So DH & I had it out tonight
This weekend was OSS's BD. He's early 30's. It was inconvenient for us to go to the lake (1/2 hr. from where OSS lives) but we went to take him to dinner to celebrate his bday. Obviously, DH paid for dinner for all 7 of us--OSS, SDIL, 2 SGDs, DS 17, DH, & me. It went fine. As usual, all discussion was around OSS's life, no questions about ours. Today, OSS's DW made a post on social media for OSS's bday, with over a dozen photos, about 1/3 which included BM, NONE of which included DH (never mind me or our DSs.) This is on the heels of Easter, where I worked my tail off at our lakehouse for 2 days to host OSS and family, who did nothing but sit on their phones, first waiting for dinner to be served, and then for DH to finish cleaning up afterward (they finally left before he was finished.) I told DH tonight I'm DONE waiting on them and catering to them. We are considering selling our lakehouse. As usual, he kept saying he's sorry he can't change it. I told him I understand he can't/won't EVER say anything to OSS, but I CAN CHANGE IT from my perspective. I'm in my mid 50's, met DH and SSs when I was in my late 20's, and have been serving them ever since, all the while working 50-60+ hours a week in a high pressure position as a litigation attorney. I don't know where this leave us. As always, DH says he can't control it and seems butt hurt. I've decided I'm too d@mn old to be someone's doormat. I just know I'm done trying to do for them and get them to like me.
- SMto2's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I say keep the lakehouse and
I say keep the lakehouse and lose the ingrates. Enjoy it without them.
Keep the lake house, ditch them
I wouldn't lift a finger for them. If DH would (mistakenly after you've expressed how you feel) invite them, I wouldnt cook, clean or do ANYTHING if your DH wants to take them to dinner, if you choose to go, do it realizing that nobody in your family will get any recognition. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't ever look at their social media in other words, totally disengage.
So put your lawyer foot up
So put your lawyer foot up idiot DH's ass, purge his failed family spawn and that shallow and polluted branch of the gene pool from your life, marriage, etc... and do not tolerate DH's butt hurt spinless lack of testicular fortitude in managing his failed family baggage. He owes you, your children, your family together, your marriage, and even himself nothing less than that.
We each owe ourselves to live our best life. Tolerate nothing that interferes in that. Relish in the fact that living well is also the best revenge. Give DH clarity, he gets on board or he and his failed family spawn are gone. His pouty "butt hurt" bullshit has no place in you living your best life or in your own children having an example of a father of quality who is a confident man of character.
Keep the lake house. Make sure DH knows that his failed family progeny has no place there. Make sure DH knows that any further holiday family events that include OSS and his bride and brood will not be facilitated, catered, served, or cleaned up by you. He can be the king polished turd of shitland while you are the Queen of standards of behavior and standards of performance that he and his failed family baggage have to comply with.
All IMHO of course.
Take care of you.
I'm sorry.. his son seems
I'm sorry.. his son seems like a total boor. I actually kind of get the social media thing. My SD's have to tread on thin ice with their mom.. yes they are grown adults in their late 20's and 30's.. but mamma is extremely insecure and any posts about their dad, let alone "me" will net the girls some grief from their mother.. who has given inklings to them before of ending her life.. so in some ways.. I think the girls feel some ownership of their mom's feelings.. and only rarely post their father on public social media.. and I am almost always not included. but, I get the bind they are in with their mother.. they love her.. but also realize their mother is not entirely mentally well.
But, the balance is that when we do things for them.. they express appreciation. I get calls directly from my YSD several times a week to talk.. for advice etc.. They ask how my dad (in hospice) is doing.. they are pleasant and engaged with both of us "in person"
It sound like his son isn't savvy enough to even realize that when you don't show appreciation... people lose the interest in "trying" any more.
My advice? Do what you want to do.. in spite of his son. You love the lake house.. and want to continue to enjoy it. Do that.. but no more family invites to people who are ungrateful. But, if denying access will bring too much drama to you.. sell it and buy another place.. maybe in another area you and your DH would enjoy.. but further from the grifting relatives.
It is awsome that you are a refuge for YSD and that she calls.
That speaks incredibly highly of you and of her.
It is sad that your SDs have the burden of a manipulative mother who will play the "unalive herself" threat card.
Keep being your amazing self E.vil S.tep M.om O.f D.oom!
Don't sell a place that you
Don't sell a place that you clearly love, just stop inviting the ingrates. If they have a key to the place, get the locks changed and go for the digital type that opens with a code that you can change at will to ensure that your husband doesn't get any daft ideas about giving his son a key behind your back.
don’t Sell
The lake house just don't invite OSS and his family. Maybe he will get it Most likely not
If DH wants to continue
To skiddult chase, let him. No more invitations to the fully catered by you lakehouse. Next time, DH can take the adult ferals out to dinner while you trot off to the lakehouse to enjoy it... without DH's ungrateful crotch droppings.
Set Boundaries
I'm with JRI...STOP doing for ingrates! And if you guys enjoy the lake house, keep it! Just advise your DH if he plans to invite them there, then HE will be taking care of his lazy kids. You stay home.
These are my suggestions:
Remove yourself from social media pages. If that would cause more of a rift than you want to deal with, then unfollow ALL of them and do NOT visit their pages. No communication via SM pages either.
Let your DH entertain his son/DIL and grands. Going to a restaurant? Don't attend...just have a good excuse. At your house??? Make plans to be out of the house and let your DH take care of everything.
Stay out of the personal business of SS and family. Any comments made by your DH, just a "mmmhhmmmm" or a "that's nice" or an "I'm sorry." Short, sweet and no depth.
When you are around them, civil and superficial is my motto. Be kind and respectful but nothing more. Again, let your DH entertain his son.
You are the only one who can stop this because your DH won't ....best to you.
I've decided I'm too d@mn old
Good! This has been going on for a while, hasn't it? Put a stop to it. You're a litigation attorney. You've got it in you to change this situation and stop being walked on! We've got your back.