Do you have anxiety attacks over BM?
I am going to have to pick up SD's in Georgia in June for the 5 wk summer visit. Facing BM gives me anxiety attacks. My SIL and Aunt in law are going to join me for the 3hr drive, but I can still feel the anxiety ALREADY. Shortly after DH and I were married, BM informed DH that I was to stay in the car at the exchange, that she couldn't deal with it. The exchanges have proven to be difficult emotionally, and DH felt that it sent the wrong message to the girls if I remained in the car, since I never had previously. I would usually help with the luggage exchange while the bios handled the kids. This particular time, she immediately exited the car and came up to me instructing me to return to the car. She had been well-informed as to the plan, but proceeded to tell me that she could deal with "this". Finally figured "this" was our marriage, and went on to tell me that I stole her husband, married her husband, etc. I tried to remind her that she lost her husband because she wouldn't give up "her friend" and not because of me. My DH was afraid she was going to hit me, because no one stands up to her. We both tried to tell her this was not the place or time because the girls were present. But, she refused to allow me to touch their luggage, pushing and nudging me away from it. Later that day, she wrote her attorney that I verbally and physically assaulted her. Her recollection of this event is so different to this day. When I was going to return the girls after Christmas break, she said she would call the police if I got out of the car. Needless to say, DH arranged his work schedule (retail) to work a split shift and return the girls. Now, it's going to happen again because his store mgr. is on vacation that day already. So, he has to be at work. Luckily I won't be alone, and my SIL and Aunt can handle the exchange without my exiting the vehicle. But, I still have a feeling of dread.
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^^This: Call the cops ahead
^^This: Call the cops ahead of time, explain the woman is nuts and you want a legal witness for the exchange, get out of your car, you do what you want,just don't touch her. Bonus, if she touches you the cops can arrest her for assault, one that happened in front of the kids.
I'd be getting out of that
I'd be getting out of that car come hell or high water! But I'm bratty like that...tend to dislike others telling me what I can or cannot do.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments! It's funny that "helpmeeee" mentioned a supervised pickup because that is what DH told BM when I was going to take the girls back at Christmas after she made her threat. I love the comment about being a "little bratty", because since I've been on my own for a good portion of my life, I tend to not back down. I haven't had people, except for bosses, tell ME what to do or what I can't do. I've prayed more about this than you can imagine. Even with my reinforcements, we might go to the police station, but I'm not sure. We had all the information at Christmas, but DH accidentally gave the wrong address, which was causing me more stress at that time. He wouldn't call BM back and give her the correct address, which is why he ended up going instead. The address he gave could have been the jail for all we know
We went to the lawyer to try to have the supervised drop off at the police station, but she said it just doesn't send the right message to the girls. We've moved on, but I still feel myself hyperventilating just thinking about it. We don't have to be out of the vehicles at the same time, I just didn't want her near my vehicle! But, she states in her vm "we need to be mature adults about this, and she will remain in the car". Oh, that's mature? I would never hurt anyone, besides the fact she is bigger than me and could kick my @ss, lol.
Yep I would have your
Yep I would have your relatives get out of the car as well and make sure it is obvious that the exchange is being recorded. She can't tell you you cant get out of your car and that she would even try is somewhat ridiculous. Is the exchange on her property or something? Perhaps if it was-she might have a point-but if it is a public place-I would just make sure to arrive before her and again you and all your relatives can stand outside the car and enjoy yourself while waiting.
And, yes, call a local police officer and ask if one can be their for peace keeping if you truly have concerns that she might assault you.
I get them due to Skids.
I get them due to Skids. Sometimes with BM. Luckily there is no talking anymore between SO and ex so that has improved.
I'm so sorry. They are so hard to control. Its like your body has a mind of its own and nothing you do alleviates it.
Our exchanges have changed
Our exchanges have changed many locations in Valdosta Georgia. It started out at the Cracker Barrell, but BM thought that parking lot was too busy. Then, it moved to the Toys r Us parking lot because it was empty. After the "incident", we tried to make it a more public place. She didn't like McD's, so it has always been Toys r Us. I haven't gone to many exchanges after the incident. I encourage my DH and his family to make the exchanges closer to the store, to ensure that there may be people around as a protective measure. BM always parks waaaaay out in the parking lot, but has been made to move up towards the store. This is easier when she is picking up because she wants her kids. When she has the kids, the exchange may be occuring farther out in the parking lot.
I pray continuously for this woman. We sent her birthday, Christmas, Easter cards, because I am trying to encourage a good relationship. I have had my DH send her blurbs from her own church bulletin about "divorce recovery" type events that may help. But, she insists that her healing is all between her and her Lord & Savior. No one else needs to be involved. I myself contribute my healing to divorce recovery groups at church, single parent groups and people who helped my get through it with some sanity.