Last night, DH was over for dinner and a movie. He runs himself ragged all day for SD15 and when he is here, he is "off-duty". He is not allowed to clean my house, do dishes, etc. because at the big house he does everything. Now that SD20 is home from college for the summer, DH is even more exhausted. Soooo, we just finished eating and were in the middle of a movie when his phone rang. I told him I would get it. When I picked it up, I saw that it was his work so I answered it. Turns out they wanted him to work the next day. He was furious and blamed ME because I answered his phone! Then he went on to say that it better be a good day at work because of what I caused. I said I was sorry, and that I would not answer his phone again (I never have before, but thought it was important because work was calling). Then I told him to keep his thoughts and mouth in check because he cannot blame ME if it turns out to be a crappy day at work. I told him that all he had to do is say "No, I can't work" and be done with it. I told him not to blame me for his lack of ability to stand up for himself just like with SD15! Then I asked him if he was going to be a dick tomorrow after work. He said he didn't know. I told him that if he is and it's because he still blames ME for trying to be courteous and answering his phone... then he could just not bother to show up.

On another note. I got a reality check the day before last. DH is on a deadline to get his SD15 into counseling and for him to find a parenting coach. If this isn't in place by September 9th, then we are legally separating and he will not see me anymore. So, my depression was really messing with me because of Mother's Day. I couldn't stop thinking of the babies I had miscarried. I have no living children. I was so excited to be a stepmom, and it turned out to be the stuff of nightmares. So, I did what I have wanted to do for a few months now. I got a puppy! He is the sweetest thing. From a litter of 11, and the mother stop feeding them at 3 weeks. He is 5 weeks and thriving! I am in LOVE! My pup has been such a help. I am so busy training and loving him that I distract my thoughts easily from my crappy life situation.

Anyway, I wanted to share a picture with SD15. She loves animals. Adopted a puppy a year ago. Now DH takes care of him, of course. DH said it was none of her business. Then it hit me. Like a truck. If the deadline is September, and he doesn't want her to know I got a puppy, then he has no intention of me showing up in September with my bags and the pup! This pup could have been a way to build a bridge, but he doesn't want that to happen! He is "transitioning me" out of his life! WHY DID I NOT SEE THIS SOONER!? Every effort I have made to work things out with SD15 have been thwarted by DH. For example, after she beat me up on vacation in Arizona (haven't seen her since) I wrote letters trying to discuss what happened so we could work it out. He never gave her the letters. Arizona never happened according to the both of them! They act that way!

If I am the "problem" then I won't be for much longer and come September... I will know for sure if he is willing to be my husband. We will see if I will still be willing to be his wife! I am so sad....