I don't get DH sometimes (BM got a new car)
SD texted DH "Good morning, daddy, I'm on my way to school. Have a good day!"
That was unusual, she never initiates texts or calls during the week, but DH replied in kind.
The next day, same exact text from SD to DH. So it's starting to sink in, something's up, he gives her a call.
She was bursting with the news of "Mom's dropping me to school. Mom got a new car!"
DH actually blurted out "How the F*** can she afford a new car?!" and then apologized to SD for his outburst.
My questions:
Why does DH care so much?
Why does he let it get to him?
Why does it burn him to see her get stuff?
Why does he let it make him miserable and then act happy with his life only when I can see?
Why can't he at least pretend to be happy for the rest of the world to see to?
Why can't he control his emotions?
Why can't he forsee that his ex and his daughter do what they do simply to pull on his emotional strings? And why can't he rise above it and not give them the pleasure?
BM's dad bought her the car. He still takes care of his 2 other children (over age 25 and living at home). It's no surprise that he still gives his daughter stuff too, she's a single mom, hardly working, and he's raised her to be entitled.
Yes. We are financially in a rut. But we're living within our means, trying to repair his credit and have a good financial standing in sight.
Yes. BM seems to get ahead easily without ever having to lift a finger to do a hard day's work. Heck, even DH still falls for her shenanigans sometimes and lets her get off easy while he does the hard work just so as to not have to argue with her.
I just wish he could reach the point of INDIFFERENCE, not caring, only then will our lives become much smoother I think.
SIGH.
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Comments
Sounds like he has some
Sounds like he has some penned up resentment. But you know, something my DH says is "Can't you be jealous and not show it?" May be worth saying to him to figure out why he's burned so much by this. IN addition, maybe once he understands it makes BM feel good to know DH is pissed about these things, he may consider his actions.
Until then, hang in there and hope that he gets over it soon.
Depending on how much CS you
Depending on how much CS you pay or if the BM left him or his financial ruin these are all valid reasons he gives a crap right now - if BM's father is buying her a car he probably wishes someone would buy him a car. When DH and I got married he let her not pay CS for a year for her to get on her feet - meanwhile (I saw the divorce decree) and she got over $100,000 from the divorce - he paid her $800.00 a month when they separated for SS and he was making nothing and she paid nothing the first year - well we see her once a year to drop off SS while I go and visit Family and she pulls up in a $40,000 car - here she is she claims she can't pay for her son but can pay at least $600.00 a month for a luxury car - Hubby was pissed but even though this happened 5 years ago it still chaps my ass because I had uprooted my life and moved to a different state and was blowing through my savings until I could get a full time job and helping to support SS and her she is driving around in a luxury car - lucky for me my DH was not very resentful even though he could have been - it may take a while for your DH to get to indifference especially if he worked so hard during the time he was with BM and lost a lot it hurts a man to start over.
My DH got so screwed he literally started with nothing and he was not young - he had devoted 13 years to this woman and worked an incredible amount of time to provide a really nice life for BM and SS and she got tired of being married and wanted to be single and left him. I remember about 2 years ago we went to his 401k and he had forgotten that he had to give BM half of it in the divorce and he said to me "It is good we have X amount of dollars we will probably need it all" I had to remind him that he only had half of what he thought he had - he was real quite for the couple of hours and I could tell it really burned him but also hurt him that he worked so hard for that money and now it was gone - so give hubby a break and know that someday it will be better.
Gosh, ok, I do understand his
Gosh, ok, I do understand his pain (I think), and I should cut him some slack for it. His finances have been seriously screwed by the divorce. BM never worked, house foreclosed, car that BM got was in his name solely and she let it be repossessed, he went back to living with his parents, took a hit on his taxes, pays a ton of CS and all medical because she refuses to pay her half, credit is a mess.
But I really do agree with pastepmomof3 a bit. BM does NOT need to know he's hurting because that's just what she wants. I can handle if he comes and vents to me, but to let them see he's hurting, that we're hurting (because I'm in this together with him), I just wish he was stronger than that.
I understand you point about
I understand you point about not letting BM see it then she wins doubly - and he should only be venting to you - my DH never says anything bad about BM to SS - he did finally say this summer that BM did not contribute the first year but I think that was to counter SS saying how BM pulled herself up from nothing when his dad left her penniless which was total bullshit and so DH set him straight on that. He should only be complaining to you - so yeah I agree there - you need to tell him that only to you or that BM wins again that may stop him from doing it in front of SD. Sorry I misunderstood or missed the second part of your post - the danger of having a 5 year old running in and out of your office I guess - lol
My Dh gets pissed everytime
My Dh gets pissed everytime BM gets something new. they've redone the kitchen, got a big screen TV, take nice vacations, just got a new SUV. My DH gets super pissed because while all this is going on, BM takes the kids shopping at Good Will. We are the ones that buy back to school clothes and school supplies because she wont. If the skids come to our house with something name brand we know that bm's parents are in town and took the kids shopping. to me it's fine to do all the renovating and buying new things, but dont' do all that and then make your kids shop at a second hand store or make them pick from the dollar menu. it pisses DH off because he knows that his CS is going to the projects and new things - not his kids.
Ya know, ive been thinking
Ya know, ive been thinking the same thing about dh and bm for a few weeks now. My conclusion: They hate eachother. 100% of the the drama, arguing, and nonsense that goes on between them (and then permeates my life) has nothing to do with kiddo in any way shape or form, even if they pretend like it does. It has to do with the fact that they hate eachother. Which is really annoying because my husband feels such a strong emotion for bm, negative or not. It would be lovely if they would just suck it up and act like grownups, wouldnt it?