Should you and your new husband put child support in your joint account

Hi. I have a question and hopefully someone out there has the same issue.

My ex-husband pays child support and my husband now says we should put it in our joint account.

Should we have a separate account just for the kids?

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I'm not receiving any child

I'm not receiving any child support YET but my daughter's sperm donor now owes me over $23,000 in child support arrears. The way I see it, I raised my daughter alone for nine years without support (not including the five years I parented her alone with no support from FH), so that money is MINE.

When the regular support payments start rolling in, that money will go into my personal account, to be used for the kid's clothing, education expenses, allowance, outings, etc. FH and I split our household expenses 50/50, so I'm already paying my share of her housing and food expenses.

I couldn't agree more....

I couldn't agree more.... when a parent hasn't received anything and they're doing it on their own, when (or IF) they DO get some money, they can do whatever they want with it!

A friend of mine was owed many many thousands of dollars and was FINALLY awarded "he goes to jail NOW and stays until it's paid" so naturally his family coughed up the moola. She promptly booked a cruise to the Bahamas. She had raised 3 boys ALONE for years on less than $20k a year and by golly she deserved that cruise as far as I'm concerned!

YUP! And the first thing

YUP! And the first thing I'll do with that money when it does come in is take the kid on a nice vacation, just the two of us. We both have earned it.

Yes ma'am you have!!! Go

Yes ma'am you have!!! Go and ENJOY!!!!

But if you split the

But if you split the household bills 50/50, is it really even?

For instance, I have no children in my situation, it's me and my husband with his daughter every other week. If it were just me and him and it were 50/50, yes that would be even. But add his daughter in there, and is that now even? That does mean I am helping him with his child if we are splitting bills 50/50 because I'm paying half of the extra electricity, water, food, clothing and gas to pick up drop off, as well as the extra room in the house that is hers that could be used as something else. I don't have a problem with this arrangement honestly, but when you break it down, I am helping monetarily and physically with his child.

I guess everyone has a different situation though, and your spouse might have children from prior relationships as well, in which case it is even to split 50/50 on the bills.

Well, in theory it's a 50/50

Well, in theory it's a 50/50 split because my FH has taken on the responsibility of parenting my daughter as a bio-father would. If anything happened to me, he would still be her parent. We are raising this kid together, thus we share the expenses for her. If we split up, I would have the legal right to sue him for child support because he is acting in the capacity of a custodial parent (not that I would do that).

In reality, his contribution to the household is far less than mine because he pays child support for three teenagers, plus extras like dental and orthodontist expenses and court-ordered trips to Europe for two out of three skids so far. Not to mention the added expense of visitation - they live 8 hours' drive round trip away so if they come here it's super expensive to get them and bring them home (and entertain and feed them while they're here) or to pay for a hotel room if he visits them in their city. My own money has also gone to pay for their birthday and Christmas gifts.

The child support money will go into my account simply to prevent any money coming in on behalf of my daughter going to BM's household to pay for her children. Simple as that.

I am little confused here,

I am little confused here, and I hope this doesn't come across as snarky, because I don't mean it that way at all, but here goes:

So when you say you share the expenses of your daughter because you are raising your child together, but you will not put any CS money into your joint account because you don't want it to go towards BM's household, isn't that kind of like saying he should help you take care of your daughter but you can't help take care of his kids?

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Pretty much, yep. I know

Pretty much, yep. I know it's a double standard but here's my justification:

1. We are raising "our" daughter together. If we had the money, we go go ahead and hire a lawyer for a legal adoption. For all intents and purposes, he is her Dad. Her own "sperm donor" has nothing to do with her whatsoever.

2. I have nothing to do with his children, aside from pick up the pieces after they've caused chaos in my home. They live too far away (BM's choice) for any regular visitation. This means that I have been denied the opportunity to form any kind of positive relationships with them. When they have been here for any amount of time, they have bullied my daughter and let it be known, quite clearly, that they have no intention of being any part of this family.

3. They already have a mother. They don't need or want me to have anything to do with their lives. I have no input as to how they are raised and neither does FH. Our home is seen as a vacation spot to give BM a break.

4. I already DO support FH, in every way I can. Last year, we spent over $10,000 in extra expenses for these kids who aren't even part of my life. His debt is also mine. My daughter and I go without many, many things (I don't even OWN make-up, for example) so that he can pay exorbitant amounts of money into BM's household already. They are already living the high life on my dime. If FH didn't live with us, he would be destitute.

Maybe it doesn't sound fair, but in my mind it all evens out.

Well, that's that then,

Well, that's that then, lol.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

(No subject)

I hear you, but I guess I am

I hear you, but I guess I am a bad person because I am not alright with this arrangement. My DH has custody of 17 yr old SD and his ex has SS... he pays child support for SS, health insurance and we have him every other weekend. His daughter is with us always and is far more expensive.. She has medicines, doctors appointments and is going to college next fall. I just found out that because we were married 11/22/09 my income and assets need to be factored into her student aid application as well. All the while her BM does nothing.. I mean notta.. no school clothes, no Christmas gifts, nothing... I am resenting this so much it's making me feel like I want out of this marriage already... I am so tired of these kids. I don't have any myself, I made a choice not to, I don't think I should be financially responsible for these kids.. their parents chose to have them, they need to do what needs to be done.. not me. I married him, not his kids. Am I a bitch ?

NO you are NOT a bitch. You

NO you are NOT a bitch. You need to find an arrangement that works for YOU. That's the only way you'll be happy. Everyone's circumstances and levels of tolerance are different, and money is a HUGE issue. I'd be severely resentful if I were in your position, too. Is there a way you could divide your finances more equitably, taking the financial responsibility for his kids off your shoulders? It might save your sanity to do so.

I think if you share an

I think if you share an account for household bills and of course, housing, clothing, food and electric are bein paid for your stepdaugther out of that acount, the cs should be put in the household account. Otherwise to me, mom is double dipping and has two men paying for her offspring.

It should go into the joint

It should go into the joint account if your husband is contributing money to raise your child.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

Well, my xh just started

Well, my xh just started paying on his child support he is over 32K behind in support. So far the payment from him is only 160.00.... and My husband and I agreed - that money goes into my daughter's savings account for her to use when she graduates from high school - which happens in three years from now.

It depends on the situation I think. But if the support was needed to help keep a roof over her head or purchase groceries or the like wise - it would go into the joint checking (a portion) and a portion would go into her account.

We pay DH's child support out of our joint account cause SD is a part of our family as well..... I have no problem with it.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

What I also did with cs was

What I also did with cs was this.... of course this was because we quit going through the court system YEARS ago, but EH deposits cs into a separate savings account for perfectson. I took 1/3 of that and had it invested into a brokerage account for perfectson and then the other 2/3 I used specifically for perfectson's extra bills such as sports equipment, cell phone, etc. When he turned 16 I opened him a checking account and then put that 2/3 into his checking and made him responsible for some extras plus then he had gas and spending money too. After he got a job I transitioned him into using his OWN money to pay his bills and I took back the cs to pay the enormous amounts of bills that being a SR costs! LOL

I would think that since

I would think that since some CS is supposed to go for costs of housing, and utilities, that maybe some of the support should go in the household bills account?

Also, kinda related, I don't think it's really a fair split if a woman has let's say 2 kids and her DH has none, that they pay bills 50/50, unless DH is absolutely ok with that. Or vice versa, if he has kids and she has none.

But that's just my thoughts.

*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Yeah, I understand your

Yeah, I understand your frustration with that. My DH has a crappy job (lost a good one and hasn't been able to get a decent one since) and I make almost twice what he makes. I pay almost 400 a month in health/dental/vision insurance for all 3 of us before I even see my check, and what he contributes to household expenses MIGHT pay half the mortgage. We still have car note, groceries, gas bill, water, electric, newspaper delivery, cable/internet, insurance, and whatever else I may be missing. I also pay for SD's piano lessons, which are about $60 a month. It's not a fair split, in any way.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~