SD14 mean and nasty to our own daughter5
My SD14 is nasty as hell to pretty much everyone in the house unless she wants soenthing. She's manipulated by her mother who hates that she is ever close with her family over here. She my stepson9 who is from a different mother has a great relationship with me, my husband, our son3 and our daughter5. We all mesh well except for SD14. It has to be about her 25/7 and running for her everywhere or getting and doing things for her. She's so terribly jealous of our little two 3 and 5 but especially the 5 year old. She's also jealous that SS9 is close with our two littles. So she'll try to manipulate SS9 by saying things like, "when we were little we'd never be able to have this type of mess" which actually is so untrue the house was filled with toys because I had just met her when she was 5 and got her everything! Not to mention SS9 is a part of the mess everyday here with the 3 and 5 year old, so he's part of the mess that I "allow" with the toys. She's so jealous of toys that the kids had when she never lacked, she got everything! She's mean to the 5 year old and ignores her and tries to take SS9 to ally with her and get him away from her to make her feel left out and sad. She ignored my daughter 5 when she asked her 5 times ina row if she liked her hat she made at school so finally I yelled and said excuse me did you hear your sister talking to you?!!!? She said I didn't hear her!! Yelling!! I said yes you did she said it 5 times! She said well she was like w whispering!! Oh ok so you did hear! LOL! She said stop picking on me and started crying - when really we have had a really good relationship recently and even my husband says often why are you so buddy buddy with SD14 you always stick up for her when she wants something, which is true! She has no reason to be jealous she never wants to be involved with anything we are doing. We are planning on taking all kids to Disney in the spring and SD14 claims she doesn't want to go she's already been to Disney 2 times, no way is she going. She's a total brat and entitled, mean to her singlings, she makes fun of the 9 year old and shoves him, bosses him, calls him gay, ugly and short and no one likes him. I yell at her for that and I'm definitely not watching her bully my 5 year old around. That's more than just siblings fighting right? 14 / 5 age difference? I mean am I hovering a being too much of a helicopter mom! I don't like the wedge she creates or tries to with SS9 and I don't like that she uses him to her advantage to try to make daughter5 feel bad' she got kicked out of her talent show last year for bullying and she portrays a mean girl to me. She always calls her friends fat and fatty when they ask her to stop, she's really skinny. And her mother and her both used to talk and laugh about how fat her moms boyfriends daughter is when she was like 4/5/6 and I said that is so mean why would you say that she said well my mom and I think it's funny she fits in my clothes. Her mom is a epitome of mean girl. Idk I'm just so mad and husband won't stick up for me/daughter5 he said its normal and he said for me to stop bullying and picking on SD14, in front of her so it gives her power. He also shows her that I don't matter and that I can go in a second if im mean to SD14
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to try to make daughter5
daughter 5 got kicked out?
No SD14 got kicked out, sorry
No SD14 got kicked out, sorry
DH Should
Parent his DD. And stop all of this, He must tell her to stop, and if not. Then I force it . He the cause of the problem
SD14 is a girl fyi
SD14 is a girl fyi
she has two parents, one of
she has two parents, one of whom lives in your house. how is he dealing with this bullying behavior and verbal abuse from her?
You don't have an SD problem,
You don't have an SD problem, you have a husband problem. He handed all the power to that little witch and reinforced to her that what she does works for her. With your idiot husband saying to you right in front of her for you to stop bullying and picking on your SD is a hill I'd die on.
You're going to have to protect your bios, because your DH is selling them out for SD. I'm 58 years old and have been in and out of therapy my entire adult life and have just done over 2 years of intensive therapy and I'm still trying to work out the kinks from being the sold out child like your bio. It is THAT damaging. Don't think that just because you stand up for your bios or that they're young that they don't really know the extent of what is happening. They know damn well especially the 5 year old that a member of their immediate family hates them. I can't tell you the soul-destroying effects that has. You are going to have to do something MAJOR to change things up. Have a come to Jesus meeting with your H (I refuse to put D for darling in there), move out for a while, or just move out and live separately. I had to go scorched earth with my H because my DD23 went through exactly what your 5 year old is going through with my mini-wife SD34, but the "programming" in my DD's subconscious had already been complete. My biggest regret in life is marrying a man with brats, especially a mini-wife, and not getting the fuck out of my marriage when my DD was younger to save her from the horrible "programming" of being a 2nd class, hated citizen in her own family and household. In my own case, being trained to be the 2nd class, inferior female, hated member of my own family has very negatively impacted my entire life, my career, my relationships, my health, my weight and even my athletic endeavors. Please save your kids sooner rather than later. You might want to start with your own therapy to work out why you are in a marriage in which your husband requires you to be at the mercy of your abuser and then puts the onus on you.
DH says everyone on here is
DH says everyone on here is crazy and he's getting on to tell his side of the story, which is mainly all lies. He never tells the truth and constantly makes his own reality
LOL
And what exactly would be the point of him telling his side? Especially as he considers us to be a bunch of loons!
Well tell him to bring it!
Well tell him to bring it! LOL
Agreed not to mention he does
Agreed not to mention he does not make the girl do a single sure around the house she does not follow one respective rule we sat every other kid tries to follow by the rules for instance I ask them to choose other snacks other than the school snacks we have in this pile to save them for school snacks only and all of the other children all three respect the rules and will ask politely if they really want one in that case I will say yes not only does she go and grab as many snacks if she wants but she brings them up to her room leave the wrappers everywhere makes herself chocolate milk leave the chocolate milk cops all around her room doesn't pick up any of her clothes underwear and clothes from the day just straight on the ground in her bathroom and all over the bedroom clothes everywhere I thought everything nicely for her and ask her to put it away she never does because she knows there are no consequences because she knows she goes back-and-forth and her mom's so she's never held accountable
LMFAO
Everyone else has a problem, not me.
Lololol. Ooooh. Ok.
"DH says everyone on here is
"DH says everyone on here is crazy and he's getting on to tell his side of the story, which is mainly all lies. He never tells the truth and constantly makes his own reality"
If he feels the need to do this, it might help for him to see the stepparent's perspective. I am also a bioparent and there was a lot i didn't understand about dealing with an SO's children and ex until i lived it. Your DH has 3 kids from 3 BMs, including you, right? He has only been the bioparent or the ex. He may be blind to a lot of things. Maybe the STalkers can (politely hopefully!) help him see.
Ha!
Self delusional breeders bringing truth. Like that ever happens.
Sure, SPs can be far more intollerant of kid shit. But.. there is still kid shit propegated by the delusional breeder parents.
This should be good.
Can't wait.
DH.....
Why are you giving him the
Why are you giving him the option to gaslight you???
He'd be wise to spend his energy parenting his unruly spawn and getting his house in order than to get on here playing mind games with people who are more emotionally intelligent than he thinks.
Agreed. She's mean and
Agreed. She's mean and jealous and honestly when she's around it's suffocating and suppressing because you can feel there's no love there. She only uses people for what she wants. We normally have a good relationship but when I get in the way of somethint she wants she turns evil and takes it out on my bio kids
"She's mean and jealous and
"She's mean and jealous and honestly when she's around it's suffocating and suppressing because you can feel there's no love there. She only uses people for what she wants."
so no you don't have a "good relationship" - you have a brat.
she hurts people and stresses everyone out. Pretty soon the other kids are going to figure out this bad behavior is tolerated and think it's ok to treat people like this. Your husband needs to set house rules about name calling and such then enforce them. What kind of consequences do you have for bad behavior in your home? She should be losing privileges or something whenever she calls people names. She needs a consequence and instruction from her father, not just an argument with you when she's acting out
She sounds a LOT
She sounds a LOT like feral forger SD24.
Added the list is shes an emotional terrorist, and blames me for her "not having her daddy".
These things do NOT get better, they get wors. Im 11 years in this.
Your SD Is a Bully
and your DH is completely supporting and even helping her perfect this crap style behavior. In what world is it okay to call anyone gay, fat, etc, etc? I'll tell you...no where. And your SD will eventually cross the wrong person who will set her straight and probably by an ass-whooping (which I do NOT ever advocate but we all know what society is today).
While I think the window of opportunity is lost with this kid (at age 14), there is a small possibility she could be "changed" if her FATHER would step up and DO HIS JOB AS A PARENT. Your SDs behavior is scary...she's bullying children much younger than her, attacking people at their core (think sexuality, weight, height issues for many of us) and she will only ESCALATE in her hateful and mean spirited actions UNLESS her FATHER starts PARENTING.
As for what you can do....keep the younger siblings away from her as much as possible. Invest in some cameras, placed in key positions that will capture the bully's behavior. Disengage from this girl. Do not buy her anything, do not come to her defense, nothing. Be cordial and polite but get your boundaries in place to protect yourself and your young children. She has TWO PARENTS that are suppose to be providing for her and PARENTING her. Search for disengagement on this page....figure out what will work best for you and place the boundaries. Best to you.
And yeah...your DH is in denial and is only doing his daughter a great disservice. She's already been kicked out of a school performance for bullying. And while your DH can stay in his denial, his daughter will eventually turn 18 and any bully behaviors at that age will have consequences dear ole dad CANNOT rescue the bully from. SMH
Your statement
" DH says everyone on here is crazy and he's getting on to tell his side of the story, which is mainly all lies. He never tells the truth and constantly makes his own reality ". Your problem is DH. You know it. Unless you can get DH to see what's going on. His child is bulling his other kids you will never get this settled. Best of luck. Getting DH on board so he sits on SD14 That your first gold
*always consult with a lawyer
*always consult with a lawyer first
since she is 14 she is at that age where she can opt out and choose to live full time with her mother.
Id report the mother to the lawyers for PAS and I'd set FIRM boundaries with that child the moment she sets her pinky toe into my home (if I were you)
Pull her to the side with your husband present and say "look here Suzy....today is a new day and from this point forward you will be required to abide by my rules (one of which is if you can't be nice to these little kids then you need to go to your room and leave them alone). If you break the rules you will have an age appropriate consequence."
"If you don't like this then we will call your mother to pick you up or from now on you can stay with your mother"
Do NOT leave tht girl alone with your kids and correct her every.single.time you witness her being nasty to those kids
Id also raise hell with your husband to grow a pair, lead the house, and get his child under control because letting his spawn from his previous relationship wreak havoc in your home by abusing everyone there is not okay.
He needs to be more scared of losing intimate privileges with you/risk you and the littles leaving him than he is of this toxic breeder and her mini narcissist in training. I'd have a hard time being intimate with a man who allows our little kids to be psychologically abused on a regular basis. If your husband refuses to back you up (as he should) then you need to rethink staying in this situation.
You probably do not want to hear it...
But your #1 job as a mother is to keep your child safe.
Being bullied at home is not being safe.
You are allowing your self to be treated poorly (by your husband and sd). Your daughter is being treated poorly. She is also learning from you that being treated poorly is normal and acceptable (because you continue to allow it for yourself and her). She is learning how "normal relationships" work and it will have lasting affects. Do not teach her being treated poorly is acceptable or normal (sorry, but that is what you are doing by allowing this to go on).
Act accordingly.