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You are cordially invited to a Pity Party in honor of StepMomTaxi! (vent)

StepMomTaxi's picture

Submitted by StepMomTaxi on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 8:00pm

DH, I will NEVER EVER feel any sense of having a "Family" with you, your kids, and my Bios at our home.

I look at at it as: There is you and me and our relationship, there is my relationship with my bios, there is your relationship with your kids, and then there's a fucked up thrown together hodge-podge of what you consider "Our Family" which is basically 3 completely different visitation schedules for kids combined with the drama and stress BM inflicts on our daily schedules.

It's kind of like taking a bunch of different leftovers from our fridge and combining it in one pot on the stove. Sure, it's food....but it tastes like shit and I don't want to eat it.

The only way I would feel any sense of having some sort of "Family" with you is if we had a child together. But we know that isn't going to happen, even though you told you when we started getting serious that you'd like another kid. With finances (bc the court has you paying so much in CS even though you have your kids 50/50), our work schedules, the hectic visitation schedules AND the wrench BM throws in our daily lives continually....there is NO WAY I would ever bring a child into the would who's life would be affected by all that crap.

I feel bitterness. I feel resentment at times. Especially because you are such a wonderful Father to your children and I wish I could have a child with you who would have such a Father.

And yet, our relationship between you and me alone is so wonderful and better than I could ever have hoped for.

So I just cry.

Comments

leighanne's picture

Submitted by leighanne on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 8:21pm

I'm so sorry for the pain that you must feel and the whole situation. Most of us here have that same pain Although our situations may not b
in that order.Thats w

StepMomTaxi's picture

Submitted by StepMomTaxi on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 8:41pm

Smile Yea, that is exactly why I am still with him. I wish I could go back in time and kick his 19-year old self in the balls for the decisions he made though. But aside from that, he is an excellent husband and our relationship is great. He is a wonderful father and nothing like a Disney Dad, thank goodness!

And our only issues lie in the BM and craziness rearding her and the kids schedules. Ugh.

StepMomTaxi's picture

Submitted by StepMomTaxi on Mon, 02/10/2014 - 1:45am

Not that I'm glad you have to go through similar stuff....but it is nice to know there's other who feel the same waves of emotions that I do and that go through the same thing, as unfortunate as it is.

And yet I find a lot of people DO NOT understand. Or would look at me as a bitch if I vented this to them. Or I'd get made to feel like shit with comments like, "just be glad you have a husband who you love and loves you bc so many search a lifetime for that" or "look at the bright side, you gained a couple step kids" (which, it isn't like they're disrespectful or mean to be but "whoop-dee-doo" and one I irritates the piss out of me anyway).