I'm having my first baby soon, too. I'm 36 weeks on friday. Congrats!! It's such an exciting time, isn't it? I have a similar predicament, but SDs birthday is about a month later. She's with us full-time.

I've already let my husband know that he'll have to take charge of SD's birthday and it won't be taking place in our home because unfortunately the baby won't have his shots yet and it wouldn't be safe to have a bunch of children/germies in the home lol.

I've already bought a couple gifts because our budget is going to be significantly lower once i'm on maternity leave. We're setting a budget for her actual "party" together and he can take her and a couple friends out to some type of venue/restauraunt or something.

As for meeting her baby brother... My stepdaughter isn't coming to the hospital. I love her and fully intend on treating them the same, but I don't want any visitors whatsoever in the hospital. Like you mentioned, some things will be fairly private and I truly believe it's a time for mom/dad and baby to bond.

Once we get home from the hospital, she'll have a chance to meet her baby brother and spend some time bonding. We're thinking I'll take a nice long nap while SD/DH bond with baby because I'm sure i'll be tired out. Then SD's family from BM's side is picking her up for a week.

Yep... she's not coming to the hospital AND she's being "sent away" for a week. Some might think that's awful but I know intact families that operate similarly when a new baby is in the picture. It's about getting into a routine and making sure I'M okay physically/mentally.

1. When your SD visits/meets baby for the first time is going to depend on a lot of factors. I'll say that my skids live with us primarily, and visit BM every other weekend. My MIL took care of skids (at our house) when DH and I were in the hospital with the baby. MIL brought the skids to the hospital on the day baby was born and visited for about an hour (I did not have to nurse during their visit), skids were home for the first few days we got back from the hospital, then went to BM's for their normal weekend visitation. I was fine with all this since we primarily have the skids and knew we were all gonna have to get used to at some point! For nursing at home when skids were around I usually just went into my bedroom and sat in an armchair to have privacy. Other times if we were all watching a movie I would use a nursing cover. They were 10, 12, and 13 at the time baby was born so they understood that I was feeding the baby.

On the other hand, I've seen lots of step moms on this site that want a lot of privacy and space for the first little while after baby is born, so it depends on your feelings on it, as well as the skids visitation schedule I suppose

2. My SD's birthday is 3 days after my current due date (October 8th), since we primarily have skids we do the birthday parties for their friends (which is usually just a sleepover). DH has decided to just wait to plan the party until the baby arrives, since we're expecting baby to arrive a bit early. But I also talked to him about trying to plan something with the understanding that it may need to be rescheduled, or doing it early, or simply planning it late so that SD knows what to expect.

Good luck!

Wow.

After I gave birth, I came home the next day and was fine. Hell, after I had a c-section I came home three days later and was taking care of an newborn and a toddler.

I think a big party (with kids) would be off my agenda totally. But, having a nice celebration beforehand if possible might be a good idea. (though who knows when things will really happen.) I also think it would be perfectly ok for her dad to take her for a special Bday dinner and let you and the baby rest at home too.