End of discussion.

The failed family adult progeny is delusional.  Daddy should not even consider it.  More importantly, he needs to give his DD the clear message that her mother is his X and he will not participate in the delusion that DD and her BM are wanting to build.

You are not wrong. Your DH is. Not to mention he is being a dumbass.

I would offer a compromise. Both get their photo taken separately at different times or even different days and the photographer Photoshps them together. The professional photographers that I know are all wizards with photoshop. 

Here are my thoughts.. there may be a time where it is appropriate for them to be in a picture with her.. like at her wedding.. having your mom and dad in the picture.. is not totally unreasonable.. among a bunch of other combinations of family.

BUT.. if she wants pictures of both her parents... I would not sit "with" my ex.. I would say.. separate pictures.. the daughter would be free to put in a group frame is ok..

I mean.. there is no denying that they are both her parents.. but to present as if they are stil together is weird.. there is no going back and recreating a reality that never existed.

heading to JC Pennys for a "family" portrait of ADULT stepchild, her Mommy and her Daddy at age toofrikkinoldtoevenask? 

Hell to the big fat NO. 

but to me the biggest issue is your DH thinking it's okay. Time to take off your slipper and beat some brains into his head. WTEverLovinF dude. 

He should have said no and not even told you about it. What does he think this picture will accomplish, besides fking up the one thing in his life that isn't a total sh!tshow (his marriage?) Well done, DH. Now all your relationships are crappy. 

And it never occurred to your DuH to ask why exactly she wanted this photo...?

Isn't that what the new AI is for? Kind of kidding...

My DH and BM haven't been in the same room as each other for probably 5-ish years. The only time I wouldn't think much of it, would be when/if SD13 graduates high school, some life milestone, a rare occassion both of her bios are actually present at an event. But scheduling a photoshoot? Weird IMO. 

Your DH is probably feeling guilty and thinking it's his way of apologizing to SD for a failed family. Doesn't give him an excuse to throw your feelings out the window though. He's being a jerk. 

But I like two photos at diffent times photoshop together.  You and DH can have a photo shoot. And one of those photos can be photoshop into anything SD wants 

What a pain in the arse period.

You are damned if you say no, and hurt if they do.

I agree the delusional SD is trying to cause trouble.

She is 38 yrs old, never had her parents together, yet she wants this. Ask the B WHY? Cause she wants mommy and daddy together. Dream on.

Once again a big daddio will do anything to make the aging princess happy, to hell with what the wife thinks.

Sure no problem as you go and get pics of you and your ex "oh honey its part of my history"

These sitch are never good.

Your DH should get some clarity and say hell no. 

But you have a bigger proble, = DH and his nasty reaction.

Professional photograph -- does SD expect DH to pay too? Is it just one copy for SD or are the birth parents getting their own copy too?

To me, it's a weird request. I've heard of it being done at weddings, but a just out of the blue request seems strange to me.

WTH?

Adult kid can take a pic of mom then take a pic of dad---then tape them together.

Jesus, Mary, Joseph

His reaction to your objection to the photo is the bigger problem I think. He gets mad way out of proportion to the discussion, throws you under the bus with SD, and gaslights you to make it all your fault.

The idea of a photo of the three of them is kinda weird since she's never known her parents as a couple. Total fantasy that he doesn't need to be part of. 

This is a SUPERB idea and you'll also be scheduling your photo shoot with your ex/exes.  You know, just for old time's sake.

I could see a little toddler asking this because they don't have the mental capacity to understand family/relationship dynamics yet but (unless your sd is profoundly mentally challenged or mentally ill) that ADULT stepchild is out of her everlasting mind. That's disrespectful for her to even fix her crusty lips to think that's okay to ask. 
 

And I'd tell her this to her face. 
 

She'd never ask such ridiculous questions again. 
 

And as far as your husband....he must be out of his mind too

My husband didn't even notify me of the request when asked a while ago until the subject came up that I was glad she was getting along with her Mom. (They had a falling out).

uh so he lied to your face?!? ... until YOU brought up the topic? ... wonder why he felt the need to hide this from you

 

My husband is fine with it if that is what will make her happy and doesn't want to get in the way of her happiness, and healing

Shes an adult and does not need a picture of your husband canoodling with his EX wife in order for her to be happy and the fact he'd prioritize his ex and adult kids happiness to the detriment of his marriage is mind boggling. 
 

If this were me, I'd tell him I'm fine with him being celibate whilst sleeping in the basement indefinitely ...

*take my post with a grain of salt bc I'm not married and probably would be divorced with the amount of shenanigans half these married men be pulling. 

Your DH is the problem, sounds like he enjoys creating drama and fostering it.

How is he ok with this?  That is just weird to me.  I would think that his ex would be weirded out by it too.  My parents didn't  have pictures made together at my wedding.  I don't think they did at my sister's either. 

My grandparents did at my uncle's wedding though, after being divorced for four years.  It was a family picture, but still weird.  I can't remember if they were in one alone together.  In the photo that I can remember though, I think they had to hold hands. I was ten years old and thought it was weird and inappropriate.  I don't know who's idea that was.  I can't imagine that my grandma was happy about it.  She went along with it but I doubt she was happy.  She probably didn't want to cause a fuss. 

I knew it was wrong at ten years old.  At 38, your SD should be very aware that it's wrong.  And weird.