Should a Step Parent take the reins at all?
Hello all. New to this site. Never posted a blog before so bare with me. In a situation where the bio dad and bio mom cannot discuss anything without arguing or acting ridiculous and the Step Mom, me, has always been able to make arrangements and discuss issues with the bio mom like rational human beings... is it ok that i usually am the one making arrangements for dates, travel, etc with my step son and his bio mom? I usually have all of the resposibility where my step son is concerned. Even more so than either of his bio parents. I feel though that i have allowed myself to enter this role so much that it's taken advantage of by both the bio parents. How do i step back from this and let the bio parents make all of the arrangements and let them be responsible?
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I would tell DH you need to
I would tell DH you need to deal with this and be civil adults. this is your child and you are doing this for her.....You don't need to like eachother but you do need to deal with eachother....
I have done that. And each
I have done that. And each time it's a shouting match on the phone with them. I know that bottom line, my step son is not my child. He is their child. I have always been the responsible party in this situation. I put myself there really. But it's driving me nuts! I do more for this child than either of his parents! I feel like, I've created a monster so to speak. Myself! I have let myself be in control of everything, make arrangements, call the bio mom when issues arise, you name it! I talk to his teacher, his counselor, I buy him clothes, make his lunches, buy his school pictures, school supplies, make dr appointments, take him to school, pick him up... Are these all things that come with the package? Are these normal responsibilites of a step parent? Or do I do way too much?! It's exhausting. I do these things because it's the right thing to do. And the bio mom certainly doesn't contribute in any way to her son. My husband, the bio dad, lacks I guess in the responsibility department where it comes to being a parent. At one time I wanted a child of my own, but so much of me has gone into raising another's child that I am to the point that I don't know if I have the patience or the want to have a child of my own anymore. I feel like it's not fair to me that I was robbed of that. I also see myself not wanting to ever be in a situation like this with an ex and a child so on...
Wow. See I hope that my ss
Wow. See I hope that my ss grows up to know who took care of him. I hope he doesn't grow up to resent me or his dad. Could care less about the bm! She has put my ss trough hell with abusive husband's to say the least! I did ignore bm's calls and texts at one time and that seemed to work. She got the hint and started calling or texting my dh. Maybe I'll just do that again and stick with it. I am almost growing to resent both bio parents for not stepping up themselves and taking advantage! I need to keep telling myself to back off and let them deal with everything! I don't need the stress and I most certainly don't have to do anything! Thanks!
That is one thing, bio mom
That is one thing, bio mom absolutely doesn't try to "bull dog" me around or anything. She tried once and I put a stop to it immediately and we have been civil ever since. I also was making out cs checks and so on... I actually got the ball rolling on the cs b/c my husband hadn't been paying it. So, b/c of me getting involved, the bio mom got her cs! Thank you for the advice both of you. I'm just going to have to attempt again, to tell my husband he needs to deal with bm from now on. Ultimately, it's his responsibility certainly not mine. And tell bm the same.
Only word of advice I have is
Only word of advice I have is that if you choose to get involved, then make sure you are not expecting any appreciation for it. Because there will be none from any of the parties involved. In fact at some point you may get "slapped down" for "interferring" and being tersely told that "this is not your child(ren)"
So make sure you have ZERO expectations of any "rewards" or gratitude at any time.
Oh no. I never expected
Oh no. I never expected anything out of it. Maybe on a different planet!? I certainly have received nothing I can tell you that! Haha!
I honestly think it's too
I honestly think it's too much...That's just me...And personally I couldn't fully respect my DH if I knew he couldn't deal with his responsibilities to the point that he needed somebody else to do it...Again...Just me...
My FIL and his wife operated in the way you're talking about and even suggested that I step in and deal with BM when DH told him some of the crazy stuff she did...I told him..."You know...I wasn't there to pick BM for him, so I'm damn sure not going to be responsible for his poor choice..." For THEM it worked...His wife was fine with the arrangement...
If this is something you're okay with, then continue, but make sure it's something you'll ALWAYS be comfy with doing or you'll become a part of the problem...
I feel like it's too much as
I feel like it's too much as well. I'm definately going to step back and let them handle things from now on! I don't need the stress. I shouldn't be stressed out about anything! He's not mine! I think I have let both parent's get away with this for far too long! Thank you!