I make comment to DH that family members have seen a posted picture of SD15 on Facebook at a party, in front of a beer pong table. Mind you, I don't go into detail of the things I have learned by snooping, which include that she has been going to parties, drinking, smoking weed, having sex, etc., all the while thinking she's cool because she's a party girl.

Go to drop her off at ANOTHER party on Friday night, he JOKES with her "hey, I know what kids do at some parties, be smart enough not to take pictures with cups in front of you."

WTF? Yes, I'm not naive enough to think that kids aren't going to do this... but trying to be the "cool" parent?

He claimed that the opposite would happen - that now she's aware he knows, and therefore she won't do it. Ha.

He picks her up from party. She has been drinking. He says he's speechless, and discusses with her about being responsible and not getting into cars with kids and blah blah blah. Then proceeds to nickname her "flip cup" (in reference to the drinking game). I said point blank that I don't agree with turning this subject into a joke, because then it shows a form of consent.

Funny thing is, Saturday, SD15 and I are talking and she brings up the subject "did Dad tell you what happened?". I said yes - I said I have no room to talk about alcohol, and as we always say, yes, as kids we did stupid things and made bad choices, and we aren't naive to think it's not going to happen - but I can't ever tell you that means it's ok. I explained that with these choices comes great responsibility, and that first and foremost, it's not legal to do. I went on about the things that can happen under the influence, etc. This is where I believe that children WANT some form of discipline and guidance, otherwise - why would she ask me - unless for me to say "yeah, it's AWESOME!"?!?

DH and I made plans to be out late on Saturday night. In the past, we have been able to trust the kids alone. SS17 was also out. SD15 had another birthday party, but it was at a facility so in our heads it didn't seem to be an issue. She called when she got home safe and we didn't think anything about it.

DH tells me that she texted him asking for our address because she wanted to order pizza. Bells go off, as this isn't something she does. We pick up SS17, and get home after midnight to find every light in the house on, her dead asleep, empty pizza boxes, chicken wings LITERALLY thrown in corners of the kitchen, a family heirloom of mine lodged under our recliner, Corona beer caps (we don't drink this), the 3 year old 6 back of beer in our fridge that we've never touched gone (funny, but replaced with 2 others that we don't drink), and the stench of weed throughout the dining room.

It took so much control to hold me back from flipping out. DH asks SD15 what happened and barely gets anything out of her as she's dead asleep (or faking, who knows). Gets out of her that 3 or 4 people were over. I said out of anything, at this point - this is MY HOUSE as well, I work hard to pay rent and keep things up for these children, you, the dog, everyone, and I will NOT allow my house to be disrespected. She has some ghetto friends, and I may not have valuable things, but it's still my home. I'm still taking inventory to see if anything was lifted.

Next day: SS17 and I go off on our own, leaving DH with a still sleeping SD15. Come home, he says "they talked" but kept it at that. He says he's too disappointed and pissed to really talk to her. Mind you, he always reacts calmly and rarely with anger, he waits until he thinks he can discuss things rationally.

She eventually evolves and he presses her more about who was smoking, drinking, etc. When he asks her point blank - did you smoke? She doesn't speak. He keeps repeating - I thought you were allergic to smoke... (when she was 8, she had frequent nose bleeds and headaches around cigarette smoke, which eventually the story changed to "she's deathly allergic").

I suggest to him that part of her punishment is that when she is picked up by her BM, that she has to be the one to tell her. "I can't even think of what I want to do right now", he says. Uhm, part of parenting is handling shit you don't want to deal with, no? He tells SD15, "we'll talk about this later". Great.

They go home, and DH gets a call from BM. Best part - SS17 (bless his heart), told BM she needs to call him. They talk, and she reiterates what I said - you need to hand down punishment immediately or they will think they are getting away with it or think it's ok. He says "well, she can't go anywhere for awhile". What? OK that's it?

As they are talking he's telling her about there are pictures online of her at parties, etc. He hangs up with her and again says "I'm not that naive but I swear she's allergic to smoke". I go on her Facebook and pull up a picture of her smoking weed. He then goes from shock, to anger, to this: WHY ARE YOU SNOOPING?

Are you effing kidding me? Are you so in denial that you'd rather be dumb and blind to what your children are doing until you're in damage control?

I said if this were my daughter, you're damn right I would snoop. I would do all in my power to have an idea of what my kids were really doing, so then I would know when to step in. "If that were the case, I'd have a problem then, too" he says.

We basically go to bed mad, and this morning he's acting light and wonderful, like nothing ever happened. Tells me that in 2 weeks, we have day plans together and that SD15 will be home alone during the day. I said - ABSOLUTELY not! "What?!? ...but it's during the day, honey", he says. OOOOoh! That's right, drinking and smoking weed and inviting people over to our house without permission only happens at night? It's only 2 WEEKS since the incident? He claims "well she isn't going to want to go with us". Well, TOO BAD. He says, fine, I'll stay home then... I said, GOOD, that's just fine with me, I'm not going to interrupt MY life because someone can't put their foot down.

He sees I'm not budging then comes to me saying, SS17 can stay home with her, and you know nothing will happen on his watch - so we can enjoy our time together. It's just better to hear when it's the first thing that comes out of their mouth, not damage control, just like everything else.

I had to bite my tongue from saying, then what's the point of us trying for kids, you'll be a grandpa soon enough at the rate you BOTH are going. The funny thing is, there is never ANY accountability to - you owe US an apology for disrespecting OUR home.

Tonight I'm seeking out kickboxing, yoga, massage, needlepoint, spinning, and a bottle of wine tonight, I think. Oh, and I'm of age, I'm allowed.