BM is losing it!
BM sent us an email this week about "using SD8 as a go-between". LOL! Now that's the pot calling the kettle black! The email was very angry & accusatory. My husband responded to it last night, basically saying "What the f*ck are you talking about?!", but worded much more nicely. (We're being extremely careful with how we word things now, since we'll be going to court soon. We don't need to give her ammo.)
We're pretty sure that BM is angry that my husband talked with SD8 about the custody issues. (And that SD8 told us, just like she had told BM, that she doesn't want to live with BM full-time.) OK, so BM is allowed to talk with SD8 about anything & everything, but my husband is not? That's not how it works, honey! Last week, my husband had a 10 minute talk with SD8 about what's going on (which SD8 already knew the details of from BM) & he asked her a few basic questions that she could answer. That was it. We didn't talk about it any more for the rest of the week. SD8 seemed happy to get all this out in the open & we had a great week with her.
I think BM is mad that my husband didn't go through her first. BM thinks that all questions have to be directed to her instead of SD8, otherwise "we're putting SD8 in the middle". Um, not if these are basic questions that SD8 can answer herself & she's comfortable talking about whatever it is. It's not like we're badgering her about BM's personal life or anything petty. This was all about what SD8 wants & how she feels. We don't need BM to tell us this! Plus, BM NEVER consults us about anything before she talks to SD8. And I can guarantee that BM is badgering SD8 for info on my husband & I. I KNOW that BM used former SD11 as her personal spy at our house, which is probably part of why BM is so pissed that former SD11 does not live with us anymore. SD8 probably doesn't volunteer too much info to BM because we let her do things at our house that BM doesn't approve of (watching cartoons BM doesn't like, playing with "girl" toys, etc.). SD8 seems to like having two very different worlds that she's part of.
Anyway, my husband & I discussed this all last night. This morning at breakfast, out of nowhere, my husband said, "I think BM is losing it.". I completely agree. Her behavior over the last year or so (pretty much since we got married) has gone further & further downhill, but lately it's gotten off the wall. She sends us angry emails, which we've learned to ignore unless they deserve some sort of response, like this week's did. Her expectations of always getting her way are completely crazy. She absolutely will not compromise on anything & makes all these rules & demands. She's trying to pull this in court now, so I hope we get a good judge. I think she's really angry that we've stopped letting her have her way all the time & she's convinced herself that a judge is going to force us to cater to her. I also think that she's pissed because everyone is happy now except her. I know she was using former SD11 to put a wedge in between my husband & I, and I'm sure she's furious that it didn't work. It makes me wonder what she's going to do next.
Sorry for yet another long rant, but this woman is crazy!
- squeegie_beckenheimer's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Well personally I love to
Well personally I love to hear stories about BMs losing it, so thanks! Its quite entertaining to me LOL
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
It's sad
Neither side should ever ever discuss court issues with the children. If BM is doing it, as well, then she's very wrong. Custody and court issues should be kept between the adults only.
It is sad, Angel37
I agree with that. BM pushed this on the kids, not us. My husband asked SD8 is she knew about BM trying to get full custody of her & SD8 already knew (which we figured). The **only** reason my husband asked this was because he wanted to know what SD8 wanted. Normally, I would say that it's not up to the kids to decide this stuff (& it's really not, it's up to the judge), but with our past problems with BM, we wanted to know where we stood. BM has been trying like mad to alienate SD8 from us & it's not working.
There are a lot of things that the kids should not know about. I could not agree more. But BM tells them EVERYTHING. And I'm not kidding. We're talking about a woman who told the kids, at ages 4 & 7, that "if it wasn't for you guys, I would be either dead or in jail". We have this in one of the kid's school journals. She also told them about how women in their family have a problem with getting pregnant at 18 & that this stops with them; they are going to go to college before they think about making babies.
Most recently, this past December, BM sent my husband an email stating that she would be sharing "all correspondence, past, present & future" between the 3 of us with the kids. The kids do not need to know every little thing that goes on between us all. But she chose to put the kids smack dab in the middle of all of this. We obviously do not approve. Hell, we didn't even want to bring up the custody issue. But in this case, it was good we did because SD8 had been worrying that she wouldn't get to see us anymore (because that's what BM told her). Like I said, BM is completely losing it.
I understand
I totally get what you're saying, but just because she does it doesn't make it ok for your husband to do it. My ex did that with my kids (even gave them CO to read) but I refused to even discuss it with my children. I always told them that it wasn't for them to worry about and that it was an adult issue but no matter what their daddy and I loved them. I didn't stoop to my ex's level.
Both sides are playing with the kids emotions in this situation. Both BM and dad are wrong. The kids should NEVER be put in the middle or put in any kind of position where they feel that they have to side with one parent or another, and that's what's happening here. Your SD may have felt like she had to tell dad what he wanted to hear and yet is telling BM what she wants to hear. Do you see how damaging that can be for the kiddos?
ETA: When the children are concerned about not seeing your husband anymore, just make sure that they know he's going to make sure that doesn't happen. That's it. That's all any kid needs to know.
Angel37...
I think you misunderstood my posts. "Both sides are playing with the kids emotions in this situation." is not true. My husband only asked SD8 how she felt about this because he knew that BM had been putting all kinds of stuff in her head. If he ignored what was going on & didn't talk to SD8, she would still be carrying around the thought of living with her mom full-time & seeing us less, which is not what she wants. It was very upsetting to her that BM told her all of this. I highly doubt that SD8 is just telling each parent what they want to hear. If that were the case, why didn't she tell us that she wanted to live with us full-time? Plus, she had reasons to back up her claims of wanting to keep things the way they are, as if she'd been thinking about this for a while. And she seemed to be very honest & open about all of it.
Like I believe I wrote (I can't remember because it's been a while), the conversation lasted only a few minutes. My husband mentioned BM going to court for full custody (which SD8 already knew about months ago from BM), he asked SD8 how she felt about this (because if she wanted to live with BM & her half-sister full-time he needed to know this) & then when SD8 stated she wanted everything to stay like it is now, my husband told her that he would do everything he could to make it stay this way. That was it. And SD8 was relieved by this & we had a wonderful week with her, not mentioning it since.
Ideally, my husband wouldn't have said anything to her about this, but it just wasn't possible. And other than this, we do not discuss BM issues with or around SD8. We never have. We do not believe in putting her in the middle. BM, on the other hand, does this constantly. It's not right & we do not stoop to her level. We confront BM when necessary, not SD8.
Sorry if I sound offended by your comment, but I just wanted to clear this up. It's so hard for people to understand when they're not living it. I'm sure what your ex did was wrong & you reacted the way you saw fit. All I'm saying is that BM is completely irrational & does whatever she wants, never stopping to consider how it's affecting "her girls". My husband dealt with this the best way he knew how. If 5 minutes of talking to SD8 about this traumatizes her for life, I'll sell my soul to the devil! Not after 8 YEARS of the things BM has done to that poor kid!
Another example of BM losing it...
Tonight, my husband & I are eating dinner when the phone rings. It's BM's number. We let it go to voicemail.
A little later, my husband goes to listen to the message & says, "I'll bet it's SD8.". (Which is what I was thinking.) Whenever BM wants to talk to my husband, she puts one of the kids up to calling as a foot in the door. So SD8 left a message about some sports thing this weekend (we assume this weekend, she didn't actually say when it was) that was going on at a local college & that it was free. The fact that "some sports thing" doesn't exactly sound like SD8's cup of tea is beside the point. My immediate question was if BM was going to be there with former SD11. Because then it's ruled out completely; my husband doesn't want to go somewhere & be forced to deal with BM. Especially not with all this custody crap going on. He can do something else with SD8 this weekend to make up for it.
The other thing that bothered me...and BM does this all the time...why did SD8 call with this info? This is the sort of thing that BM should email us about. And if she couldn't email us, then she should call us, not SD8. I hate that! Isn't this putting SD8 in the middle?!
I will bet that if my husband had picked up the phone, he would have gotten stuck talking to BM. It's obvious that she's dying to talk to my husband & get some sort of reaction out of him about the custody issue. I know that's what this is. It's so petty & sad.