I feel I’m an awful human being...
I hate them, I hate them with a passion.. I really can't believe that I'm actually on a forum speaking this way about other human beings but here I am... my step kids are awful awful kids. A year ago I married my husband and I know that he was the best human being to spend my life with but he comes with an absorbent amount of baggage. The original plan/set up was they were really only going to be here a limited amount of time. The ex wife/mother doesn't want them really if she doesn't need to have them and that includes holidays.. I struggle with trying to be an understanding wife but with my work schedule and his work schedule we have a limited time to be a newly married couple without his baggage..
it really never ends, it's calls for constant drives/pick ups when the mother doesn't feel like it's her responsibility (even if it's her day or her weekend) Constantly asking for money and putting my husband in a bad situation. All while their mother cheated on my husband and left him for someone else and he won't even have enough balls to tell his kids that yet.. not to mention the kids are disrespectful, elitist, and very very entitled. which makes it very difficult to try to connect with them.
to be honest I don't know how people do it I don't know how I can go on years with this type of situation it's daunting.. A lot of people have told me "you knew what you were getting into " (Referring to someone that had been married with children prior) btw- I have never been married with no children, I have had a career for many many years and very financially stable prior to marrying..
I disengage all the time, and my husband doesn't ask me to do things for the kids often but it still upsets me with the bad behavior between his two stepsons and the ex-wife..
I feel like throwing in the towel this can't be happiness for stepparents to have to deal with the drama and nonsense of a blended family.
Can someone give me some encouraging words because I feel like I can't be the only one..
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Your story sounds very
Your story sounds very familiar - it is one we hear all the time on Steptalk. And you are not an awful human being. It sounds to me like the problem here isn't so much the stepkids but the failure of your husband to install and enforce appropriate boundaries, and perhaps a failure of communication between you and your husband as to what is acceptable to you and what you cannot live with. I could not live with my husband constantly running off to give rides to the skids on BM's days. I could not live with my husband being financially irresponsible and giving BM and skids money he is not obligated to give them and cannot comfortably afford to give them. I could not live with my husband allowing his kids to be disrespectful to me. I could not respect a man who allowed his kids to act like elitist, entitled brats.
As for BM cheating, I don't think your husband needs to say a word of that to the kids. BM here cheated on my DH. He has never told his kids that, nor does he have any intention of doing so. Kids do not necessarily need to know why their parents divorced, especially when they are still kids. The only way I can ever imagine DH telling his kids that their mother cheated on him (she was a serial cheater) is if BM feeds them some revisionist reason for the divorce that paints DH in a particularly bad light. I highly doubt BM would do that, because she loves her kids and knows they are half their father, so to date she has not said anything bad about DH to the kids, nor has he said anything bad about her.
That "you knew what you were getting into" crap that people spew is just ignorant BS. Ignore it. I would recommend that you let your husband know what your limits are, and ask him to enforce some boundaries. If he cannot do that, I can't imagine your relationship will survive. You might also want to look into counseling, preferably with someone well versed in steplife.
Thank you for your support...
Thank you for your support... sometimes just hearing that I'm not alone is very helpful...
I have no real advice but I
I have no real advice but I will say that I can relate. It’s a horrible way to live. I’m going on year 4.....if you can get it out then do it. It doesn’t get better in situations like you are describing.
I dislike my step kids more with each passing day and I’m full of resentment for DHs past behavior of catering to BM even though he doesn’t do it near as much......
we went and had a child together but at least 3 times every single day.....I almost...literally at the tip of my tongue....want to say to my dh that I’m done and can’t do it anymore.
situations like this suck the life right out of you and there is nothing you can do to fix it other than get out.
I dislike my ss
Feel the same way. Love my husband to the moon and back, don't want to be on thie earth without him but absolutely hate everything about his kid. He throws tantrums, talks back, is destructive and mean to me. He's a slob and not socialized at all. He has no friends and only wants to play video games or watch TV. I hate everything about this kid but I'm not his parent and I didn't put him on this earth so I'm really trying to let my SO deal with him. That's the only advice I can offer at the moment because I know it's just going to get worse.
I feel your pain!
Your story sounds so similar to how things were (kind of still are) in my marriage. Same thing with the ex-wife/mother constantly playing games and causing disruptions in OUR life- we never knew when our plans would be ruined because of drama or issues with her. AND- I know what you mean about feeling like your a terrible person because you hate them. But I get it- I hate my SD too. I'm not sure how old these skids are... my SD was 11 when I first met my husband. Now she is 17 and going to college in the Fall. Looking back now I'm glad I hung in there as I'm about to have all the time in the world just my husband and I. Hopefully you can hang in there until then!!! You're definitely not alone in how you feel!!!