gives Into both skids and gives them whatever they want just to shut them up. That doesn't fly with my fiancé and I. And they have very different rules here then at BM's boyfriend's moms house lol. Yeah the BM is completely unstable and after countless guys, she got knocked up by this new guy after 4 months of knowing him. I know a lot of the skids poor behavior is due to psychotic BM! And our baby gets the shaft half the time from dad bc he feels he needs to cater to the skids and devote All the time they are here to them. Don't get me wrong, he needs to spend time with his kids.. But he needs to balance All of his kids not just the first 2. It's to the point where I hide with our son in the bedroom when the skids are here! My first 2 are with their BFather when skids are here. But after the summer the skids will be here when my kids are here. My kids all have a good relationship and especially with the baby. But I feel bad that I don't really want the skids around the baby as much. And I don't really want my kids subjected to the skids behavior. We get the skids every other weekend and every Thursday after school until 7pm. I dread the weekends we have them and Thursdays!!! They expect us to kick out money everyday we have them on eating out, going here and there. We have 5 kids total and aren't floating on a pile of money. The BM has been pawning them off on us a lot more to spend time with her ex-felon of a soon to be baby daddy!
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your problem isn't your skids
your problem isn't your skids or their mom, it's your fdh. I would tell him he'd better get his priorities straight and his kids under control immediately because you will not allow them to be such a bad influence on your kids and you will not be a prisoner in your own home. and, if that means taking your kids and leaving because he wants to be such a marshmallow to his kids, that's exactly what i'd do. you have a very long road ahead of you, it exhausts me just thinking about it. you will have to teach your fdh how to be a parent, how to protect you and the rest of the kids, how to prioritize his relationships, and on and on. when I see a situation like this, I know the parent does not know how to parent, and someone who knows what they are doing is going to have to take the lead. start with boundaries. his kids (and all the the kids in the house) should have a list of rules and consequences for breaking those rules. I don't care if they're there for one day a month. certain things will not be tolerated in your home without consequences. if skids decide they don't like those consequences and don't want to come over anymore, oh well. but your fdh needs to get his butt into gear. he's raising future adults, not permanent children.
My FDH is a good dad, tries
My FDH is a good dad, tries to keep his patience with my skids. Some days are good, and others I just want to crawl into a hole and hide! My SD8 can be sweet, but also can be ridiculously out of control! I enforce time out, which is hell for her! But it does work after she screams and yells for 15-30 min before her time out starts. There are just times where I don't want to deal with them and hide in my room. I know I have somewhat put my FDH in a position where he has to choose to spend time with the skids or our son. Bc I don't like how the skids are with our 10 month old boy. They are always sick, and our poor baby has been non stop sick his life so far bc if the skids. The BM doesn't take care of them. The skids needed tubes, removal of tonsils and adenoids for 2 yrs. the BM got the lap band surgery instead of the skids surgeries bc she is a selfish wench. The skids finally got their surgeries and haven't been as sick. But our baby just got over a cold and double ear infections and SS5 has had a nasty cough for 2 weeks. I personall spoke to the wench BM about the cough and she said she knows about it and the doctor just said it was allergies. A lie, but of course I expect them from the BM. Now our baby has the nasty cough, so he's now sick again!! I know that kids want to be affectionate and show love, but the skids are excessively kissing the baby and ALWAYS in his face! So there are times when I keep the baby away from the skids, and I know that puts my FDH in a tough spot. But the skids don't listen for anything!! They have No boundaries what so ever! And my FDH does discipline the skids, but it doesn't stick with them. Bc their BM doesn't have any rules what so ever and let's them run a muck! And I know that My FDH doesn't want to spend the entire time the skids are here yelling at them and punishing them. But something has to give! I can't live like this! We are going to be buying a house soon and I know that will change bc my MIL won't be living with us anymore, so it will feel more like Our home. Which means more of my rules! I love my FDH to death, I just don't always like the skids behavior. And I know it will take many years to correct the BM's poor parenting! When we are out with the skids.. I find myself making a comment around strangers to make sure they know they aren't my kids. Lol that's horrible I know but their poor behavior, horrid manners make me feel inclined to do so! My FDH works over night, so he sleeps during the day. This past weekend, he had to work OT every night this weekend, so I was the one who had to take care of the skids. Full time. I know that I signed up for it when I knew he had kids, but I didn't know their behavior was so horrid! And it has only gotten worse since the divorce and shifting from house to house. And with all the Crap going on with the BM it gets worse. I have to constantly be on top of the skids. I hate sitting down at our table with them. The non stop smacking, talking with an obnoxious amount of good in their mouths. And No matter how much I drill manners into their heads.. They do what they please! ..::Sigh::.. I'm just overwhelmed!