Hey this is my first post on this page. I've been with my partner for just over a year, and I am the step mom to a beautiful 3 year old girl.

We do not have a good relationship with her bio mom, and she can be very challenging to talk to. We have custody on weekends.

The bio mom has been in an 'on again off again' abusive relationship for some time. On a few occasions the child has come to us, and told us about witnessing domestic violence. We have attempted to talk to the bio mom about this, from every angle possible, but every time we bring it up she will deny it completely, yell profranities at us, and then call me a child abuser. Thankfully the child feels comfortable talking to us when things happen, so we are able to provide her with emotional support and care. We have notified child protective services, but they do not think the case meets their threshold as there has been no direct violence towards the child. 

This weekend the child has been very upset, and obviously traumatised by another incident. She has been crying a lot, talking about how she is worried for her mother as the guy has been hitting her again, and she has been re-enacting scenes she must have witnessed "don't hit my mummy! stop hitting! it's very naughty to hit". She has been saying she is very mad, grumpy and sad. We talked about it, acknowledged her feelings, and then got her to try out a variety of coping strategies for dealing with hard emotions (hugs, running, talking about it, dancing, jumping, singing loudly, listening to loud music, etc). She appeared to find this helpful. 

Later on when I was sitting with my dog she started trying to poke him in the eye. I said don't do that, you'll hurt him. She said "I want to hurt him because I feel sad". We talked through that, and again redirected her to more appropriate coping strategies.

We are going to try and talk to the biomom about it again before we drop the child off today, but I know she is just going to shout at us, completely deny all claims, and then turn it around on me and call me a child abuser. 

I grew up in an abusive family also, and most of my abuse happened at this age, so I find it particularly hard hearing what she is experiencing and feeling so powerless to do anything to stop it.

My partner is struggling with depression, so isn't in a position to provide me a place to vent. That's why I thought joining this forum might be helpful. Personally for me, talking about things helps when I'm going through some hard emotions.

Thanks for listening, and it would be great to hear any advice, experiences, or support that might be out there.