Latest update on the psycho BM situation....
In my last blog, I said how BM was now insinuating that my husband isn't SD8's father. Well, she finally came right out & admitted it.
After my husband told BM that he would not accept phone calls from her, that he wanted everything in writing, and that phone calls should be for emergencies ONLY, BM flipped out. She sent him an email with the subject somewhere along the lines of: EMERGENCY! YOU NEED A PATERNITY TEST DONE FOR SD8! The email had some complete BS about how BM found some old journals & realized that she had been sleeping with someone else (or multiple someone else's? I don't know if she specified. My husband offered for me to read the email, but I didn't want to.)
My reaction was...uh, if she had been sleeping around (which I don't doubt), why didn't she question it when she found out she was pregnant? Hmmm...could it be to TRAP my husband? Because she saw dollar signs when she saw my husband? Because she knew what a wonderful, honest man my husband is? Because she knew that getting pregnant was a good excuse to get married, which also helped her win full custody of her other daughter? And when they got divorced, why didn't she mention it then, either? Could it be because she saw freedom from the kids every other week? And possibly child support sometime down the road?
This woman is EVIL. She's disgusting, gross & nasty, inside & out. And if I run into her in public without the kids, I'll be sure to tell her that.
There is always the chance that she's lying & she wasn't sleeping around, but somehow I doubt it. My husband didn't know how BM was until after they were married (she admitted to sleeping with half the town & had the reputation to prove it). Up until then, BM was playing it up for him just like she's doing with her current wealthy boyfriend. Sometimes when I get really disgusted by all this, I ask my husband why on earth he would ever have slept with her in the first place. And unprotected, no less. What the hell was wrong with him? He won't answer me, which is a good thing. And I hate myself for asking him those questions because I know that I've been in relationships where later I look back & wonder what the hell I was thinking. So I know HOW it happens. He was young, naive & lonely. And BM knew it. This is what she preys on. We've seen it time & time again with her young boytoys. The latest boyfriend is older, but he's emotionally messed up (had been going through a nasty divorce when BM swarmed in).
So now what? The local drugstore does not have one of those paternity tests, my mom must have seen it somewhere else. And I know they don't always hold up in court anyway, it would mostly be for our knowledge. So we're not ruling out doing one if we come across one. My husband wants BM to request the paternity test in court, hoping that BM would get stuck paying since she's the one requesting it. Don't know if that's how it works or not. I guess we'll see. My only fear is that BM doesn't request a test, wins full custody & then we'll have to pay child support. And what would be do then...request a test because we're stuck paying the witch? That would look bad. Plus, I've heard we might have to pay child support even if SD8 isn't his child. (Which is completely f'd up!) So I'm not sure what we're going to do. I suppose we need to consult a lawyer at some point. Fun, fun!
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Shut
the hell up! OMG...I cannot believe this. Forget what she is doing to the adults in the situation what about SD8? She has allowed this child to believe for 8 years of her life the man she calls dad might not be her dad!!!!!
I am so sorry for you and your H and the SD! Get a lawyer and H and the SD will have to go and give DNA samples and the test will be done. It takes like 2 weeks I think. I know because of my sister's escapades. If you think she is bluffing call her bluff. If SD is not his I would do all I could to make her pay for the horrible lie she has placed on her own child and your H.
However if she is not your H's this will not automatically turn off either of ya'lls feelings for SD8. Still try to maintain a relationship as much as is allowed with her if you can.
You do not need this with being pregnant and all! I am so sorry!
StepG...
Yeah, we have some stuff to sort out & think over. If we had money, consulting a lawyer & having a paternity test done would have already been done. But we're broke...we just bought a house, have a baby on the way...we're living paycheck to paycheck. I hate to resort to using the credit cards, but if we have to, we have to. This is why we're thinking about our options before going too crazy.
If SD8 isn't my husband's, you're absolutely right that it won't automatically turn off our feelings for her. My husband is going to be devastated. The only thing I'm not so sure of is how SD8 is going to take it. I'm sure she would be upset, at least at first. But I don't know, there's something not quite right about SD8 & how she handles things. It's like she just doesn't care. Kind of like BM. I think SD8 is a budding narcissist. SD8 only sees how situations benefit her. So I think if BM continues her PAS attack on her, it'll only be a matter of time before SD8 doesn't want to be part of our lives anymore. Honestly, the behavior from this past month I've seen in SD8...it's like she didn't even want to be with us. The only time she seemed to enjoy herself was when we took her to Six Flags & at her birthday party, where all she cared about were the presents. Most of the time she was with us, she would mention BM, stuff at BM's new house, the new school BM registered her at (without my husband's permission), BM's family, things BM was going to take her to do, BM buying her an "awesome" present for her birthday, etc. Of course, BM also called every 2 or 3 days, emailed, sent a letter, etc. reminding SD8 of all this stuff. We never had our time with SD8.
So yeah, something doesn't quite feel right here. I can completely see SD8 being upset at first, but then being excited to meet her "real" dad. As awful as it sounds, I don't see this being as traumatizing as it would be for most kids. I feel bad for saying that, but this is really how I feel. I could be WAY off, but SD8 almost acts like she has no emotion anymore. It's weird. And scary.
You would have to pay some
up front for a lawyer but boy if this was ever a case where attorney fees would be sued for and won this would be it.
I know with baby coming money is tight and all but if it proved to not be H's then the cut out of child support in long run might make us difference now.
Tough spot you are in. Tell her she wants the test done she needs to pay for it!
OMG! How ugly and hurtful.........
She just happened to find some journals that told her she was sleeping with multiple men. What was she brainless when she did that? Was she asleep? How she been that promiscuious that she could not remember until she read about it 8 years later?
She has known all along and it has been eating at her for years. That is why she finally fessed up. But dang, the pain she could put SD through. It is crazy.
I would not tell SD anything at this point. But please see a lawyer, take that email and see what your options are. I would go ahead and have the paternity test done. It is important to know - if only for health reasons if they should come up in the future.
I feel for your family in this. That has got to be a hard thing to deal with.
imagr8tma...
Yeah, you can see why the whole journal thing is a joke. She had to read a journal from almost 10 years ago (SD8 is almost 9 & it takes 9 months...) to "remember" that she had slept with another man (or men)? Come on! She obviously knew all along or is making this up. Though, if you knew BM & the stunts she pulls, the lies she tells, the insanely stupid things she says, you'd understand that I don't expect anything other than something this ridiculous!
And she's "fessing up" now because she knows it will probably affect our court case. If it's true & my husband isn't SD8's father, the judge might give BM full custody, despite the fact that she can't even provide basic care for SD8. If it's a lie & my husband is the father, it may at least delay the case enough for school to start. And like I said, BM has already registered SD8 at the school near her new house. We can't drive her to school from our house...it's like 45 minutes! BM did all of this on purpose. Of course, there is a chance that the judge will be angry that BM is pulling all this crap & will allow us to register SD8 at the school here. I don't know.
We absolutely will not say anything to SD8. Of course, SD8 just left us for BM's for the next month. And god only knows what BM will tell her. I would not put it past BM to say something.
Yeah, it looks like a lawyer is in our near future! Just keep piling on the debt! At the rate all this crap is going, we'll be lucky if we can afford anything for the baby. Which is what I feared. Take away from MY child to deal with BM's nonsense. Big shocker! Guess I'd better start hitting all the thrift shops within a 100 mile radius! (It's really rural where I live, so there's not much close by.)
I don't understand the benefit of her saying this now
She has CS and you take care of SD part of the time, right? Why is she doing this? The emergency email is just too much. Is it just to torment DH? Please don't leave it up to her, take control and do what you need to do. She brought it up. Now let her deal with the fall out. Dumb ass.
LizzieA...
She's doing this now because my husband just filed paperwork with the court for full custody of SD8. You can see my other blogs to understand why this is happening. This has been a long, drawn out mess. BM has made it clear that she WILL get custody of SD8 & is pulling out all the stops. This might be yet another bluff or it could be her last resort. (Because a few months ago, she wanted my husband to sign over full custody to her without going to court. Which would have given her two things she wants -- full custody AND child support.) My husband doesn't pay her child support because they have 50/50 custody & BM makes more money than he does.
Yeah, I laughed at the emergency email. She must have been livid when she wrote it! Good! Let her get worked up because her little plan is falling apart.
Identigene
was the one my brother used. It says they sell them at WalMart now too. 3-5 days for results!
I will never understand
the hurtful things people will do to one another! What is wrong with that woman? Why would you choose to hurt your child like that?