Is there a Sign on my back today?: let's fight!
Exh has the kids tonight. I alerted him that d13 has a test tomorrow ( because I know he can't be bothered to read the teacher's weekly email but he can surely complain about how unprepared they are or how poorly the kids do even though they are all sold b students and have consistently been recognized as academic scholars for our state. )
He is upset because dd doesn't have her book. He is upset because she has no study guide.
I remind him that she is excelling far further than we did (even with her challenges and add). I remind him that when we were her age we got tons if ds and Fs and we still went on to be successful. She needs to learn to succeed and fail. I also reminded him that he shouldn't demand perfection (as he was know. To do during our marriage, though Ieft that part out).
There's more.
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And not wanting to deal with
And not wanting to deal with the ex assuming it's my responsibility to najezsure dd has study materials, inform him there's a test, inform him if ways she can study with friends and then get bitched out that she's not prepared - on his day!!!
Here's an idea: read the parent letter weekly, like I do and I won't have to remind you if what's due after your one and only parenting night.
Omg. Yes. I want wine!!! I'm
Omg. Yes. I want wine!!!
I'm trying to let my daughter rise and fall. Shine and fail. He wants to force her through hoops.
As far as I'm concerned she's a bright and gifted girl - even if she's missing some work here and ther or if she has an F or a D ( but I know I'm biased because I'm the mommy).
But honestly, she is a solid B student. I do not expect perfection.
Our 5th grader brought home his misusing work print out. There were TWO things missing. I don't even care. That is nothing!!!
ExH has the nerve to mention the fact that ds11 (my 5th grader) didn't have his hw written down and he thought this was a pattern and on and in. Now let me say that ds11 is an A student and he is also on the autism spectrum. The kid handles his business with ectremt minimal supervision and help. I'll be damned if I'll let go (and/or sm) make a stink and bring hi down for two missing assignment a all quarter and for not having something written in a binder.
... In a parent meeting with dd13's counselor, Exh mentioned how sm gets mad when the kids don't follow her school program that she sets up for them.
Wtf!!! They are there one school night a week!
We have a lunch meeting
We have a lunch meeting tomorrow to discuss.
I know gat it was sm texting me. As Exh is dyslexic and does not write paragraphs via text message
I refuse to argue via text - esp with his wife who has recently decided to play the role of mommy for him while he is busy at work - did I mention he was at worn during much of our text discussion while kids were home with sm...
I tried to out an end to the " discussion" several times. Stating we had different priorities and different perspectives.
I stated we should meet to discuss and Exh (sm, I'm sure) suggested tomorrow morning at 8:30 aftwr dropping off the kids. Didn't work for me but I can do lunch
Seems like a good time to also bring up:
- how the kids aren't comfortable at his house
- how THEy would prefer to be with me if he won't be there
- how I'm not interested in sm "taking the kids out for the day" during the summer during his visitation days. He can take then or they can remain with me and I will take them somewhere or take cate of them myself
- how I'm open to changing our parenting schedule if he think he can so such a great job. I'm not giving up any time but if he thinks that him and his wife (who he's been trying to get to play mommy via counseling sessions and "working" on her being more involved with the kids).
I'm iown to a dialogue WITH HIM. Not with his wife whines sitting at his house getting angry at my children since they aren't falling in line (btw, she's 45 with no children of her own - just saying. There is a difference).
That's all. I'm ranting.
I totally agree. I know that
I totally agree. I know that SM is the one working with the kids on homework. As I said, he is dyslexic and reading and writing are not his thing. She has a master's degree.
I'm appreciative that she cares, but again, she needs to back off - they are just about the age where they will start resenting her even though they've had a great relationship for the past 5 years (as we read over and over on this forum).
I actually spoke with exH on Tuesday and we discussed that one of the tough things about step parenting (I'm a SM myself and he had made the comment regarding SM in DD13's counseling session) - the hard thing is that the two parents have time to work together and agree on what is/ isn't acceptable in raising their shared children. me and exH had 5 years of parenting together before we divorced. So we were on the same page regarding many things. Surely not everything, but many things.
Over the last 8 years, as the kids turn more and more into people with their own needs, struggles, preferences and desires, we are able to address and nurture different aspects of their personalities. Our new partners may think what we are doing is totally unacceptable or not how they would do it or WHATEVER. But, the steps need to back off and let the parents be the parents. The Steps should be a trusted advisor in the child's life - especially if they are not living with the kids full time.