Updates on the steplife for me
It's about to get a little more complicated. So I found out that I am pregnant the ending of May. I am now approximately 12 weeks along. SO and I are looking at houses to move out of where we currently live. After the law guardians became involved during SO's last arrest (the last time I blogged), they realized after speaking to the kids that BM has some serious issues. She is now under supervised visitation and is only able to see the boys once weekly for 45 minutes. The law guardian is recommending that she be evaluated by a psychiatrist.
As it can be sometimes in our situations, so much has happened to lead up to that point, that I won't be able to elaborate in one little blog. So I'll just get straight to my issue now.
The 14 year old. Ahhh, where to begin? Ever since he found out I'm pregnant, I could see the change in him. I don't know if I gave much background into this child but he can be very manipulative and is a lot of the reason why SO's last relationship deteriorated (or should I say that SO was unable to see his son for who he was during that last relationship). He acted supportive and happy. Said that he's going to the love the baby. Rubbed my belly and actually put his head on my belly while I was laying down in bed. Hated that he did it, but felt like it would be very bitchy of me to just be like "Ewww, get off me!". See, the boy is already taller than both me and his father, so it is a very different feel than the smaller 9 year old. About 2 weeks after we told the oldest, we told the middle child. He wears his feelings on his sleeve a little more, so very honest dialogue.
"So that means Daddy's gonna have kids with 3 different women?!!!"
"What if your baby comes out retarded?"
"I don't want you to have a baby, that means I'm not the baby of the house anymore!"
I have tried my best to make them both feel like this child is not going to replace either of them. SS9 seems like he's a lot more over it now. However, about a week after I told him, I took them both to McDonalds on a school night. As SS9 eating is dessert, he goes:
"SS14 is very angry you're pregnant." I look at SS14, who quickly looks at SS9 and I can almost see him trying to think quickly about what he should say.
I asked why he was upset and SS9 says "I know he was mad cause he began to punch and kick the wall". SS14 then says "You were more angry than I was!".
For me, the point was not whether or not they were upset, it's the fact that SS14 has to tell me how much he looooooves my baby and how haaaaaappppy he is, but then you're punching and kicking walls 2 weeks after the fact that we told you? WTF?
He's also super competitive with me, and I hate it even though a part of me understands that he's just insecure with his father. I know that having a POS mother is a lot to deal with (he hasn't spoken to her by choice since March and only just started seeing her last week again for supervised visitation). I know that having to share your father with a woman and now new baby is even more difficult. But it happens! I just want to figure out what I can do to stop getting pissed over it. It's difficult for me.
For example, as soon as SO wakes up and SS14 hears him open the room door, he has to be there to hug and greet his father. He continually comes into my room uninvited. And will lay on my bed. Next to me or SO, he doesn't care. Please remember, he is taller than us both, so it does not feel like a little boy coming into my bed, which I am still not okay with.
Granted, I keep our room door open, but it's because I feel guilty about keeping it closed. Kinda like I'm alienating them, you know? But while I leave the room door open, that doesn't mean you can just randomly come in whenever you want. So I spoke to SO about this and he did speak to SS14. So now SS14 won't come into the room, but if I'm watching television, he'll just slooooowwwly walk by.....then stop at the entrance and suddenly become extremely interested in whatever I/or we are watching. Mind you, there's a television in the living room and one in their room.
If SO rubs my belly, or hugs me, or just basically anything to do with my child, he will suddenly develop either:
a. asthma
b. a coughing fit
c. (and this one is 99% of the time) a rash...which will actually be like a small little red spot somewhere on his skin.
He has also voiced concern about how my child will be taken care of by saying "That means we are going to get less things for Christmas" and "How is Daddy going to be able to get stuff for all of us?"
I call bullshit. You don't care about both your little brothers. You care about what YOU are not going to get. People, I bought this kid a pair of UGGS for Xmas as per his request. I don't think he has realized how much better SO is doing since I have been with him and probably thinks SO helped buy those boots. He even had the nerve to ask for Balenciaga sneakers for his graduation. I'm pretty much the softie, plus I am better off financially than SO but when I looked up the price of the sneakers I was like "Oh hell no!" No, no and no.
Again, he only cares about what he perceives he won't be getting financially. As for the getting less part, BM doesn't have friends or close family members, so I'm sure that the fact that my child will get presents from more people than they are, it's going to seem as if the child is favored. But that's not my fault that I'm close to my siblings. I shouldn't have to feel like I can't even go shopping for my kid because skids *might* feel a certain way about it. Oy, the whole new can of worms this pregnancy has opened.
I"m just looking for a way not to be super pissy when he's around. Just today, SO and I left in the morning to run some errands. We dropped SS9 off in summer school and left SS14 sleeping at home. We were supposed to go to the gym but didn't get around to it. When we got home, it was time to pick SS9 up from school, I did some food shopping, and we came home. SS14 looked like he had an attitude.
SO decides that before taking skids for supervised visitation, he would go to the gym. He asks skids if they want to play in the park at the gym while he works out. Skids go. Skids come home afterwards to get some stuff before visitation and SS14 comes directly to my room and asks "did you guys go to the gym today?" I knew that he was just asking because he has not become obsessed with looking like SO, who used to compete in bodybuilding and he works out religiously and tries to go with SO to gym. However, SO and I had a routine and when I'm off, we go to the gym together. When I'm working, he does whatever he wants, whether it's go alone or with SS14.
I knew SS14 just wanted to know if we "did something without him" if that makes any sense. I lied and said yes and immediately called SO when he went back down. SO says "I don't know why he would ask you that, he already asked me and I told him no".
WTF???? Why is he acting like SO's gf? I hate the thought of him sometimes because of shit like this. Like I get it, I know he's had a tough time. But so have most people and guess what, I don't remember acting like that at all. How do I stop him from acting like that without hating me? I don't want him in my room....AT ALL....unless for whatever strange reason, we invite him. I respect his privacy and his room, so I expect the same.
By the way, he took to asking me WHEN I WAS GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER. At first, I thought that maybe he had to use the shower and wanted to know when he would be able to but that went out the window one day when he came out of the shower and asked me after he got dressed when I was planning to shower. I just gave him a confused look and kept doing whatever it was I was doing. I let his dad know and needless to say he hasn't asked me again.
I just find the kid strange. I feel like he will put on whatever face he thinks his father wants to see but he is a completely different person. And I know that we all did it as teens but its annoying as fuck. I just want some ideas on how to deal with this in a constructive and healthy way.
Thanks for making it this far.
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Comments
I'm already pregnant,
I'm already pregnant, abortion is not an option for me at this point in my life. Whether or not I want to "bring a baby into this" is a moot point, isn't it? Apart from that, any advice?
I'll try for you in a
I'll try for you in a nutshell: DH impregnated BM1, married her during pregnancy, and separated shortly after she got pregnant with baby 2 as it was clear she was in the beginnings of psych deterioration. Of course, this is his side of story, there is definitely her side, which I don't know. He then got with BM2, which was when BM1 went batshit crazy. Began to neglect kids to get SO's attention. SO began the process of getting custody. Drama between BM1 and BM2, SS14 was basically under BM1's control during that time and contributed to problems in SO and BM2's relationship. BM2 informed SO that she was basically impossible to impregnate as she had to go out of the country to obtain "potions" to have her first child, but lo and behold gets pregnant 3 months after getting with him. Whirlwind relationship, they are incompatible, issues with BM1 and SS14, and she takes off to another state with SO's 3rd child (who is now 4). SO was in the process of being awarded custody and could not move after her (and states he didn't want to). I have a relationship with BM2, she has confirmed a lot of this.
So yeah, SS14 shares dad with SS9, but SS4 does not live here and quite frankly, because first 2 skids share the same mom, it seems like its not that bad of an issue for him. I have seen how he gets when SO speaks to SS4 over the phone, I can tell he gets jealous. But am I (or any other step parent on this site for that matter) not supposed to have kids because some 14 year old can't share Daaaaadddy??? If that's the case, a lot of people wouldn't be born, because it's almost the norm for skids, and even bio siblings, not to want new siblings.
I'm just trying to figure out a way to work with this situation. SO goes with most of my suggestions, but it feels like I'm always pushing SS14 away, because he's always pushing boundaries. SS9 even gets annoyed with SS14. SS9 can't sometimes even have a conversation with SO because SS14 wants all the attention sometimes.I have to advocate for him at times.
As an added, I also want to say that I encourage alone time for them. In fact, I work 12.5 hour shifts 3x weekly with EOW, so this weekend they get to be with SO alone all weekend. Next weekend we are all together. In fact, it's difficult for SO and I to find alone time. His family lives in another country, and BM only has one brother and sister who do not have a strong relationship with skids, so they're pretty much with us all the time. Unless they are in school or an activity.
Reassure him u wont feel
Reassure him u wont feel differently about him. His dad will still spend time with him. Its all u can do I'm afraid, watch BM isn't sowing seeds of doubt in hs head. BM did that to my Sd when she was 9 and found out i was pregnant. Gl Hun and congrats on the pregnancy x
Thank you G, I try my best to
Thank you G, I try my best to do this. BM1 was successful in this in regards to SS4. I remember when I was first dating SO and we went out to a restaurant with skids and my friend and my friend asked how many were there and SS9 said, "1" and I said, "no that's wrong, you have 2 brothers", and he says "well, SS4 is only my HALF brother, he's not like my REAL brother". Total BM1 crap. SS14 also told me when he found out I was pregnant that "this baby is going to be my REAL sibling"....I think he said that to attempt to make me feel better that he will "really" love my child "more" than SS4? Idk..he had a lot of issues with BM2 so it could be how he really feels but then again, some of the stuff he does....like I said, just off. I just remembered how last week, SO bought me food from a restaurant he had taken them to and he bought me a plate home so that I could have something when I got out of work. With spoon in my mouth, SS14 literally takes one of the food plates out from under me and starts to eat it. Very hungrily. Like he didn't just have dinner with SO and SS9. And it was the second time he did that to me with food. Again, because I didn't want to explode and say the wrong thing, I just looked at him, got up, went to my room, closed the door. Didn't want the food anymore.
I get it, but the thing is,
I get it, but the thing is, there has to be some type of thing/counseling/activity to help him. That's life, we all feel "shafted" at one point or another. Unfortunately for him, this is what life will be for him. While I do see it as a battle I have to go through to not offend him unnecessarily, I feel that he's going to be the one with the larger war going on. SS4 has to come visit sometimes, he gets "all the attention". Tough titty, that's life. SO will have another child he has to parent and help support, tough titty, that's life. Feeling shafted is one thing, we can all try to address it, discuss it, but my goal is to eventually try to be a part of the fixing process if I'm capable and not overwhelmed.
SO does not cater to his behavior. SO WILL close doors and he tries to be as "fair" as he can. SO does not like what SS14 has become at times and more importantly, he sees the BS and acts on it accordingly. While I do not expect for SO to do more for our child than his others, I also do not expect less, and I know that he will be a great father. My instincts are telling me SS14 will have a hell of a time dealing with the whole thing. He probably thought he was "rid"of SS4 and now has to deal with new baby. And we all know that smaller children, by nature of being smaller and more dependent, require more time and attention than bigger kids do. It's just life.
SO has never tolerated skids treating me in a disrespectful manner. I have learned that SO values and respects our relationship and can usually see my point of things, so the one to lose in all this if he doesn't get with the program....is SS14. I just don't want it to have to come down to that, but if he keeps acting this needy, I will inevitably not want to involve him in my life as much as I do now. And you may or may not know that SO's work schedule does not allow for him to see skids M, T, W. So again, SS14 will lose out. See, SO doesn't force me to stay with skids M, T, and W. I do it out of pity for the fact that there is no one else to do it, unless SO pays a babysitter. I don't have to do anything for skids really. I spoke to SO about it. I showed them how to do laundry. So now even if I wash clothes, I separate mine and SO's and have the kids fold theirs. I cook for SO and ask the kids if they want what I'm making. If they don't, I'm not responsible for what they eat. SO grew up very poor so he will say "they won't die if they don't eat cause they don't like what you cooked". I don't have to cater to them. However, I do not abuse that because I do love SO, so I want us all to be as happily blended as possible, so as the adult, I try.
However, I am also human and I'm not going to want to assist a 14 year old (going on 15 in a few months) who is treating me or my kid like crap, especially when they know full well what they are doing. It's just going to make me take it down another notch (think, no diamond earrings, no advocating that skids come on private vacations with SO, not participating with his upbringing).
Skids don't do anything for me. I don't have anything to lose if, say, for whatever reason we didn't speak. I can't say the same of them though. And I repeat, SS9 while he has issues, is nothing at all like SS14.
Feeling shafted is normal. Acting like an injured ex for long periods of time is not. I fear that he will :quit school/do drugs/ruin his life, all because he "felt shafted". That's not normal.
These kids come from a very
These kids come from a very unstable background. Its easy to see why they are so clingy- people (adult partners) come and go, what is the relationship like with the other child their father has?, and they BM is on supervised visits... This is a rough deal. Plus, please excuse me for saying this, but your writing is very aggressive, resentful and angry wrt the kids. Think they don't pick up in this?
You have a tough situation, but maybe if you were less resentful of the kids, their behavior would ease up. Remember that the other kid is out of the picture. Don't you think these kids wonder if they will be shipped off if the new baby come along? It may seem ridiculous, but refering to things they won't get as presents can be that these kids are emotionally threatened by the new baby. Hell, in most nuclear families, the older sibs don't want a new baby- these kids are no different.
It may help if you see things through the eyes of the kids. Try to see things from their perspective and see what you get.
It's true that I am a bit
It's true that I am a bit "aggressive" with them (if I serve them food after cooking, I will ask in a stern tone that they remember to clean their dish when they are done). I also don't sugar coat how I feel sometimes. BUT, I try to not let those feelings become actions. Also, it's not both of the skids that behave this way. It's pretty much SS14 for the most part. SS9 will sometimes try to follow him, but honestly does not share the same traits. SS14 is not a bad kid, he's really not. I just find myself losing patience with him, for things I feel he should "know better" KWIM? And I get worried at the manipulation. I don't think it's normal for someone to tell you how much they love your baby....but then go punching and kicking walls.
SS14 does talk to me, a lot. I think sometimes he might see me as a friend or something, not a stepparent, hence the boundary issues. The issue is that while I don't outwardly act like this with him, I feel this way inside and it really bothers me. I was talking to BM2 about 2 weeks ago. She said to me, "SM, I felt like I had to sleep with one eye open around that kid".
It's not just me. I just want him to grow up to be a healthy adult. I don't want him to feel "rejected" that I don't want him laying in my bed (where I basically do adult things }:) ). I don't want him to feel rejected that I don't feel obligated to buy him Balenciaga shoes but will buy my child things. They have a mom, and a dad, and I also help out....a lot (please see prior blogs). BUT I don't think I should have to do less for my child because their mom is a POS, so I'm trying to think of ways to diffuse a situation that hasn't happened yet, if that makes any sense.
I've thought of family counseling, but these kids are already in therapy at law guardian's request. I don't want them to be "over therapied". I also don't want to have to deal with a clingy man child because he has a shitty mom.
Can the aggression and
Can the aggression and manipulation be addressed in his current therapy? Can you raise it with the therapist as an issue to look at? He may even be manipulating his therapist... Who knows.
I agree with you on the bed thing- yup that is out of order. I don't allow my SS 12 in my bedroom at all. (doesn't mean he doesn't snoop around there sometimes!) and as for the shoes, hell no, this is not even a debate, its a straight no. He doesn't need it.
I think this kid may need a stabilizing influence and maybe that is you. DH is going to have to parent his kids and hopefully settle into a good and stable relationship with you. Maybe you should sit down as a family and tell the kids this. May stop a lot of the insecurity.
I do agree that you should not have to sacrifice for your kid because these other kids have a different set if parents. However reading your description of the BM, it would appear that they only have Dad. Hence they cling and annoy. SO also needs to step up and really be a positive factor in these kids lives. He's all they basically have - and then the role you wish to play. Consider the "family meeting"? I really do want what's best for you and the kids. The whole situation makes me rather sad. I will try to follow your blogs and see how things go.
Thanks, Jinger, I didn't even
Thanks, Jinger, I didn't even think of the obvious. The skids' therapy should begin soon, again (they had therapy in the past when SO and BM1 divorced and when SO was granted custody(. I do think that maybe I could write something up to the therapist regarding my opinion of what the skids issues are. As I've mentioned, it seems that the one who needs more assistance/help is SS14, who IMO is abnormally clingy to SO. I do know that SO spoke to therapist already to give background info but therapist hasn't met with skids yet
"Hell, in most nuclear
"Hell, in most nuclear families, the older sibs don't want a new baby- these kids are no different." This is very good advice. As hard as it is NOT to take their terrible remarks to heart, try to remember where they are coming from. These children have had a lot of change. And they're reluctant to accept even more change.
My SD said something similar when I was expecting, "I hope your baby gets canceled." It really stung, but I know she didn't even realize what she saying. I hope their feelings change once the baby is born. You shouldn't have be worrying or focusing on any of this. Your focus should be your and your baby's health.
I encourage them both to have
I encourage them both to have a voice, and SS9 will definitely voice what he's really feeling. I had to stop him though because it became too much. He kept on saying things like that, like imagine your kid is born with 3 eyes, imagine you have triplets, imagine it hates you right now, and I had to explain to him that that wasn't nice and hurt my feelings. I asked him how he would feel if he knew someone asked his mom that while she was pregnant with him. Would it make him feel good to know that someone said he could be retarded, or have 3 eyes, or hates his mom? He kinda laughed at first, but he stopped saying things like that. Now, while SS14 won't necessarily tell me those kinds of things, his behavior is very different. It's kind of a power play for him to try to figure out what SO and I are doing if we are out alone (which is probably food shopping or something along those lines). In fact, SO proposed to me last month and bought tickets for us to go to Puerto Rico, and the skids begged to come with us, so I told SO I'd be cool with the kids coming so long as we eventually got a mini vacation alone sometime this year. SO and I are very busy and we've already kind of fallen out of doing the alone dates, which I miss but I understand are not possible all the time what with him having skids 24/7 and all. Like I said, I just hate that he kind of wants to trump me at everything with his dad, it's like BM2 told me: It's almost like living with another woman in your home. She's kind of right. I hope it doesn't get worse, I just want us all to be happy.
It sounds like SS14 has
It sounds like SS14 has really bad attachment issues. HE will cling to you and then push you away. If you get too close to people they leave so why get close? And other kids come along that take time away from Dad. He has seen this already.
All he wants is a mother, not a nut case. And maybe he is realising his dream is not going to happen. He is also aware what 'happened' for you to get pregnant. Basically he is one hot hormone right now.
Start shutting the bedroom door. Just tell the boys that everyone is entitled to privacy including them. So in future bedroom doors will be shut but not locked. And everyone will knock and wait for a verbal OK before coming in. The only time this does not apply is if a parent is concerned about a situation and them they can walk in. Boys do 'things' in their rooms you really probably don't want to witness. As my son said as he flew back to Afghanistan (and I was a weepy mess) "Mum, if you you hear The Beatles coming from B's room DON'T GO IN!"
When I met my YSS he had been diagnosed with ADHD and on meds. These meds at least allowed him to sleep but otherwise his was in his own little world. I worked with him to break through his shell. I was firm but fair. We got very close, so much so that when he got his Eagle Scout he insisted I get an Eagle Mom pin. Since then things are 'in transition' to a different relationship. It will happen when he stops being a dumbarse!
As for the huggy kissy "lurve the baby' and then door kicking session.... he may just be using the baby as an excuse for releasing anger. Also this boy is probably jealous his younger sibling will have a normal family whereas he didn't.
Yes, he's at the point now
Yes, he's at the point now where he does the 1 hour shower thing, so I get it. That's why I don't feel "motherly" towards him. I feel a huge difference when it's just us at home when SO is at work and when SO is home. I definitely feel like he will be more touchy feely with me but will NOT do it when SO is around. However, he will say certain things in front of SO to make SO believe he is the "perfect" son IMO. Again, all issues that I confirmed with BM2 happened while she was in a relationship with SO. I guess with 2 people saying it, SO has had no choice but to slowly accept that SS14 was not who he thought he was. SS14 has been displaying this behavior according to BM2 since even the beginning of her relationship with SO. He was 10 at the time. She told me many things. She told me how he cried when SO bought her an itouch for Christmas one year and how SO at the time babied him and did the guilty daddy thing. Unfortunately, she had no resources to guide her through steplife, where I had already had some experience when I met SO. I had already read Wednesday Martin's Stepmonster and we discussed parenting styles and expectations and SM roles and expectations during those first few months. I made it clear that I do not tolerate crap from kids. He eventually got that point. SS14, I believe, perhaps initially wanted to have a relationship with BM2, but as he confessed to me earlier this year "I just didn't like her because she was better than me at everything, even ice skating". SS14, with his mother's assistance, I think believes he "got rid of" BM2. SS14, I believe, did try this with me in the beginning. But I'm not one of those people who are too afraid to speak my mind when something is wrong. And I did leave SO in the beginning re incidents where SS14 would steal from my purse when I would stay over. It was the beginning of the end of SO's illusion of what he thought his son was.
SS14, I believe, maybe naively, does care about me. But he cares about "being first" to dad more, or whatever he perceives that to be. SO is as involved with the boys as he can be, considering his work schedule. He tries the best he can, and for that I love him and am happy that he will be the father of my child. But what you said at that last sentence definitely struck a note. See, being that SS4 lives out of state, it is easy to maybe not send little reminders here and there to remind the child he is thought of and loved. BM2 discussed this as an issue, which I explained to her is just who SO is: he is not romantic, sometimes he's not thoughtful because he's too busy trying to deflect all the shit BM1 throws in his life.
We, no I, bought a Nook for SS4 and SS14 says "well why can't I have it?" and I said "well, see SS4 doesn't have his dad around, so this is kind of just a little present for him even though a dad's absence is not replaceable. I'm sure SS4 would prefer to have Dad and not the Nook". And SS14 says "Well at least he has a mom who loves him. I don't have that".
That's a problem for me. I had to explain to him that SS4 basically doesn't have a dad and it's wrong to be mad that he gets "things". Mind you, SS14 has a lot. He has an iphone, SO is going to connect it for him tomorrow. I bought him diamond earrings instead of the Balenciagas he wanted for graduation, which I got on sale from Macy's. Yes, the boy pierced his ears and got a tattoo this year but still gets very expensive things. I encouraged SO to open up bank accounts for them both when I began dating him. SS14 asks for stuff daily and SO does not always leave me money for said things (like Chinese food if I get home late and they haven't eaten or something). He gets a lot more than SS4 will ever get from me or SO. I get that he feels bad, but why should your siblings have less? I feel as if he doesn't get "fixed" now, he's going to grow up to be one of those people who blames his fuck-ups on Mom and Dad, instead of being accountable for your own actions. And again, I'll be damned if I'm doing less for my kid because SS14 is a poor widdle child of divorce. Regardless of the fact that they currently have supervised visitation with their mom, they still have 3 adults doing for them; my kid will have only 2.
He just needs to stop victimizing himself, he needs to stop clinging and love himself and develop confidence that he is still and all, a good kid, and very loved. Just the manipulation, sneakiness, and constant hanging around me and SO (he has no friends), are causing me to push him away.
I feel for you. I am 7 months
I feel for you. I am 7 months pregnant and it has been sheer hell since we told the two SS 16 and 18. The 18 year old gave us the silent treatment for 2 solid months and wouldn't make eye contact. We sat in horrible silence at meals for months. First we tried to be overly nice since they are adjusting, that did no good. Then we tried to ignore it, not effective. Then my husband would blow up on them. I don't know the answers. We have been going to counseling and that has helped but I am so resentful and bitter now I'm afraid I will loathe them forever.
Their reasoning for not wanting a baby around: they will look stupid now, they wanted to move in the spare room (even though no one ever made an attempt to do so), the younger one wont get his classic car restored (because his dad does all the work), etc etc....some of the dumbest reasons I've ever heard.
All in all, I feel for your situation. It's definitely not easy
Oh don't get me started on
Oh don't get me started on the house thing. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment now, we are looking to get a house. XW (BM1), stood with SO's first house but defaulted on the mortgage. They will be going to court for that in the future. So I've basically been the one pre-approved alone on a house. I have a little start up money. SO owns the 2 bedroom we live in so he can either sell or rent it.
Needless to say, on our very first house hunting trip looking at the first house with 3 bedrooms, skids are already making demands as to which rooms will be theirs. SS14, of course, says the master bedroom is his. SS9 claims another room. They even begin arguing as to who is taking which room. I tell them they should speak to their dad after we view the home.
I don't think SO told them yet that technically, the house will be under my name. That he still needs to fix situation with current foreclosing home due to their irresponsible mom. They have no idea that if I have a girl, baby will have her own room, boys will have another room. If its a boy, then someone is sharing a room. Don't know who it will be, I will post that when we are at that crossroads, but it is something they are already bitter about. They know that someone is going to have to share.
The way I see it is, when their mom womans up and helps out, more can be done for them. I am looking for a house for my child, not for them. This is not SO's issue as he doesn't mind either way whether or not we move. They also have a room here with us and an individual room for each child in their mom's house. My house, my rules. My kid will have what I say they will. And they will be pissed either way.
Sucks to be them. But that's the beauty of life, you can grow up and move out on your own and live life as you please. 3 more years and a few months for the first one to turn 18. THen the entitlement crap goes out the window. Unless he's doing something positive with his life (and I don't mean the "boxing" he's been doing).
When I told SO the stuff they have said, he very snarkily one day told them, if I want to have 1000 kids, its no one's business but mine and my wife's. I will provide all of my children with what they NEED until they are 18, then they can get a job and help me the way I've helped them their whole life.
Holy mother, I just googled
Holy mother, I just googled "Balenciaga shoes" and HELL NO!!!
I can't believe the kid actually has the NERVE to seriously ask for that. Talk about entitled!! I would have never in my wildest dreams have seriously asked for something like that from my parents.