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Mission COmplete: "Private" meetIng with exH/BD a success

step off already's picture

Our meeting went quite well. He gave the kids money and had them order themselves and sit at their own table. We got right to business with summer activity schedules, remaining payments, pending vacations and residual paperwork. We discussed what worked this last school year, what parts were challenging for each household and what I'd be working on with each child during the summer and he even proposed a new possible schedule for next school year.

We talked a little bit about how busy it is with each of us working full time and managing the kids and getting then to where they needed to be. I encouraged him to ask for help and reminded him that even if we were together, we wouldn't both be at every game or practice. I shared how I managed my time with the kids (drop one off at practice, run to the grocery satire, swing home, make dinner then go back to the park to let the kids play for 20 min while practice wrapped up). And he shared with me how he would actually sit at practice and felt a bit relieved that I didn't expect him to sit there.

I asked if SM was willing to assist him or if she wanted to watch and he sided she didn't like being around some Of the annoying kids but she liked the games. (me too). He said he didn't like her to get too involved or give them rIdes because it took away from his time with the kids.

I shared some girly info regarding DD12: bra shopping and her use of tampons and that she had a box to bein to his home so they could get this brand she's comfortable with.

It was good to review everything and know where each person stands. Sometimes in written communication, emotions and intentions can be misinterpreted so I think face to face, periodic meetings are always a good thing.

All in all, we invested less than 90 minutes and accomplished a lot. It was clear that he consulted w SM prior to the meeting based on some of the feedback.

I Think as long as all involved are fine with these meetings and ultimately, they keep all relationships happy and healthy then they will continue. Thy seem to work for us.

Comments

purpledaisies's picture

I'm glad that is something you guys can do. But for me I'd be there period! IF that were to happen with my dh and his ex. Not that I don't trust him but I find it inappropriate plus dh has this thing about not remembering crap about scheduling or if we have anything going on in our household. I'm the one that will have that info and should be one to be talked too.

I wouldn't expect my dh that do that to me and I wouldn't do that to him. But that is how we work. I really am glad it worked for you.

Lalena75's picture

I envy you. I bawled myself to sleep last night because of trying to talk to my exh about the kids.

misSTEP's picture

It's too bad that more parents can't be as mature as you two even if they can't make their relationship work...

nothinforya's picture

This is how my ex and I were able to work. I thought everyone did it this way. It came as a terrific shock when I remarried and discovered the crazy world of DH's ex! There's no way to fix crazy!

step off already's picture

LOL. Yes, tell me about it. I have a few friends that are very cordial with their exes. When I brought DH into the picture with my friends, he was shocked how many of the exes would show up to the birthday parties or pizza parties, etc.

Then the more I got to know and understand the completely destructive and volatile relationship he had with his crazy BM, (and since spending more time on this site) I realize how lucky I am.